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I regret inviting everyone...

JaysonandKristinJaysonandKristin member
in 2nd Trimester

Backstory: DS was born with a birth defect (see siggy) that was not prenatally diagnosed.  So, basically, he was born, DH made calls that he was here and healthy.  Then, the pedi came in and told us that while outwardly he is perfect there was a major issue internally.  Surgery and hospitalization and now we look forward to a  life-time of modified feeding and breathing.

So, I have a history of birth defects.  But, we're still just thrilled to have another.  We made an appointment for 3/19 to find out the sex, and we've invited my parents, my sister and the ILs to join us.  It's also DH's birthday, so we're having his BDay party afterward.

I'm having regrets about inviting them because this is the first time we will be seeing the baby since I was 8 weeks pg.  If something is clearly and obviously "different" about this baby, I want time to digest that with my DH alone first.  I just didn't think about this being a possibility at the time.  I guess I had adopted the ridiculous mentality that "lightening doesn't strike twice."

My OB also doesn't do the NT scan.  I'd have to get referred out to a diagnostic imaging place an hour away. 

WWYD?   Schedule a peek the week before?  Call the fam and be honest?  Make up some story about why we're just having a party and not the u/s?

Prudence
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Re: I regret inviting everyone...

  • kgunz11kgunz11 member

    Given your history, I think honestly is the best option here.  Call a few key people, explain the situation in as much or little detail as you are comfortable with and have those people pass the word to everyone else.

    Good luck and positive thoughts!

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  • Osco13Osco13

    If you feel sensitive about it I would simply tell everyone your OB has a policy about too many people in the Ultrasound room. So you'd share all the good news at the party!

    Situations like this are what White Lies were invented for.

     

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  • brenwickbrenwick member
    I would just tell them the truth, and explain to them why you would like to wait. Just be honest, I believe they will be understanding. Are you planning on doing a 3d/4d ultrasound later in the pregnancy? Maybe they could come along to that instead, once you've had this initial US.
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  • 11kacey11kacey member

    A lot of places won't let even your husband come back initially.. I doubt they would allow ALL of the people you invited in that room.

    Just tell your family that you can't have everyone there and you'll see them at the party afterward. 

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  • babypachecobabypacheco member
    Honestly, I would just tell them kind of how you feel. Tell everyone that you'd much rather have just you and your DH in the room while the u/s is going on and that you'd love to show the pictures afterwards. I'm sure that everyone would understand. I know that my u/s place only lets a number of people in the room at once. Good luck!
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  • Ivana_StolichnayaIvana_Stolichnaya member
    Call everyone and be honest, they should be understanding.
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  • Ivana_StolichnayaIvana_Stolichnaya member
    image11kacey:

    A lot of places won't let even your husband come back initially.. I doubt they would allow ALL of the people you invited in that room.

    Just tell your family that you can't have everyone there and you'll see them at the party afterward. 

     

    What...why would the child's father not be allowed?  I don't think that's entirely correct.

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  • 11kacey11kacey member
    imageIvana.Stolichnaya:
    image11kacey:

    A lot of places won't let even your husband come back initially.. I doubt they would allow ALL of the people you invited in that room.

    Just tell your family that you can't have everyone there and you'll see them at the party afterward. 

     

    What...why would the child's father not be allowed?  I don't think that's entirely correct.

    Many women on here said that their husbands had to wait for a bit to be able to come back to the room for their 12 week and their 20 week. That did not happen to me, but other women have had to deal with it. 

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  • Yellow_DaisyYellow_Daisy

    I was only allowed to bring one person with me to the NT scan.  There was not a lot of room in there for all those other people.  U/s at the doctor are not the same as elective u/s, the rooms are generally not set up to accommodate so many people.

    In your case I would just say that after talking to my doctor he suggested that only DH come to this u/s and that you will schedule an elective u/s for farther into the pregnancy where everyone else can come.  That seems like a nice happy medium so that no one's feelings are hurt.

    TTC since 8/2004
    Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
    DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
    DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
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  • Emilicious88Emilicious88 member
    Call the family and be honest. It's not a lot of people, and they're all immediate - I'm sure they'll be more than understanding.
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    My first child was born with TEF as well as other birth defects.  I am having my third now and we both wanted the 20 week ultrasound to be just us.  I would just talk to your familes and say that you have thought about it more and decided you want it to just me you and your husband. 
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  • KendraJoetteKendraJoette member

    I think you can just be honest, that you really want them to share in the joy, but as you get closer it really worries you that something might be wrong with the baby, and you need space to digest that if it is the case.  I would plan on keeping the party, and plan on bringing lots of US pics and the news with you. 

    That way you and your husband have the opportunity to have  an hour or two to react, and if its bad news and you cant handle the party that night your family will understand if you just call them after the US.

    I think they will understand.  Especially where it is family. 

     Good luck and stay positive. Every pregnancy is different.  T&P for a healthy happy baby!!

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  • JaysonandKristinJaysonandKristin member

    imagestw_77:
    My first child was born with TEF as well as other birth defects.  I am having my third now and we both wanted the 20 week ultrasound to be just us.  I would just talk to your familes and say that you have thought about it more and decided you want it to just me you and your husband. 

    Do you ever visit us here?

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  • UCONNHuskiesUCONNHuskies member
    imageYellow_Daisy:

    I was only allowed to bring one person with me to the NT scan.  There was not a lot of room in there for all those other people.  U/s at the doctor are not the same as elective u/s, the rooms are generally not set up to accommodate so many people.

    In your case I would just say that after talking to my doctor he suggested that only DH come to this u/s and that you will schedule an elective u/s for farther into the pregnancy where everyone else can come.  That seems like a nice happy medium so that no one's feelings are hurt.

     

    This.  Best of luck to you and your LO.

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