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"You made her this way....."

asiabutterflyasiabutterfly
in Attachment Parenting

Was what I was told tonight in regards to DD going through some separation anxiety with me right now and was followed by ".....being an "Attached parent""

The sad part is that it came from SO. It hurts when we are not at all on the same page. I suppose I can thank MIL a bit and all his friends. I guess they know better than us in regards to what DD needs. 

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Re: "You made her this way....."

  • brideofaussiebrideofaussie

    Don't blame MIL or friends.  That came from DH's mouth and no one elses.  You need to have a talk with him about his and your expectations, normal phases, child development etc.  and I would also have a talk about what it means to be a team player and to be kind to one another.  It sounds to me like he needs to hear those lessons again.

    Sit down when you're no longer angry and have a rational discussion about how you're going to parent.  You both may have to do some reading and thinking and maybe even compromise a bit but these combative comments are bvllshit and need to stop immediately.  They're only going to break down your relationship instead of building it up.

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  • ncbellencbelle member

    I'd agree that a good, calm chat is in order with DH.

    FWIW, the 12-24 board is full of separation anxiety posts - and most of those are not coming from people who practiced AP.  It's just a normal, developmental phase all babies/toddlers go through (usually more than once!) as they learn to navigate the world.  Maybe a good book on child development would help your DH better understand?



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  • nekoraynenekorayne member
    imagencbelle:

    I'd agree that a good, calm chat is in order with DH.

    FWIW, the 12-24 board is full of separation anxiety posts - and most of those are not coming from people who practiced AP.  It's just a normal, developmental phase all babies/toddlers go through (usually more than once!) as they learn to navigate the world.  Maybe a good book on child development would help your DH better understand?

    I agree with Ncbelle, lol as always ....

    It is normal! I would defiantly have a calm talk with him. You two need to be on the same page. He needs to understand child development and not blame you. He needs to be your partner and not just say it is all your fault. I would take him to the book store and show him several developmental books as apart of the talk....

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  • asiabutterflyasiabutterfly
    Thanks guys. I try to send him links to articles and suggest books, but he never seems to read them. I think he feels like they are bunch of nonsense when he has proof in front of him from friends and family advocating CIO and leaving baby to have lots of "alone time" to become independent. We seemed to be on the same page until we came to stay with MIL who has terminal cancer. I love her to bits, but she likes to constantly tell us how we should be parenting and how absurd it is that DD sleeps with me and how we need to let her CIO and then all his friends with kids did CIO and claim are more independent. I think forced independence is a lot different from natural independence and can lead to insecurities which may not be seen right away. Anyway, we will have to have a talk and try to get back on track.
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  • ehlertleehlertle

    I am so very new to this site (actually just stumbled upon the forum of attachment parenting and throught it looked interesting) and I am so happy that I came here.

     We are in the process of adopting a precious baby girl.  She came to us at 13 mo. and I feel as if I have a LOT of time to make up in the attachment and bonding department. I never really knew enough to consider my style to be "attachment parenting" (didn't really know what that was), but that is totally me.  I am an adoption social worker and believe in everything that attachment parenting stands for (I just never knew there was a category until now!).

     My DH does the same thing though. He doesn't seem to understand the child development, particularly of an adopted child.  I went to see an attachment therapist/specialist to make sure everything I was doing was correct and would lead to proper bonding and attachment. From what little I've read, it sounds like we are very similar in parenting beliefs and practices.  The specialist told me that I am doing everything correctly and when a child feels safe and secure (whether it be a bio child or adopted), then these behaviors will work themselves out.  It's just a stage she's going through and when she's ready to move on, she will.  Trying to force it or change it could be even more detrimental.  Best of luck to you! And I would honestly say the sessions with the attachment specialist were well worth the money, especially if you ever question WTH you're doing :)

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