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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
ABColeslaw
member
Angel Baby Elisabeth Adelle April 2008
People Drive Me Crazy
ABColeslaw
member
Today my MIL came over to visit with Asher. She was very opinionated on a variety of subjects....which I won't get into...lets just say it has to do with my reproductive rights...but whatever.
Anyway, we got to talking about Asher's birthday party. And she reminded me that her family expects to be able to bring a dish. In her family its something they like to do...they bring thier best dish...its like a pride thing. Which is nice...I guess.
So I told her "no problem" BUT "how should I go about asking people not to bring items with peanuts or tree nuts in them?" Which I thought was a reasonable question. Asher has SO many allergies and I can't 100% control a party with 30 plus kids eating food...I'd like to cut out a major allergen that I KNOW would kill him.
You would think I smacked her in the face. I was told flat out that I can't make that request, that it was rude and that people would bring what they want. Which also poses another problem since Phill's family eats tons of pork and shell fish and my family eats mostly Kosher. But I didn't mention that...I'm going to let it go and hope my family doesn't get offended.
But I do think I should be able to request no peanuts or tree nuts come into the hall. I don't think putting the birthday boy or the other two children coming with severe peanut allergies at risk is a good idea. But what do I know? I'm just his mother.
Anyway, so I told her if people couldn't respect that wish, then I would just take care of the food myself. SO now we're at a standstill, because her family will not take kindly to not being able to bring a dish of some sort. Ugh
Asher Benjamin and Lola Aisling
Infertility
PCOS, Progesterone Deficiency Disorder, Multiple Miscarriage
Clomid, Metformin, Ovadril, PIO, P17 Iron/Platlet Tranfusion
My Spring Babies!
Angel Baby Elisabeth Adelle April 2008 Asher Benjamin April 2010
Lola Aisling May 2014
This discussion has been closed.
Re: People Drive Me Crazy
Um, I'm sorry...but your MIL sounds kind of like a biznatch.
If her grandchild has a severe allergy I would think she would have more concern about that than keeping her pride.
I'd just tell everyone that no peanuts or tree nuts are allowed because of allergies. It's common now-a-days to ask people to do that (at least it's common around here).
basically she was like, well we'll just have to monitor them. Yeah....well I'd like to make sure my son's first birthday doesn't end up in the ER.
This.
my gosh its his Grandmother I would think she would get it.
wow.
Asher's life trumps relatives' feelings and that's all there is to it.
Wow. Really??????
When I tell people that Lela can't have certain things and that I'll take care of food, they're generally really understanding. Does she really understand the repercusions if he was to get hold of an allergen? I guess I might try to really explain it to her. I would also say that being the parent of a child with severe allergies makes you hyper-vigilant about the environment around your child.
Hope this works out for you!
Totally this.
It's so common around here out church is peanut free. We can't bring peanut snacks in for the kids and there isn't anything with peanuts served in our church... btw it's a huge church with 18000 members. So if she thinks it's rude it's all on her.
It is your child, your party and that is the end of the story. I would ask them to not bring a dish. I highly doubt anyone would get offended.
Because it would be impossible to make sure that the kids would not touch it. Something as simple as using a spoon in a dish that has a food that he is allergic to and then using that spoon in another dish could easily send him to the hospital. You also can't be certain that well meaning family members won't listen and try to feed him food he is allergic to if it is right in front of them.
Asher has severe allergies and his well being trumps everything else. I see no need for her to have to work harder for no reason at all.
Asher's allergies are life threatening. I can't be sure that some other little kid's hands won't get washed well enough and that they won't touch Asher or something that Asher touches or put into his mouth. I can't be sure that someone won't think and use a utensil in a dish I think is safe. But mostly because I worry every single day that my child will get ill and have to be hospitalized because I can't 100% control his environment...I really don't want to have to worry about that on his birthday.
And why should those other mom's have to worry. I love my son and I don't want something that could kill him at his birthday party. I just don't.
Uh, sorry Grandma, but deal with it. Entire schools are peanut free here, yet a child's b-day party shouldn't be?
Sorry she isn't more empathetic ABC.
Because no one should have to worry about their kid ending up in the hospital on their first birthday. This is a severe allergy and if Asher so much as grabs something off a discarded plate he could have a severe reaction. It's not worth the risk at all.
Yes thank you!
If she really is that stubborn, could you maybe get a letter from his pediatrician stating that his allergies are life threatening and certain ingredients need to be avoided? Then perhaps you AND Phil could explain to her the reasoning behind your decision and you would have something to back you up.
If I were you I would scrap the whole "bring a dish" thing. You never know if someone is actually going to listen to your "no peanuts" request or if they are going to brush it off. I think your husband needs to stand up to his mom on this as well. As much as it will hurt her pride Asher's life comes first. If you both put up a united front maybe she'll back off.
Ugh, this is why sometimes people suck. I would tell her that thank you for the offer of everyone bringing a dish, but since you are dealing with so many allergies, you feel it's best you take care of the food.
DS doesn't have any allergies, but I just wanted DH and I to handle the food ourselves (perhaps bc I'm a control freak and want to know exactly what we're going to have, if it will be enough and if it will all go together). DH's family wasn't getting it when I kept telling them, thanks but no thanks on bringing something. I finally just said we were really looking forward to planning his party and just want everyone to come and enjoy themselves.