Husband joining Army-unsupportive MIL
I haven't written on here much since my husband hasn't officially joined the Army yet. We went and spoke to the Army recruiter yesterday and it well. He goes for his physical on Thursday, and according to the paperwork yesterday he'll leave for basic June 20th, after he finishes the spring semester. He's going in for engineering. Yesterday he was telling his mom about possibly going for technical engineering and when he'd leave. His mom started telling him how everyone she talks to says he needs to go Air Force, and he just seems to want to go off to fight in the war. I understand she is worried, and so am I. But it's not like the Air Force doesn't deploy either. He tried to tell her that this is what he wants to do. DH and I have talked about the AF, Army, Marines and Navy and he's made a decision. I know it is very important that he has his families support. I tried to tell his mom that most of all he needs our support more than anything and she snapped at me about how I would feel if one of my sons told me they were joining and DH told her we'd ask if that's what they really wanted to do and if they said yes we'd support them. I think DS put it the best way that he's proud that his Daddy will be serving our country but he's scared, and I think that's right. But MIL's reaction is making DH upset in the fact that he really wants her support and her lack of it is really getting to him. I don't know if I should try to talk to her or what I should....he has my support and he knows it but I can't replace the support he needs from his mother. Any suggestions? Should I talk to her?
Re: Husband joining Army-unsupportive MIL
There isn't much you'll be able to do to change her mind. It sucks for your H that she's not supportive, but your talking to her probably won't help. The important thing is that he has your support and your DS's. As much as he would like it, he doesn't need hers; he's an adult.
FWIW, my ILs hate that H is in the military. When he was in ROTC he spent a lot of time and energy trying to get them to be supportive. It's been almost 10 years since he joined ROTC and 6 since he commissioned; they still hate it. He had to change his attitude about needing their support, since they probably won't ever change theirs.
Your MIL is scared for her son. She is trying to push him toward the AF because people have convinced her that it is the safer option. I say give her a break. If she comes around, she comes around. If not, he's going to have to give up on her support.
My mom was completely against me joining the Army. I get out next month and she has decided to throw a party to celebrate. I'm pretty pissed about it and will not be attending.
My H is on the same step as yours is. He is not in yet but he will leave for basic in May (Air Force).
You have to go with which ever branch you (and your H) is comfortable with. If he wants Army then why should he go with anything else? I think your MIL is just scared. Do you live close to her now? That is what we are facing. We live close to H's parents and his mom is scared that she is loosing her "baby boy" We see her everyday and soon it will be once every 6 months, a year? We don't know. She is having a real hard time with it. But you have to remember that you are both adults and need to do what is best for you and your family. Sometimes we can't have 100% support from everyone. But support from you and yalls son is the best thing ever.
Give her a little bit of time to allow everything to sink in. I agree she is scared of all the what ifs that might happen. The biggest thing you can do is support him and let him know that you are going to stand beside him.
Every military retirement I have attended, they always say they couldn't have done it if it wasn't for their wife and kids supporting them.
That has to be super frustrating. I'm somewhat in the same boat, except it's not my MIL that has the problem with my husband joining the army (--it's everyone else we know that has the problem with him joining the army!
We have had TONS of people tell us, "Why don't you just join the Air Force?" My husband also has 2 retired colonels from the Air Force and a cousin joining the Air Force. People at our church who work at the AFB close by have been doing everything they can to convince my husband that the Air Force is the way to go. Some have said that the army will treat him badly, that they don't care about their people, etc. etc. I was shocked at how many negative comments we've received about my husband's decision. I don't know what everyone's deal is with wanting him to join the Air Force. It's crazy.
Finally one day after several people were questioning him, he just said, "I could do Air Force, I could do the Marines, I could also be a kindergarten teacher! Problem is, I don't feel called to do any of those. I could do a lot of things but I want to be in the Army." I was glad he stood up for himself.
I'd recommend just having your husband talk to his mom. Have him tell her that he's weighed his options and for his family the army is the best option. Being in the army can be dangerous, but so can driving a car. There are dangers in everything. I know your MIL is scared and upset. I reacted the same way with my husband when he said he wanted to do the military. But as soon as I saw how much he wanted to do it, I decided I'd support him. Now I really feel great about it. It took me some time but I'm glad to support my future soldier!
My DH wanted to go active duty infantry right out of HS, but his mom cried and wrung her hands, etc, and he felt guilty and compromised by joining the Nat'l Guard in field artillery... fast forward a few years to when I met him... he was thankful for the Guard time because he was able to fit in his bachelor's in the process, but he was also constantly bemoaning how he still wished he'd had the chance to do what he originally wanted to do. I strongly encouraged him to make the jump when his Guard contract ended, and his mom was SO upset! (First, I marry her firstborn and "take" him away from her, then I suggest he go join the "big" Army in a dangerous MOS : P I'm such a bad DIL lol.) Anyway, long story short, my DH has thrived in his new career and his mom has just had to learn to cope. He feels so much accomplishment in finally getting to do the things he always wanted to, and that sense of having a job he loves is WAY more important than whether or not his mom is worried. We understand she just wants the best ("safest") job for him, but moms have to understand their children wanting a career that makes them happy and satisfied.
I hope your DH moves forward with his decision since it sounds like he has given it a lot of thought and really wants to pursue it. He should explain to her that no matter what branch of service, he's going to deploy, so what really matters is picking something he genuinely wants to do because it will make his career that much more fulfilling.
My mother in law was against hubby joining the MARINES but now she could not be prouder.
Hubby initially was going to join the ARMY but said he wanted a challenge and wanted to be the best so went towards the MARINES. To be honest I was a bit against it also because I did not see him as someone who could kill someone (I know that was ignorance on my behalf) if it came to it but now I realize there is so much more to it.
One day your mans mom will realize that she was wrong for acting this way and will be extremely proud of him.
In the end it is his choice my husband is a recruiter for the Marines right now and there is so much more to the Military than what parents hear they just need to educated themselves regarding the military and each branch.
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