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February 2011 Moms
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DH is frustrating me.

TiffanyTheMomTiffanyTheMom member
in February 2011 Moms

I know PP emotions are big time playing into this.

But, DH seems to think I should be cleaning the whole house. I'm so exhausted that keeping up with the needs of my older two are quite enough for me. When I said something to DH tonight about the state of the house, he went off on me telling me that I sit on my lazy butt all day while he works hard at work.  (Well, I do because I need to- I'm recovering a LOT slower from delivery this time than I did the last two times. I'm trying to take it easy so I don't myself at both ends.)

I got so upset that I left him in the house with the 3 kids, while he was reheating leftovers for him and the kids,  and went for a 40 min drive. I came back and took the baby upstairs and cried for a small bit. He really just doesn't understand how tired I am, especially now that he's refused to get up at night to help me with night feedings anymore. I get up, feed her a bottle of EBM, then put her to sleep, and then have to pump for the next bottle, and then go to sleep IF the LO will let me. It takes an hour!

He just doesn't get it and he expects a shiny house when he comes home, and gets ticked at me for being 'lazy.' I just don't know what to do and it's getting me down. 

Sorry for the vent. 

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Re: DH is frustrating me.

  • Pennilyn NovusPennilyn Novus member

    I'm sorry, Tiffany.  I'm glad you got out of the house for a little while to cool off.  I don't have any advice to give you, but I think with three kids and a recent labor, you've earned the right to not have to clean during what little downtime you have. 

    Hope tomorrow is better for you.  

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  • MiniMadnessMiniMadness
    Wow. I'm sorry, that has to be extremely frustrating...I know I would have lost it on him! Taking care of 3 kids is a job on its own and he needs to realize that. Maybe instead of leaving for 40 minutes you should go for a couple of hours and see how much he can get done! But really, you should just tell him how overwhelming it can be sometimes and ask for his help. Good Luck. ;)
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  • Brady1*Brady1*

    Wow, I'm so sorry you have to deal with a DH like this! ((HUGS))

    Your baby is 2 weeks old and you have 2 other children, what does he expect?! I'm glad you got away for a little bit but honestly you need to have a serious talk with him. Him treating you this way is not good for your marriage and certainly not good for your healing process, emotional and physical. If you don't talk to him now about this, it's probably only going to get worse. How was he when you had your other 2 children? 

    I'm sorry you're going through this.  

    ETA: I don't think your PP emotions are to blame for you being upset with DH for treating you this way. His behavior is totally unacceptable, PP or not I would be extremely hurt my Husband was treating me this way. Don't let anyone tell you you're only upset about this because you're PP. ((HUGS)) 

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  • MrsB0701MrsB0701
    First off, I do not think your PP emotions are to blame at all. Second of all, you made those babies together therefore you are a team and DH needs to remember that. You just went through labor, he did not. You take care of LOs all day, he does not. I think the least he can do is to help around the house!
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  • TiffanyTheMomTiffanyTheMom member

    DH doesn't take much stock into how long it takes to recover from delivering a baby, that's why we've been on all-day trips 6 times in the past 2 weeks. And that's probably why i'm taking so long to recover.

    he was like this with my first child, and he deployed 3 days after my second was born and didn't come back until she was 4 months. he thinks because i'm home all day i have time to kill, but he doesn't realize my newborn will cry incessantly if i put her down before she's %100 asleep. she doesn't sleep for long so that doesn't give me a lot of time to do anything, if i get a half hour of rest i feel fortunate.  he says he doesn't expect me to be mrs. cleaver or anything, but then he says i need to keep the house clean... i know i can't push off all duties to him right now, but i can't be exerting what little energy i have on something he can handle.

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  • daniellepandadaniellepanda member
    wow you have every right to be pissed, he sounds like he us being an ass. I would say getting up nights for the feedings was making him edgy, but he is not even doing that so he has no excuse. Want my husband to drive over there and talk some sense into him??? hehe
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  • TiffanyTheMomTiffanyTheMom member

    imagedaniellepanda:
    wow you have every right to be pissed, he sounds like he us being an ass. I would say getting up nights for the feedings was making him edgy, but he is not even doing that so he has no excuse. Want my husband to drive over there and talk some sense into him??? hehe

    I wish! He's one of those guys who, once he has ideas in his head, is very hard to convince otherwise. 

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