Dealing with MIL

katkat74 · February 2011

I love my MIL but she makes me nuts---she is asking me over and over how do you feel and wanting to know what is going on? When I finally cave in and do fill her in (in minor details) she then goes on and on about ...it will all be okay, you are just nervous (for the record I am not at all) and then starts telling me how SHE would deal with whatever is going on. I have had not had an easy breezy pregnancy and when we don;t call her she will then just call the house over and over and over.

She is slightly argumentative and very dominant in personality. Just today she started going on about how she hoped her grandson would be dressed "chic" as she dressed her sons saavy. Those were her exact words. She will spoil this LO rotten and I know I am fortunate to have her generosity but seriously, she is getting on my nerves and I feel like I just need to put her in her place (gently)

Do I do so or just say nothing at all?

caranichole · February 2011

Oh my! Sounds very much like my MIL. She feels the need to call every single day and talks about how she just can't wait to see her little girl "Andrea"...btw, I am team Green and even if I do have a girl, I have already chosen her name and it's not Andrea!

Sometimes I just give her the old nod and smile or I just don't say anything while other times I boldly, but with no disrespect in my tone (i hope), state exactly how it is I intend on raising my child with no exception and sometimes she gets offended but sometimes people have to get offended to get the picture.

Sometimes you gotta pick and choose your battles. If you have a particular way you want to dress you LO then state it boldly and confidently. If it's not that serious to you, ignore this one and save your energy for the future.

mrsoh · February 2011

Sounds a bit like my MIL. She's more than willing to put in her 2 cents, and tell us how things should be done. For the most part I ignore her. She raised her child the way she wanted to, DH and I will raise ours the way we see fit. My mom actually gave me some really good advice on this point. She said she didn't always agree with things my grandparents did with/for us, but at the end of the day if our lives weren't in danger, and it wasn't an attempt to change our moral and values, was it really that big a deal?

I know it's frustrating to have someone else smashing their opinions down your throat, but in the end that's all they are, opinions. If she wants the baby dressed a certain way, let her buy the clothes. If you don't like them, maybe they're only worn in grandma's presence. We've got things MIL purchased that I know LO will never wear just based on the type of clothing and size she got (LO will not be wearing a polar fleece dress with a thermal shirt under it in August...), so I just said thank you and moved along.

kristennd · February 2011

This sounds familiar. And I've basically just stopped replying to her messages.

My MIL is a nice person and means well, but she is so much more excited about the baby than I am. Or at least is more inclined to act excited. And she can't wrap her head around the idea that I am not bouncing off the walls 24/7 about it. It's exhausting to talk to her. All of these "Oh and what have you been thinking about..." things that would never occur to me to sit around and daydream about. Not least because I still work full-time and she is retired.

DH is an only child, she was a classic helicopter parent who had major empty nest issues, and this is the first grandchild. Oh and we moved 1,200 miles away. So this is all inevitable really. But again, exhausting.

It's worth a try to ask her to stop calling repeatedly. Explain that she needs to trust you two to call her back when you can and to just be patient. I wouldn't bring up the rest.

kacelle · February 2011

This sounds just like my MIL! I love her though, and I know she's just excited and trying to be helpful, so I put up with it.

lilone_06 · February 2011

My MIL, like yours, is also very well-meaning and sweet and generous, but annoying. I use the 'smile and nod' approach. I'd hate to say anything I might later regret to someone who is such a permanent fixture in my life.

kaydogger · February 2011

I don't have much sympathy here. My MIL rarely asks about the baby and she lives a mile down the road. I'd take overbearing any day over feeling like she doesn't care at all. I never understand these posts, your upset because baby is going to be loved too much? /endrant

karakel · February 2011

Honestly, everyone is going to give you advice and what they did/do/would do when the baby gets here. It's easier to just smile and nod and do what you are going to do anyway. I can't tell by your post, but if it's really all as superficial as what the baby is wearing, I wouldn't say anything.

SLCNewlywed · February 2011

I feel like I'm in the same boat! My MIL is constantly comparing everything in my pregnancy with hers. I don't know why but it drives me NUTSO!!! And it's hard, because she really is trying to be so super nice...but I'm a VERY laid back person and she is SO intense.

She's coming out for a week on Monday, and I think I might die. I told DH I hope the baby comes while she's here so I can have a relaxing break at the hospital. (he knows she is intense, and knows I can only handle short amounts of time with her)

Seriously though, I have tried for years to figure out a way to kindly and nicely tell her to back the eff off. But I'm not really sure how to do that. I feel like whatever I would say would hurt her feelings and she would cry to DH about how 'she just wants to bond with me' or something like that....

who knows. I think there are only a select few who are blessed to have amazing relationships with their MIL's.

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