The dreaded day has finally arrived

hav2run · February 2011

My DS is moving into his own place. Crying No major drama surrounding it at all. He just decided that he wanted to try having his own place, and found an apartment down the road. I am not sure what to think. Not sure if I should help him out or let him sink or swim. I am reasonably sure he is getting in over his head, but he won't listen to rational thoughts right now. Do I enable it or make him do it all by himself? I am not 100% comfortable with either option.

With all the work drama I have to deal with right now, this was really the last thing I wanted to have to worry about. The timing is awful. No point to my post, really. I just needed to vent.

warriormomerin · February 2011

By help him out do you mean with moving and stuff or paying rent? I say help him move and buy him a house warming gift, but let him figure out the rest. It's the only way he'll learn and truly appreciate what it actually means to be an adult.

Missbollinger · February 2011

warrior*mom:
By help him out do you mean with moving and stuff or paying rent? I say help him move and buy him a house warming gift, but let him figure out the rest. It's the only way he'll learn and truly appreciate what it actually means to be an adult.

THIS. If DS1 wants to move out this is what I would do, of course the boy has already figured out he needs a lot of mulah to be able to do that and a steady flow of mulah to make it work so he won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

stillwaiting12 · February 2011

I agree with the others. I speak from someone who isn't a parent yet so feel free to ignore me, but this is exactly what I needed when I was his age! It all seems SO easy until you actually move out and the bills start rolling in. My parents always made sure I knew that they supported and loved me, all while making it very clear they wouldn't carry my weight and if it didn't work out I always had a warm place to stay. They were always helpful when I needed something like help moving or decorating the new place etc.. But never paid my bills. It's important to let him learn but if he starts to sink be there for him and let him know he can move home to regroup and go at it again after he has time to prepare with more knowledge of the real world. Hopefully he will surprise you and grow up fast and take the punches of the world and roll with it!

kel716 · February 2011

Ditto the others-

I'd help him move into his new apt, get settled... and buy a house warming gift for him after he gets settled and you know what he needs. Rather than get him something sentimental, I might aim for a laundry basket full of some staples... like toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, other cleaning supplies, plunger, small tool box, etc...

And the one thing my dad always told me that I really appreciated knowing is that the "light" will always be on for me.

buckeyethor · February 2011

My brother moved out for a few months in his teens.. It was good for him to see what it was really like but he definitely realized quickly that the grass isn't always greener.

tiffyr0se · February 2011

I would also offer to help him make a budget. Help him make sure he understands his bills and insurance. Good luck

hav2run · February 2011

warrior*mom:
By help him out do you mean with moving and stuff or paying rent? I say help him move and buy him a house warming gift, but let him figure out the rest. It's the only way he'll learn and truly appreciate what it actually means to be an adult.

No, I won't help him with bills at all. He is on his own with that. His buddy/roomie is helping him move. I was thinking about helping out with buying some kitchen and cleaning stuff, giving him a few furniture items, and misc stuff sitting in the basement. Then I learned that the apt is a ONE bedroom place. They plan to partition off the BR and put in 2 beds until a 2 BR place becomes available.

I want to interject humor into this: You all will love the rest... I asked if his buddy was bringing any furniture. I was told "We are going all redneck, and will build our own with some scrap wood." I asked about a sofa, since he mentioned someone might have to sleep on the sofa until they find beds. He said "Oh yeah...we have the epic redneck couch! It is a backseat from a jeep!" All proud like. Surprise He said "I'll be living on ramen noodles for awhile." So I had to ask how he planned to cook said ramen noodles. He laughed and mentioned that his roomie had some metal buckets they could use on the stove. WTF? Who thinks that is ok? Is this a camping expedition or are they setting up a home? Stupid kids. Yes...I said kids and I meant kids. My KID does not use his brain.

So...I am going to buy them some basic kitchen essentials. Already bought the shower curtain neither of them thought about and provided toilet paper and paper towels. Now that it is night time, it is really starting to hurt me. I feel like someone died. This is the first night in over 20 years that he has not been in my care. It hurts. It is inevitable that they grow up and leave, but usually you get some warning that it is about to happen. I didn't get that, so the pain really sucks. Add in the fact that, obviously, my DS hasn't planned this well, and a crapton of worries, and I am hating this whole freaking day. Hug your little ones. DD is keeping me sane right now. At least I have her for another 16+ years. I hope!

sistrkate · February 2011

I'm very sorry you're so sad, and I can only imagine how tough this must be on you. I was never that kind of kid, my parents pretty much had to push me out the door when it was time, and I finally grew up

Not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but my brother moved out 4 times from my parents' house, and the last time, he didn't leave again. He's still there with 2 of his kids, who are now teenagers Indifferent Don't make the mistake my parents made!

I said that to make you laugh (even though it's all true!)

hav2run · February 2011

sistrkate:
I'm very sorry you're so sad, and I can only imagine how tough this must be on you. I was never that kind of kid, my parents pretty much had to push me out the door when it was time, and I finally grew up
Not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but my brother moved out 4 times from my parents' house, and the last time, he didn't leave again. He's still there with 2 of his kids, who are now teenagers Don't make the mistake my parents made!
I said that to make you laugh (even though it's all true!)

OMG, no! No, No, NO! LOL. I am stifling tears right now. It's all good because I know he is in a good apartment, and in a good place. We are on great terms. I am just so scared for him. He had it made here. His life is changing immensely. I have to let him go and find that out. Honestly, I thought the child would be 35 before I could get him out of here. I just wish I would have had some advance notice to process the change before it happened in one freaking day. He will be back, but things will be different.

DD saw him moving his things out today, so we had to tell her that bubba was moving to his new house. She is now all about Bubba. She was sad tonight. This is going to be hard on her since she just worships him anyway. He had the biggest BR with a walk in closet, so we will move her into his room eventually. He can take the guest room if and when he comes back. Poor planning=early arrival back home IMO, but why give him back all his creature comforts? He was already fair warned about it. I think project big girl room should take place in a different room than previously planned. I hate this thinking, but still.... why leave that room untouched?

Yep, I am struggling.

hav2run · February 2011

I am adding another one...just for fun (and the need to vent). Roomie's GF is 10 years older than roomie...is divorced and has two little kids. Roomie and DS are sharing a one BR apartment. I am taking bets on how long my single...no GF son is willing to put up with this crazy shizzz? Any betters out there? Every time I get a new tidbit from them, I think I have heard it all. It just gets more amusing. LOL. Geeked

robnnoel · February 2011

ETA: Well my quote bars didnt work. Bolded what I tried to quote.

I want to interject humor into this: You all will love the rest... I asked if his buddy was bringing any furniture. I was told "We are going all redneck, and will build our own with some scrap wood." I asked about a sofa, since he mentioned someone might have to sleep on the sofa until they find beds. He said "Oh yeah...we have the epic redneck couch! It is a backseat from a jeep!" All proud like. He said "I'll be living on ramen noodles for awhile." So I had to ask how he planned to cook said ramen noodles. He laughed and mentioned that his roomie had some metal buckets they could use on the stove. WTF? Who thinks that is ok? Is this a camping expedition or are they setting up a home? Stupid kids. Yes...I said kids and I meant kids. My KID does not use his brain.

OK. I have to admit I laughed out loud when I read this. I have to say this sounded like my guy friends when I was his age and my cousin who is his age now. I also say buy him some essentials that others have mentioned, go to the Dollar General and buy their $15 pots and pans, I can also recommend Ikea's cheap kitchen items.

Also, I read this to my DH and he said "Hun, you never had to live on your own in your own apt when you were that young and try to survive, you just do whatcha gotta do." My DH recommended a cheap small George Forman grill and to watch on Craigslist for free stuff.

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