Military Families
Options
Deployments..
So, DH is trying to get retained in the AF (they are med boarding him) so he can go back on deployments and stuff like that. Which is fine with me but my only problem is I'm a little scared to be alone with DD for 6 months. My family lives in FL and we currently live in NM. I know I can handle being with her but IDK how I will be able to work anymore or even catch a freakin break! I'm freaking out about this a little. I would go home to FL while he is gone but we have a big dog and the only way to get him to FL is by driving there... 21 hours. Yeah.. screw that.
So fellow military wives, how do you manage your kids, job or even your life while DH/SO is deployed??
Sometimes it's okay to follow. (Picture is a clicky)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Deployments..
Of course! What part of NM? We are at Cannon.
My husband will be deploying shortly and I will have 2 under 2.
We are budgeting money to go into getting a regular babysitter (~2x per week for 3-4 hours each time) and a cleaning person to come every other week. This way I know I have set times in the week where I can get out of the house for appointments for myself (doctor, hair, etc), grocery shop alone, run errands, have lunch with a girlfriend, etc. Not to mention just take a deep breath so that I am more refreshed for my children. The cleaning person will be for the deep cleaning (bathrooms, mopping, dusting) that would be a major chore with everything else going on. My mom lives about 4 hours away and will come about one weekend per month to help me out. She will spend more time with me in the summer months because she is a teacher.
I think so much of this is a can-do attitude. If you sit and mull over all the ways it could be hard and horrible it probably will be. But if you keep yourself busy with activities and make sure you make some time for your self, I think it is very very doable. My husband is gone for a few weeks right now and it is my first time with both kids alone for more than a night or two. It is going much better than I anticipated. I just keep a calendar and make sure I have at least one thing OUT OF THE HOUSE to do every day. Even if it is just an hour walk or having a friend over for an hour in the morning. Something.
I am not a proponent of the "go home" stuff. For me at least, home is not where my parents live. It is where I live with my husband and kids. I love my family but i need my independance. And to be blunt, my husband's service to the country does not mean that my parents should have to support me or put me up for months on end every few years. THat is just ridiculous. Time to grow up!
You just suck it up and do it.
If you're near a base, and they offer free childcare hours for deployed families, take advantage of them, or at least find babysitters before he leaves. Get out by yourself at least once a week if you can, even if it's just for an hour or two.
Some days will be great and "easy" and fun. Some days will suck. You'll be exhausted and frustrated and wonder how you'll get through another minute. And then your kid will smile at you and give you a hug and suddenly you're ok again.
You'll get into a routine pretty quickly and it'll be no big deal.
We're almost 7 months into this deployment and it has FLOWN by, mostly because of how busy my kids keep me.
MH has yet to be deployed, so my experience is limited to the three months he spent in training. We had no children at the time, so I cannot answer that, but I can answer how I managed my life.
I wrote to him every day so that I could feel connected to him and keep him connected to my life. I know that it may not be as easy to write to YH while he is deployed as it was for me to write to mine was at a training station, but if writing him letters is not an option, try keeping a diary. It can give you the same sense of staying connected and he can read it when he returns to see what life was like for you. He could do the same as well. And that would be a very cute keepsake!
I also just went on with my life. I spent a lot of time with my sister, and I saw my friends as much as possible. I went to work every day. I went to the gym after work. I missed him, but I just tried to stay positive and focus on my life in the present and dream about being with him again.
Good luck with your daughter during your husband's deployments, and I hope that you don't get burned out! Just remember to enjoy the time as best as you can
I don't want to go back so they can support me. It would just be nice to have family near by so they can watch DD while I'm working. Daycare and hiring a babysitter isn't an easy task since we can't really afford one. I have been on my own for 3 years now so I think I've grown a little
I have four kids. I manage it because I have no other choice. There are days that suck and make me want to pull my hair out. Most days are good though. I keep everyone on schedule. Our days are full and planned out. It helps to keep everyone busy.
Start building a support system around you. Durring deployments, my girls and I often get together for dinners. Once a week, usually Fridays, we plan a dinner at someone's house. That person provides the entree. Everyone else brings a side dish or dessert. We all bring our kids. Usually, we watch a movie or play a game.
We also plan a dinner out once a month with out kids. It helps to have a little grown up time with other ladies in your situation.
It will be hard at first. After a while, you'll get into a routine and things will get easier.
Wow... bitchy much? Just because that's not your choice doesn't mean it's not perfectly valid for a lot of people. If your parents would treat you like an imposition should you decide to move back home, that's your problem with them. I know plenty of people who've been home for various reasons and it works for their family situations. Quit trying to take people down just because you are too "mature" and "independent" to utilize that kind of help if it's available. Rude.
Ditto this. Our younger son was born 4 months into DH's current deployment. It was hard with one and has been harder with two, but it's not like I can just throw up my hands and say I've had enough. You do what you have to do to be the best parent you can to your kids and the best employee you can be at work. And really, you have to remind yourself that it's temporary.
ITA and I know I can't just give up. My main concern is working because we can't really afford daycare or a babysitter. I'm going to look into the free childcare though. Thanks!
You will be ok and there is nothing wrong with going home when hubby is deployed I know a lot of girls that do it and it does not mean than because he serves this country you think your parents should support you the person who wrote that is &^&%^%$#$@#%^%&^&*(&&^%%$#@%$%^&^*.
Anyway I am sure family would love to have you around and baby while your hubby is gone and in the mean while you can help them financially if they need it and if not you can save money and pay off any debt that is how we do it when hubby get's deployed.
Goo
Make a pregnancy ticker
Good Luck you will be ok and make it through this deployment. Past 2 that hubby went we had no kids but are expecting our first now and I am sure that my mom and his parents wouldn't want it any other way than for me to be close to them if hubby is not and why wouldn't I let my kids be around family if I am in a situation were that would be ideal.
Good Luck again
Make a pregnancy ticker
Well said MrsDuncan..............
Make a pregnancy ticker