ttc #2 and deployment coming up?

SHAYD12 · February 2011

We just found out my hubby is leaving in may for a 12 month tour. I am thinking about ttc before he leaves, on rnr, or when he gets home. My son will be 10 months when he leaves, if did that would make the babys 19 months apart. My hubby would get home to a almost 2 year old and a 3 month old. Do you think that would me a lot on my son with in 3 months to have daddy and a new baby. If we did try on rnr depending when he gets it for sure but he would probably get home and a couple months after the baby would come. If we wait that would put them almost 3 years apart which im starting to think now is kinda far but what i wanted in the beginning lol now i guess i want another one sooner.. what are your thoughts?? thanks

KatB12 · February 2011

Is this your 1st deployment?( not trying to come off snarky) parenting alone is hard. On our first deployment we conceived on r&r on purpose, H came home at 20 weeks. We are now on deployment 2- DD is a toddler, for the most part always sleeps through the night and is active- so keeps me very busy. I think about the other wives in our unit with new infants, and I remember those sleepless nights and thank god H was here for that. I know some of them went home for help with their parents, but I wouldn't want to leave our home. We are going to try for # 2 on r and r again- so kids around 3 years apart which we are comfortable with.

Also my pregnancy was rough last time, and my H didn't want me to handle that and a toddler. Lots to consider, GL.

also- the new baby may be older than 3 months unless you plan to only try right before he leaves.

Smudges*Mom · February 2011

I would take a good look at the support network that you have where you live, the amount of help you will need and the financial ability to pay for help, if needed.

My DH was away for half of my pregnancy and our son's first nine months. I had a lot of help, and, admittedly, an easy baby. My LO is now 19 months old, and I am thankful every afternoon when my DH walks through the door, heck, half the time we go meet him at the Metro station! LO was much easier to care for, on my own, when he was itty bitty. I would find it hard now to be chasing him and caring for a newborn without my DH or lots of help. That's just me though--a confirmed "one and done" mom.

I understand that you are excited about adding to your family, but, my "vote" would be to wait until R&R to TTC and if you don't get lucky then, obviously, when he redeploys. Best of luck with your decision.

leslie13510 · February 2011

What kind of support system do you have? What is your plan if you get pregnant and end up on bedrest while he's gone? Who will help you take care of your toddler if you physically can't? Who will drive you to OB appointments if you aren't able to drive because of complications? Are you going to be able to emotionally handle going through something like that by yourself while also being fully responsible for your son?

I'm not saying don't TTC now, but as someone who had trouble making it through a difficult pregnancy alone (without a toddler to also care for, and family nearby!) you have to think about all the situations that could arise, and have a plan to handle them.

Also, keep in mind that your son will be very different at 19 months than now. Walking, RUNNING, talking, talking back, throwing tantrums, refusing to hold your hand but also refusing to ride in the stroller, melting down at the grocery store for no apparent reason, and just generally being a moody toddler. Are you going to be able to handle that by yourself while hugely pregnant and then with a newborn? 24/7 without Daddy around to help, everything is on you?

I really thought that by having DH deployed when they were toddlers, it would be easier on me than when they were infants. Ha! Joke's on me, because this is by far the most difficult stage they've been through so far. Even if I only had one toddler and not twins, I don't know how I'd handle a newborn too and not lose my effin' mind. Toddlers are ROUGH, both physically and emotionally.

I personally would wait to TTC, either until R&R or until he's back for good. That said, it's your decision not ours. You have to decide if it's something you think you can handle or not. If you have a great support system around you'll probably be fine. If not, well... good luck. LOL

Also, if this is your first deployment, just wait. Trust me, you do not want to add a pregnancy and new baby to the first deployment mix. It's not a good idea.

NSL · February 2011

I got pregnant with #2 just before we learned that DH was deploying. He left in July, baby was born in November, and it's been hard. The last three months have been ten times harder than the four I spent just parenting our preschooler by myself. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone even if you have an awesome support system. I do, and it's still really difficult.

FWIW, I'm loving the three year age gap. My older son is old enough to really understand what it means to have a baby in the house, and he's big enough to be genuinely helpful to me. Especially with DH gone, it's nice to have at least one out of diapers and able to dress himself.

Army vs Navy · February 2011

I've been asking myself the same question and I still don't know. We're not keeping an eye on the calender and have decided if it happens great. If it doesn't then that's okay as well.

seastar77 · February 2011

This question has gotten some good feedback... about spacing, support network, back up plans for emergencies, etc. Ultimately, it's so specific to your situation. We intentionally got pregnant with our second before DH's deployment and he'll come home to a 3 mo old, but I knew I was high risk ahead of time and I was able to move home with my parents, so I have had lots of extra help with my toddler. Good luck with your decision!

tlalli7106 · February 2011

This is the very reason that DH and I have decided to wait until he returns home to really start TTC. I mean not that we're not TTC now, but we're not TTA either. We both have the same outlook that when I stopped taking my BC pills in September we knew we were both ready to let whatever happen...happen. I was fine with the idea of getting pregnant right before he leaves. Hoping it's only a 6 month deployment and he would be here for the last few months and the birth. This is our first child. After awhile he decided that he wanted to be home for all/as much of the pregnancy as possible so he brought up the idea of waiting until he comes home. I was crushed at first because I was mentally preparing myself to get pregnant in the next couple months but after really thinking about why he made that decision it was all very clear. He wants to be here for the Dr. appt's to hear the heartbeat, find out the sex of the baby, drive me to Dr.'s appt's if needed. And God forbid if there were any complications or if I was put on bedrest he wanted to be here to "take care of me". We live in San Diego and all of our family lives back on the east coast so there really isn't anyone but a few coworkers/friends here for me. It took a long time for it to settle with me being 100% okay with waiting a few more months. I truly understand his reasoning now and even though I know timing things like this in the military is impossible, it's good to finally be on the same page as DH.

ttc #2 and deployment coming up?

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