PPD at a year?? Long
erin922
member
This may end up being long...just a warning! After DD was born, I had the normal baby blues, good days and bad. Then when DD was 6 weeks old, DH left for a police academy and was only home on the weekends for 16 weeks. Things got much tougher as you can imagine and I had some really bad days, but really good days too. I always blamed my sadness and frustration on not having DH around. Then DH finished the academy and was home, yet I still wasn't happy. I ended up breaking down to my DH telling him how I felt and he completely supported me. I talked to my doc when DD was about 6 months just telling her that I thought I may have PPD. She didn't ask me anything really, put me on prozac and told me to talk to a therapist. Well, I took the prozac for a week and hated every second of it. I felt horrible physically. Mentally, there was no change, which I didn't expect any after just a week of use. But during that week of taking it, I spent alot of time talking to DH about my feelings and really started to feel better knowing that he was understanding what I was going through. He was the only one I talked to about it. Everyone else thought I was a glowing, happy new mom. So I decided to stop taking the prozac and really did well for the past 6 months, just by knowing that DH was there to talk to if needed. I certainly still had some bad days where I felt miserable, anxious, impatient, but they were mainly during the week before my period and I just coughed it up to bad PMS. Last month I decided to go off birth control because we may start TTC again in the next few months and with DD it took a good 6 months before getting pregnant.
So, in the past week now (1 week before my due period)I have been a raging lunatic with DH. I have absolutely no patience for him, even though he is the most thoughtful, understanding, patient man with me...even when I'm screaming at him over little things. I am getting so anxious when things don't go as planned, like DD taking forever to eat, not going down for naps easily, thinking of all the things I need to do around the house. I ended up having my first full-blown panic attack Sunday night to the point of making myself sick...I have no idea what triggered it, but luckily DH was not at work when it happened. I had another bad day today and everytime DH tried to talk to me I had to just shut him out or I would break down in tears.
I'm wondering if I do truly have PPD even a year after having DD, or could it maybe be PMDD, or maybe being off birth control has made my body completely go out of whack. I think I'm looking for people to tell me it's just because I'm off birth control, but I think I know the answer already and still just don't want to admit it. Ugh!! Thank you to anyone who is still reading this rambling mess!!
Re: PPD at a year?? Long
From the other side of the tunnel!!!
About 2.5 years ago, my post would have looked EXACTLY like yours. Only diff is that my son was about 9/10 months old at the peak of episode. My poor 1st son was only 2 1/2. My PPD came in the form of anger. I had a history of anxiety/depression, but it never came like this before. Like you, I chalked it up to lack of sleep/help. But I was ripping my husband to shreds and terrifying my 2.5 yr old. And deep inside, I was horrified that I would also turn on my baby. I was crying all the time. Didn't want to do anything. But acted fine around everyone else.
My husband, who knew about my past, had to take me aside and say "NOW is the time to get help. Whatever it takes."
If you need to, find another doctors opinion who will help find the right medicine for you. On top of that, you need to go to counseling or group therapy. Many hospitals offer this. In fact, if you doctor is not fantastically helpful, call the hospital and ask them for their post-partum support group. (YES, even at a year) Remember, this could have been going on for a while, but as moms we're so focused on getting our job done that when we finally notice, its like going 75 mph and hitting a wall.
Anyhow, the PPD support groups should be able to give you everything you need and point you in the right direction.
And don't be afraid to talk to a few friends. You'd be surprised how much help some (I know, not all) of them will be. Don't be afraid to accept help and support. You are not a failure!! Accepting some help will make you even stronger and able to help others later on. And it comes in different forms. Some friends will offer a meal - take it. Some will offer babysitting - take it. And some you will have to say (because they might not totally understand) "please call me every 3 days to make sure I'm hanging in there!"
God bless and keep doing whats best for you and your family!
Thank you for response and support! I'm feeling better ther more I am accepting what is going on and not ignoring it and I'm ready to finally start talking to someone and not keep it locked up inside. Thank you again!