- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
Probably my final update about this mess
Counseling didn't happen. SO, ex-SO now, backed out at the last second. He left for this other girl, who is 19, immature, and hates DS. She actually told SO he should have made me get an abortion at one point.
When all this went down, I bought a one way ticket to Columbus, OH, and left town the next day. I told him in all honesty we may not come back to Orlando. And I asked him if she was worth losing his son over. His reply: "I guess we'll find out."
It makes me absolutely sick to think that he chose that girl over his own flesh and blood. You know, do what you want to me, but treat your son better than that. And I don't care how much of a biitch it makes me, or how awful of a person, I removed my son from that situation, because I will not stand by and allow a person like her to be involved in his life. Someone that would rather he was dead so she could have better access to his father. I refuse to let her come anywhere near my baby boy. And I don't give a shiit if that makes me a selfish person. He made his choice. If he never sets eyes on his son again in his life, that is HIS decision. Because I won't have my baby boy in that kind of environment.
We left yesterday, and I haven't contacted the sperm donor yet. And I don't plan to. I know him pretty damn well. Whatever else he is, he does love his son deep down. I think time completely without us, and without any contact at all, will bring a hard dose of reality to his life. And I can guarantee at some point in the near future, he's going to call us and want us to come back. He's going to want to work things out.
But that's just too bad. Because unless he figures out a way to prove that he has absolutely done a complete 180, goes to therapy by himself, and does I don't know what else, I'm not even going to listen to a word he says.
So I am now doing things completely on my own. It's just me and my little guy. So I need some encouragement. I need to feel like we're going to be ok and that I can totally do this on my own. That I can find a job to support us, I can finish school, and that DS and I are going to find someone who will love us the way his dad should have. I know things will get better. It can't rain all the time right? I'm just not feeling so great about anything at the moment.
Breastfeeding, Co-Sleeping, Babywearing, Animal Loving Family!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Probably my final update about this mess
Oh geez mama. What an a$$hole. Of course I don't need to tell you that.
He's just not ready to have a family it sounds like. Are you back with family now? I hope you can lean on them so you can finish school. I would contact an atty. ASAP (you may be able to find one who will work with you on price, or see if your family may help if you don't have $$) so you can get child support worked out. He owes it to you.
I would just cut him off unless he wants some sort of visitation, which it sounds like he won't seek anytime soon. Even then I would have a cooling off period since he doesn't seem to care about his LO. I can't believe him. I'm so pissed at him.
We love you & we're here for you mama. Hugs.
Good luck. That sucks.
I was raised by a single mom. I would see my dad maybe once a month if that. He was a real loser, but my mom never said a word to me about it. I realize now that I'm older that she did me a real favor never bad mouthing him. I don't know how she did it. She did occasionally remind me not to get my hopes up about things he promised we would do.
You and your son will be better off with out him it sounds like to me.
Jeez, Katie, what a mess. Good riddance. Get him out of your sig picture. I think it will make you feel better.
Is your family in Ohio? Hopefully they are so at least you will have some support there. It's going to be hard but you will make it on your own without him.
I have a good story about a single mother. My (now)SIL's husband left her when she was pregnant with her DD. He just freaked out that he couldn't handle being a dad. So she had my niece on her own. When her DD was 6 months old she started dating my BIL. After a while he moved in with them and they got married. SIL and BIL now have a son together also. The best part of this story is how accepted the first DD is by MH's family. She is the first grand child, whether she is blood or not. My BIL raises her and treats her as his own. My IL's spoil her and treat her just like she is theirs and of course we treat her no different than her brother because she is our niece, just the same. We all love her to death.
I am sure that she had a really hard time at first, but like you said, it can't rain forever. It might take some time and some hard work, but sooner or later the sun will shine for you too. Thinking of you and your little guy!
Wedding/Honeymoon Pictures
I'm very sorry this is happening to you (I've been following your story) but I think you reallyreally need to be careful here and this could come back and bite you in the ass. First you need to delete this and all other related posts.
Second you need to contact an attorney and make sure that you leaving the state with your child is legal and then you need to make sure that custody/child support issues are solved on paper, in writing. Stop talking to him directly (no texts, no phone calls, no emails) and only discuss things via your attorney. Find someone who will take your case pro bono or take out a loan if you have to, but don't try to do this on your own.
You have said before that ex-SO's family is very close to him, and pissing him or them off by taking the baby out of the state is not what you need right now-- your child is 50% his and he very easily could try to fight for custody or worse.
I don't mean to scare you, but running away to another state when there is a child involved is a risky move, and you REALLY need to make sure you are legally covered.
Good luck.
This is not legal advice, but considering you were not married and he "abandoned" you by moving out of your shared home, you are within your rights to relocate, especially if you did so to be close to a support system. That said you should contact a family lawyer, because you are due child support and you should establish a custody agreement.
I am very sorry.
I'm so so sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you are able to stay w/ family?
I agree w/ everyone else about seeking legal advice and figuring out custody and child support.
I am so sorry you are going through this. You will get through it and you will be great and stronger because of it.
Some of the pps raised legal issues. You really need to get an attorney ASAP. Right now he is distracted by the 19yo but eventually that will cool and he may try to come after the baby. Make sure you have all of your i's dotted and t's crossed by then. Also, make sure you are on top of the law in Florida as well as Ohio.
Just so you know how messed up this area of law is- when I was little, my mom had custody of us kids in one state (as agreed upon), but my step-dad later decided he wanted the kids and filed for custody in another state and received it. He tried to use that as leverage to get my mom back (he had decided he didn't want to lose his family after all). One day he drove up (halfway across the country) and picked up my bro and sis from school and drove back to his state. He was long gone before my mom even knew what was happening. Although she tried, my mom never got them back. True story.
Despite the heartache you must be feeling, be on your guard and get your legal situation taken care of ASAP so you can protect LO and be sure he stays with you. Right now, while sperm donor is trying to prove something to the 19yo, he might sign off on things and make the process easier than it would be in the future.
Best of luck to you ((hugs))
I am so sorry. What a jerk. Good for you for putting you and your son first and saying enough is enough. Do you have family in OH? I hope so and I hope they are a great support system for you to lean on and will be there for you.
You are a strong, amazing mother and you can do this. Hugs!
Ditto about the legal advice. Taking the baby out of state without properly documenting that he "abandoned" you could be problematic. Looking back through your posts, you posted three weeks ago about having sex with him and only ten days ago about him moving out. Sometimes documentation of abandonment requires a long period of time. Sometimes it requires posting in newspapers. You need to look into the laws of the state of Florida. If you have a lease signed by him in your shared residence and he's only been gone for a week or so, and YOU leave the state, your shared residence, and your job, it could easily be construed that YOU abandoned HIM.
I know how emotional you must be right now but you need to take steps to protect yourself -- the last thing you want to happen is to get arrested for kidnapping your baby.
Don't worry mamas. When all of this started to go down, I got in contact with one of the top 3 family law attorneys in the state of FL. A good friend of mine put me in contact as they're good friends as well. We don't have a signed lease or anything legal saying that he lived with me. Actually, as far as the state is concerned, he still resides at his parents' house. Before I did anything, I actually sat down and talked to his family. They agreed that taking C to my mom's in OH for a while was the best move for us. Ironically, with all of this going down, it has brought me closer to HIS family, which was one of the biggest issues in our relationship.
For now, it's just a vacation to clear my head. But I am still working on legal issues though I'm not physically there. IF it does become permanent, I will definitely make sure that I do everything properly so that he can't get custody of him.
From what mutual friends have told me, he's already starting to see the magnitude of his mistake. I'm giving it another couple of weeks before he starts to act like an adult again and be civil enough to mediate support and custody issues.
I guess what makes me the angriest is the complete disregard that's been shown for my son by either of them. This chick just saw him as an obstacle in the way of snatching my SO from me, and treated the situation as such. Makes me f-ing sick. I can't believe someone could do that to a 6 month old baby. Ugh. And MY baby at that.
Ugh, Katie, I'm so sorry to hear this. What a tool. You're doing the right thing, though, by making sure your ass is covered so you can take care of your son.
And, please take him out of your siggy. I want to punch his stupid little face every time I see it. Jerk.
::hugs:: mama. HE is the selfish one, you're putting your son's needs and well-being first. Definitely contact an attorney, and contact him through your attorney for a while until you can be civil. Get child support set up asap.
I'm proud of you for being so strong, good job, and we're always here to help if you need us. I'm sure ladies on the single parents' board would be a good resource too. Good luck, you are amazing and you'll find a way to make it through.
Hugs mama - so sorry things have taken this turn :-( I think you are doing the right thing by getting out of the situation. I'd echo the comments to seek legal advice ASAP to protect yourself and kiddo.
Wish I had more wisdom to offer. Stay strong and know that you can do this!!
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
Cloth Diaper Guide
Safe Bed Sharing Info
I had to put <*p> (remove stars) where I wanted to start a new line when I re-did my siggy. It's annoying.
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. You are strong enough to do this though. Know how I know that? Because you got your stuff & your son & got the heck out of that bad situation. That's not small potatoes & it shows what kind of mama you are. You didn't allow yourself or your son to stay in such a toxic environment & you're already taking the proper steps to protect him. You're a good mama, lady.
Many many hugs to you & your sweet babe. And if I could kick your ex-SO in the junk, I so would. It definitely sounds like he is incredibly immature & unwilling to grow up for the sake of his son. It should disgust him as much as it disgusts you that this obviously trashy girl said such an awful about his son who is innocent in this whole situation.
I'll continue to keep you & your boy close in my thoughts.
Katie - you know M and i are here for ya if you need ANYTHING.
if moving to OH is the right thing for you two, i totally support that, but will MISS YOU!