Talk to me about bedtime routines please!

lgmom2010 · February 2011

When did you start them and what do you do? L is getting harder and harder to put down, and she has always been a tough one at that. She fights sleep like no other especially if anyone else is around. I feel like it's time to get a routine and maybe that will help bedtime be less of a fight. No one else can get her to sleep, only me. Lately she has been having some anxiety when I'm not in her sight or not holding her. How long does it take for them to get used to a bedtime routine? Ugh I need some advice, I am one exhausted mama.

jkalmommy2b · February 2011

We started a routine around 3 months. For me, I didn't expect her to be sleepy when we started it, but rather just so she knew what to expect. Our routine hasn't changed much since then. The time has shifted back slightly. We would have dinner, bath, pjs, read, rock/nurse, bed. She was fussy/tired by 7 so we aimed to have her in bed by then. We've added quiet play between pjs and read now that she's a little older. What time is your LO going to bed?

KateLouise · February 2011

We have always done a bedtime routine even when she was brand new and was obviously going to wake through the night for feeding.

But I don't think it really matters when you start, as even with a really solid routine and our LO being a pretty good sleeper we've had plenty of times when she's fought going to sleep.

Our routine is:

Dinner 5.45pmish

Bathtime 6.15ish

Playtime (This is DHs chance to have some time with her after work)/storytime

Nursing session

Cuddles/lullabye and into bed. She's generally down for the night by 730pm but often earlier.

I don't know how long it takes for them to get used to a new routine, and it perhaps depend on how big a change you are implementing. eg. if you go from nursing her to sleep to DH putting her down wide awake then that's a big change for LO.

If you do the same things you always have but just do it at a set time then probably not such a big change.

Is there anything you particularly dislike about your current routine? You say only you can put her down, but do you have to nurse her? Does it take you an hour to get her to sleep? Or is it just that you feel like you can't be away from her in the evening because only you can get her to sleep?

Separation anxiety is very normal. has she generally been content with DH? Is DH relaxed with her? Sometimes DHs and LOs need time together to find their own way of doing things.

Good luck

Billysbaby722 · February 2011

We always had a strong bedtime routine, and from about a week and a half old DD has 'gotten it' We'll feed and comfort her, but we don't play, turn on lights, do diaper changes unless we have to, and she generally sleeps from 10 or 11 pm to 8:30-9:30. If she wakes up or cries, she's not feeling great. We're fairly lucky.

happyhoopla · February 2011

After she nurses at 4 or 5, we do naked play time and smear her with lotion. When she starts to act a bit fussy (about an hour later), we get her in her pj's and DH takes her up to her room and reads to her until she drifts off. They have their cuddle time and I have some quiet time downstairs. I watch on the monitor and as soon as she wakes up, I go up and she gets her diaper changed/swaddled. She then nurses again and hopefully falls asleep at the tap. Down to bed around 7ish if all goes well.

teamsweet · February 2011

We start our routine with a bath and then things get progressively quieter and lights gets dimmer from there. We start bath time about 2 hours from whenever he woke from his afternoon nap. Most days this is around 7. I'll let him play in the tub. Then to his bedroom where the lights are dimmed halfway for lotion and pjs. Then to my bedroom for stories with a soft lamp and we nurse to sleep (about 30 minutes). Then I carry him to his crib and he's out for at least a few hours.

If he's not asleep after nursing, I'll bounce him to sleep.

lgmom2010 · February 2011

jkalmommy2b:
We started a routine around 3 months. For me, I didn't expect her to be sleepy when we started it, but rather just so she knew what to expect. Our routine hasn't changed much since then. The time has shifted back slightly. We would have dinner, bath, pjs, read, rock/nurse, bed. She was fussy/tired by 7 so we aimed to have her in bed by then. We've added quiet play between pjs and read now that she's a little older. What time is your LO going to bed?

It's usually around 8 or 9 if we are lucky.

lgmom2010 · February 2011

KateLouise:
We have always done a bedtime routine even when she was brand new and was obviously going to wake through the night for feeding.
But I don't think it really matters when you start, as even with a really solid routine and our LO being a pretty good sleeper we've had plenty of times when she's fought going to sleep.
Our routine is:
Dinner 5.45pmish
Bathtime 6.15ish
Playtime (This is DHs chance to have some time with her after work)/storytime
Nursing session
Cuddles/lullabye and into bed. She's generally down for the night by 730pm but often earlier.
I don't know how long it takes for them to get used to a new routine, and it perhaps depend on how big a change you are implementing. eg. if you go from nursing her to sleep to DH putting her down wide awake then that's a big change for LO.
If you do the same things you always have but just do it at a set time then probably not such a big change.
Is there anything you particularly dislike about your current routine? You say only you can put her down, but do you have to nurse her? Does it take you an hour to get her to sleep? Or is it just that you feel like you can't be away from her in the evening because only you can get her to sleep?
Separation anxiety is very normal. has she generally been content with DH? Is DH relaxed with her? Sometimes DHs and LOs need time together to find their own way of doing things.

Good luck

Thank you!

It seems like every night has been different. She has always been colicky so bed time has been a struggle. She has reflux and dairy/soy allergy and now that we are getting that under control I want to start a routine. Sometimes she nurses to sleep and sometimes I have to wear her. We were giving baths every other night but now I think we will do one every night bc she does seem to go down easier after a bath. I don't think she would fall asleep without nursing or being worn so those are the only things I can do since DH desn't do either. It usually takes an hour or more to get her to sleep. I would love to get DH involved and be able to have him put her down sometimes too. Any suggestions?

She is usually content with DH but the second she gets fussy he hands her over. And I think he gets anxiety abt being alone with her bc he anticipates her being fussy. I try to get him to spend more time with her but I feel like I have to nag him to do that and to help me out. It's very frustrating!

KateLouise · February 2011

lgmom2010:
KateLouise:
We have always done a bedtime routine even when she was brand new and was obviously going to wake through the night for feeding.
But I don't think it really matters when you start, as even with a really solid routine and our LO being a pretty good sleeper we've had plenty of times when she's fought going to sleep.
Our routine is:
Dinner 5.45pmish
Bathtime 6.15ish
Playtime (This is DHs chance to have some time with her after work)/storytime
Nursing session
Cuddles/lullabye and into bed. She's generally down for the night by 730pm but often earlier.
I don't know how long it takes for them to get used to a new routine, and it perhaps depend on how big a change you are implementing. eg. if you go from nursing her to sleep to DH putting her down wide awake then that's a big change for LO.
If you do the same things you always have but just do it at a set time then probably not such a big change.
Is there anything you particularly dislike about your current routine? You say only you can put her down, but do you have to nurse her? Does it take you an hour to get her to sleep? Or is it just that you feel like you can't be away from her in the evening because only you can get her to sleep?
Separation anxiety is very normal. has she generally been content with DH? Is DH relaxed with her? Sometimes DHs and LOs need time together to find their own way of doing things.

Good luck

Thank you!

It seems like every night has been different. She has always been colicky so bed time has been a struggle. She has reflux and dairy/soy allergy and now that we are getting that under control I want to start a routine. Sometimes she nurses to sleep and sometimes I have to wear her. We were giving baths every other night but now I think we will do one every night bc she does seem to go down easier after a bath. I don't think she would fall asleep without nursing or being worn so those are the only things I can do since DH desn't do either. It usually takes an hour or more to get her to sleep. I would love to get DH involved and be able to have him put her down sometimes too. Any suggestions?
She is usually content with DH but the second she gets fussy he hands her over. And I think he gets anxiety abt being alone with her bc he anticipates her being fussy. I try to get him to spend more time with her but I feel like I have to nag him to do that and to help me out. It's very frustrating!

I was ruthless with Dh when LO was brand new. If I was confident that LO wasn't hungry ie I'd just fed her then if he had her and she fussed, and he tried to pass her off to me I'd just shrug my shoulders and say, "I can't do anything you can't do." and so forced him early on to find his own way of calming her.

And not just for him to find his own way, but for LO to get used to more than one way of being soothed. Obviously there have still been times when only Mum will do, but I think it helped DH build confidence.

It's sounds like your DH is anxious and perhaps your LO is sensing that. My midwife told us, "act like you know what you're doing and your LO will sense that you feel in control and so feel relaxed and safe with you."

My only suggestion, and I don't know how good it is, is maybe to try and get DH to build confidence with LO before she gets fussy.

So maybe he has playtime with her and you step in before she gets fussy, so that DH and LO view each other really positively. Also go out and leave them for short periods, even just a 30minute walk around the block will give them a chance to sort out their own way of doing things, and no one will die if you're not there to step in.

Maybe also other small things you can do like take LO to say goodnight to Daddy before you take her to bed. or he could have showers with her or just anyway where they get to interact in really positive ways without being left until it turns bad.

I can imagine your frustration at having to nag him, but until he sees it as a positive thing then he's unlikely to volunteer.

Or maybe he can he can help in other ways: lay out her pyjamas, run her bath, get dinner on, clean the kitchen while you bath her etc etc.

Also could DH be a part of the routine. Maybe he does bathtime or reads her a story.

I think until you've weaned her from being nursed to sleep then you have to accept that you're on "putting her to sleep" duty, but that doesn't mean your DH can't be a firm part of bed time routine and that your LO get really comfortable with him as a safe and cosy part of bedtime.

I don't know if weaning off nursing to sleep is something you're considering, but if you are I know Elizabeth Pantley's pull off method is popular with many people for a gentle way to wean off this.

I like the baby whisperer's ideas on pick up put down and had a lot of success with those.

Anyway, I don't know if my ideas are any use or not, but it's just what came to mind.

I hope you find a way through because I know what it's like when you feel like your LO will never go to sleep without you and that you might have to go on her honeymoon with her.

Good luck.

lgmom2010 · February 2011

KateLouise:
lgmom2010:
KateLouise:
We have always done a bedtime routine even when she was brand new and was obviously going to wake through the night for feeding.
But I don't think it really matters when you start, as even with a really solid routine and our LO being a pretty good sleeper we've had plenty of times when she's fought going to sleep.
Our routine is:
Dinner 5.45pmish
Bathtime 6.15ish
Playtime (This is DHs chance to have some time with her after work)/storytime
Nursing session
Cuddles/lullabye and into bed. She's generally down for the night by 730pm but often earlier.
I don't know how long it takes for them to get used to a new routine, and it perhaps depend on how big a change you are implementing. eg. if you go from nursing her to sleep to DH putting her down wide awake then that's a big change for LO.
If you do the same things you always have but just do it at a set time then probably not such a big change.
Is there anything you particularly dislike about your current routine? You say only you can put her down, but do you have to nurse her? Does it take you an hour to get her to sleep? Or is it just that you feel like you can't be away from her in the evening because only you can get her to sleep?
Separation anxiety is very normal. has she generally been content with DH? Is DH relaxed with her? Sometimes DHs and LOs need time together to find their own way of doing things.

Good luck

Thank you!

It seems like every night has been different. She has always been colicky so bed time has been a struggle. She has reflux and dairy/soy allergy and now that we are getting that under control I want to start a routine. Sometimes she nurses to sleep and sometimes I have to wear her. We were giving baths every other night but now I think we will do one every night bc she does seem to go down easier after a bath. I don't think she would fall asleep without nursing or being worn so those are the only things I can do since DH desn't do either. It usually takes an hour or more to get her to sleep. I would love to get DH involved and be able to have him put her down sometimes too. Any suggestions?
She is usually content with DH but the second she gets fussy he hands her over. And I think he gets anxiety abt being alone with her bc he anticipates her being fussy. I try to get him to spend more time with her but I feel like I have to nag him to do that and to help me out. It's very frustrating!

I was ruthless with Dh when LO was brand new. If I was confident that LO wasn't hungry ie I'd just fed her then if he had her and she fussed, and he tried to pass her off to me I'd just shrug my shoulders and say, "I can't do anything you can't do." and so forced him early on to find his own way of calming her.
And not just for him to find his own way, but for LO to get used to more than one way of being soothed. Obviously there have still been times when only Mum will do, but I think it helped DH build confidence.
It's sounds like your DH is anxious and perhaps your LO is sensing that. My midwife told us, "act like you know what you're doing and your LO will sense that you feel in control and so feel relaxed and safe with you."
My only suggestion, and I don't know how good it is, is maybe to try and get DH to build confidence with LO before she gets fussy.
So maybe he has playtime with her and you step in before she gets fussy, so that DH and LO view each other really positively. Also go out and leave them for short periods, even just a 30minute walk around the block will give them a chance to sort out their own way of doing things, and no one will die if you're not there to step in.
Maybe also other small things you can do like take LO to say goodnight to Daddy before you take her to bed. or he could have showers with her or just anyway where they get to interact in really positive ways without being left until it turns bad.
I can imagine your frustration at having to nag him, but until he sees it as a positive thing then he's unlikely to volunteer.
Or maybe he can he can help in other ways: lay out her pyjamas, run her bath, get dinner on, clean the kitchen while you bath her etc etc.
Also could DH be a part of the routine. Maybe he does bathtime or reads her a story.
I think until you've weaned her from being nursed to sleep then you have to accept that you're on "putting her to sleep" duty, but that doesn't mean your DH can't be a firm part of bed time routine and that your LO get really comfortable with him as a safe and cosy part of bedtime.
I don't know if weaning off nursing to sleep is something you're considering, but if you are I know Elizabeth Pantley's pull off method is popular with many people for a gentle way to wean off this.
I like the baby whisperer's ideas on pick up put down and had a lot of success with those.
Anyway, I don't know if my ideas are any use or not, but it's just what came to mind.
I hope you find a way through because I know what it's like when you feel like your LO will never go to sleep without you and that you might have to go on her honeymoon with her.
Good luck.

Thank you so much! You have some very good tips and I really appreciate you sharing! The past 2 nights we started the routine...dad reads book, mom gives bath while dad makes dinner and then mom nurses to sleep. I tried to put her in her crib but she wakes up immediately so then I just nurse her to sleep in our bed. It worked successfully the first night, but not so much the 2nd. I started at 7 so that she can be asleep somewhere btwn 8 and 9. I want to readjust it so that we can have dinner together as a family before story time. I guess it just takes some time to play around with it until something fits perfectly for us. Some nights make it complicated when we have other things going on, but I want to try and keep it as consistent as possible. I am going to use your suggestion about having dad and baby together during happy times. I am going to start running errands when dad gets home from work, so him and baby can have some time together alone. I'm trying to encourage him to take her for walks too. I guess baby steps at this point! Thanks again!

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