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February 2011 Moms
Jessie_ea
member
Stressed...I feel like a terrible mother
Jessie_ea
member
I'm feeling so stressed and it's not helping my baby blues at all. My first worry is that DH is going back to work tomorrow and I'm nervous about being home with DS alone and missing all of the help that my H has been giving me. Also, breastfeeding is not going as well as I would have hoped. I have one side that doesn't seem to be producing well at all, it never feels full like the other one does and DS doesn't seem as satisfied with it as he does with the "good" side. The biggest issue with the BFing is that part of me really isn't enjoying it and wants to quit so bad. It makes me feel so selfish, though, and like I'm a terrible mother. I cry about it and struggle with the decision every day. DH is so supportive and constantly tells me what a good job I'm doing but that he'll support whatever decision I make. I just want to do what's best for me and DS and can't shake the feeling that I would be happier if I started to FF. Thanks for letting me get that out, I've been such an emotional mess lately.
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Re: Stressed...I feel like a terrible mother
I could've written this post. I had a breakdown earlier about DH going back to work tomorrow after being off for two weeks with me. He has been so good to me, cooking and taking care of the animals and I don't know what I'm going to do without him!
Plus, I think I'm beginning to at least give some formula and it makes me feel like a failure, although I know I'm not. BFing is just draining me, and I'm headed back to classes. If I could get just one or two feedings that I don't have to worry about I think I would be a lot less frantic.
Hang in there - know that you're not alone! You aren't a terrible mother and your mental and emotional health is important too! *virtual hugs*
This makes me feel better. My DH has also been home for 2 weeks and I so wish that he could stay home a little longer. I completely feel like a failure for not wanting to keep BFing, it is totally draining. How are you going to work adding formula to your feeding schedule? My DH suggested that I breastfeed as many times as I feel like I can and then supplement with formula for the rest, it's just a really hard decision for me. Thanks so much for the encouragement, I never realized how hard being a mom really was.
Being a week ahead of you I thought I should share my experience and hopefully give you some encouragement. It's already so so much easier! Both BF and DH being at work all day. That you are stressed does not make you a terrible mother. I know that in theory you know that, but it's something that you actively need to recognize too.
I have one side that is more full than the other, but instead of leaning towards the full side, I have DD suck from the less full one to build up supply on that side. If you decide BF really isn't for you, that's your choice, but if part of you does want to do it and you are capable (which it very much sounds like you are), I'd say give it at least another couple of weeks to make that decision. Today DH fed DD a pumped bottle and the process of making the bottle was harder on me than opening my shirt. DD was crying as I was trying to warm the milk! I am introducing a breast milk bottle 1 or 2 times a day though to get her ready for when I go back to work.
BF is hard. Being home alone is hard. You are a mother and I know you can do it.
I also could have written this post exactly,
DH goes back to work tomorrow and I am not sure I am ready mentally and physically for him to go back. I made no recovery progress from my c-section this week and I am totally freaked out having to do it by myself tomorrow night because I am been super exhausted (anemia doesn't help) and I have been feeling a little blue for the past couple days. I have an appt tomorrow with my OB so I may request her to write DH a note for him to have one more week off.
I also trying my hardest to keep going with BFing but it is so much easier to just make a bottle then trying to struggle with getting him to latch. My chest seems to hurt all the time too which doesn't help not wanting to BF but I would so much rather give LO breasmilk than formula so I keep struggling with what to do. (plus, formula you have to pay for. I like that BFing is financially friendly)
Let me start by saying that I am one of the biggest advocates for EBF, but it is not worth your emotional health. Having suffered with depression and anxiety most of my life I can assure you that in the midst of a ?breakdown? it is next to impossible to take care of yourself, let alone LO. You need to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself first, that is what makes you able to be a great mother. There is no shame in FF!
As far as your husband going back to work...it seems this only makes it more important to take care of yourself, with the added workload you are more likely to get stressed. Hang in there, take it one day at a time, and find whatever combination works the best for you and your family.
(PS you might want to consider enlisting the help of a therapist or counselor or at the very least a good friend to vent everything to. I know the thought of it doesn?t always seem like it will help, but sometimes all you need is the reassurance of 1 person, to make your decisions feel ?right?)
Good Luck!
Also, Just you saying that you are ?stressed? and ?feel like a terrible mother? shows that you are a great mother -- a ?terrible? mother would not be worried!
If DD will take it she will be getting formula in the evening (because that is when I attend classes and I figure it's best to do it at the same time) to begin with... we'll slowly add more as I get closer to going back to work, because we'll likely be switching to FF FT.
However, we tried formula with DD tonight and she hated it. I don't know if it was the formula we were using or the bottle/nipple, but she will take pumped breast milk so I know she'll take a bottle. It's going to be a process I think!
I am planning to try to get out of the house more often while I'm alone... I tend to be a homebody but I think going out will help. My best friend's baby shower is this weekend and I haven't bought a thing so a shopping trip is in order.
You should try mixing half pumped breastmilk and half formula when you give a bottle if you plan on continuing to BF. It is easier on their tummy's and LO will prob take to it better.
For the OP- It does get easier. The first 2 weeks were the roughest with BFing for me. Its so time consuming and when you are not well rested the last thing you want to do is put a screaming baby onto your sore boobs. I can say the last week I have found it a lot less stressful. Do whats best for you, don't feel guilty what is important in the end is that the baby is fed, whatever way necessary, and you are sane
If I may share what's been working for me, ladies...
This being my 3rd baby doesn't make the beginning any easier. My DH only had 10 days paternity leave and he stopped helping me at night the night before he went back. Before he even went back we started giving LO a bottle at night. (I do EBM, but you can do formula if you don't express enough.) This is LOADS faster than breastfeeding, and the formula will help your LO sleep longer at night- and more sleep will help you feel less depressed. My LO eats every 2 hours at the day and 4 hours at night, which trust me feels TOTALLY different than 2 hours of sleep!
As for the less full side, it could be that that side leaks while you're nursing on the other side. (I have this.) If it leaks there's no retained pressure like there is on the non-leaking so it might feel less full. I agree with whoever said to have your baby nurse on that side more to increase milk production there. Maybe just always have her start on that side, then after she can switch to the 'fuller' side and you know she's getting what she needs. (She, he, I cannot remember right now because my brain is like scrambled eggs.)
I decided to that I would try EPing and so far have found that this has made a HUGE difference. You're right, it makes such a difference knowing that someone else can give a bottle. It's also nice because pumping takes only about 10-15 minutes while BFing can take anywhere from 25-40 minutes. And I don't feel as "tied" down and like I can't really go anywhere.