SS Birthday - Question.
karatechrissy
member
I wrote a big long background, but decided I didn't need it. I'll get to the point.
If BM and DH throw SS seperate birthday parties, do we need to invite her to ours or can we just let her be?
I ask b/c SS asked to add her to the invite list. DH and I just exchanged looks and I put her name on the paper I had. I was asking about kids and then he launched into the family and we kept laughing and saying 'well of course grandma will be there!' then he dropped the 'oh yea and my mom!' bomb. Later DH told me he doesn't want her there but SS specifically asked when we were making the list. She is having her own party for him so it's not as if she won't have her own memories. Just wondering what you would do.
I personally, don't want to invite her. But I will for the sake of being cordial. BUT then I'm torn because she is having her own party. We are 99% sure we won't be invited. Why do we always have to be the ones to bend and be the bigger person? KWIM?
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Re: SS Birthday - Question.
I would.
It's his birthday. Swallow the animosity and the discomfort. Separate parties or not, he wants to see his family together on his birthday. Make that his big present. He'd appreciate it much more than a new toy or clothes. You have to get along in the future, why not start now? Give her the choice to be there or not, but at least put it out there.
Yes, ex and I have done split birthdays and together birthdays. The kids appreciate the together birthdays when they can see us talk and be civil toward each other. And now we can be in the same room for the grandkids without having to feel the need to stand across the room and glare or shift our feet uncomfortably, whichever is the position you generally would take.
You could talk to BM about doing a joint party...but it doesn't sound like you want to go there.
In that case I wouldn't invite her, I would just explain how BM is having her own party for him.
Does your SS know that he is having a party with his Mom and that side of his family? If not, maybe explain that he is going to have a seperate party with his Mom? It's tough.. We always do joint parties with my DD and my ex. I only do it that way because he splits the cost of the party with me 50/50.. jk.
My Ss's bday is in two weeks, and we aren't inviting his Mom this year. She already told me that she was doing a dinner with her family this weekend, and will be at a wedding on the next Saturday. But in the past, she was always invited.
The ExH and I used to throw joint parties when DD was younger and all the family got invited... their choice whether they showed or not. Put the ball in BM's court and invite her... chances are she'll decline (hopefully).
Sounds like unless you come right out and tell SS BM isn't invited, he's going to be pestering you for that invite until you put it in his excited little hands. I wouldn't tell him that BM can't make it... he'll probably check with her.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
We've been told by two parenting coordinators that joint parties (or at least both parents attending) is absolutely essential for SS's happiness. We tried. It was filled with tension and unhappiness for the family members. I don't know if SS noticed. So for the last few years, there have been separate parties and it goes better. SS is used to having the separate parties but the first year we did it we told him that BM wanted to have a special birthday party time with him and so did DH. He liked that answer.
This is what I think: it's his party and he wants his mommy there. Period. Just because you want to stick it to her, doesn't make it right (especially since you're holding a grudge from a YEAR AGO!!). It really is not about you or your resentment towards her because she was a biiitch - again - A YEAR AGO! - ridiculous. Even you know that's not right.
Look at it this way - you're going to make a little boy sad on his birthday just so that you guys can be petty and immature? Please - I know it sucks to be the big girl all the time, as you stated, but really - it's about the little boy. You even said when you guys had a joint party before, he loved it and everyone was behaving. This time...souper douche is out of the picture on top of everything. It'll be fine. Give him a fun party where he has all the people he loves.
Sorry this is not the answer you wanted.