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Attachment Parenting
EmmieB
member
If your LO is high needs...
EmmieB
member
do you feel (rightfully or not) that you've done something wrong whenever anyone mentions how "easy" and "laid back" another baby is?
Because I do.
Even though I KNOW that my child's demeanor is not my "fault" (as in - there is virtually nothing I did to cause it.)
Just curious.
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Re: If your LO is high needs...
Ok, I was just thinking this same thing earlier today while we were at a birthday party. The parents have a 6 month old who just laid on the floor on his tummy for about 80% of the time we were there, and we were over for about 4 hours. He never cried, and never does when we see these people. I do know that they let him spend a lot of time in a swing or bouncy seat as an infant, and that was something we never did with DS unless we were eating or showering, so for just a few minutes at a time. I guess they just parent differently, and therefore their baby is just easier going than mine, or maybe he's just a laid back kiddo.
Or I just "spoiled" mine into being high needs.
Total sarcasm there btw. He's a very social LO who does things on his own time, and I really try not to feel that I did anything wrong in the way I chose to parent him. His "high needs" are easily managed with nursing, cuddling, and holding, none of which I mind doing while he's still little, because I know he won't be little forever.
having one of each, I feel like now I know that everything I did with DD1 had nothing to do with how she is, and everything that i've done with DD2 has nothing to do with her high needs.
DD1 is easygoing because she is, and DD is high needs because she is.
nothing I did makes one a good sleeper or a bad sleeper. although there has been many differences in raising them.
Coop and my niece are only 1 month apart. My niece is quiet, laid back, has slept 12 hours a night for months now, etc. Coop...well I've posted enough about all his high needs.
I have the same worry though I caused him to be high needs, my sis follows babywise, CIO, schedules, etc... We don't and won't be doing any of that. In my heart I know we are making the right parenting decisions by Coop...as is my sister for her easy going laid back little girl.
I also try really hard to watch the words I use when I describe Coop, instead of "high needs" maybe "knows what he wants". Instead of "difficult" we use "determined". I have to say I think it shows independence that he can express what he wants and is determined enough not to give up until he gets it. These are qualities we want in our children when they are adults.....our babies just started a little early ; )
I read someone once post on here, "food spoils, not babies".... this is my new favorite quote whenever it is suggested I spoiled him.
I lurk on this board, but this is something I've been thinking about a bit lately because of my twin girls. They are just 6 months and really starting to show the different parts of their personalities. One of my girls is a complete easy going ham and the other we call "the sensitive one". She was in the NICU for a week after birth and has always been a little behind and a little more needy. It is really coming to a head now because she seems to always need to be held, etc.
I really don't think it is anything we have done as I don't see us really treating them any differently as far as taking care of their needs etc. Even though she was in the NICU to start once she got home, we weren't any more careful about here than the other. Though, they were preemies so we were a little more careful in general. My Ham is more laid back in spite of that care so, I guess what I am saying is, that no, I don't think I've done anything wrong and I will continue to give each girl what she needs based on her personality.
I hope that made sense, and don't feel bad. Take care of your LO the way you see fit. It is hard when you see other "easy babies" and you've got the pouty pants (especially when the easy one is your other child!) but odds are that their kid will give them trouble in some way that your's wont. It all evens out in the end.
thanks, guys!
I keep reminding myself that a lot of what's going on is that he's bored and - like the pp said - determined. When he naps, he's perfection :-)
I saw this blog entry today (I LOVE her blog) and this rang so true to me:
"
A temper tantrum on the kitchen floor. Again.
[or]
My daughter cries because she knows she is safe, secure and there is someone there to answer her cries. Children all over the world no longer cry, they have learned that there is no one there to answer their cries. My daughter cries and displays her temper because she knows I am here for her."
link here:
https://ashleyannphotography.com/blog/2011/02/21/signs-of-life-depends-on-how-i-look-at-it/