looks as if I'll be joining you ladies

erink1981 · February 2011

Hello ladies,

Background: DH and I have been married for 6 years. We have a beautiful daughter who is 3. We found out we were pg last year, but sadly found out about a mmc at 9 weeks. I was devastated (to put it lightly). It took about 6 months for my cycles to return to normal and in January (when I was due with my last pg) I finally got pg again.

I just found out a week ago. I was SO excited and felt that my aching heart could finally begin to heal. I called the dr to see if I could get my levels drawn to ease some of my nervousness. I went last night and my level at 4 1/2 weeks was a 48 I spoke with my dr this morning and she said that is number is REALLY low for how far along I should be.I am going back tomorrow to have my levels checked again but I'm not holding out much hope. Again I feel as if I've been hit with a ton of bricks...I don't know if I can go thru this again.

I know its not a definite thing yet, but with a positive preg test a week ago my levels should be MUCH higher! I feel so alone, none of my friends or family have been thru this and to make it worse, my BFF is pregnant and about 7 weeks along. (not that I'm not happy for them) but its so hard to watch someone be happy when they have something you would do anything for.

Anyway, I just figured I could get some support from people who have been through it before. My ffriends and family are great and very supportive, but they have NO idea the pain I'm going thru.

JPS · February 2011

I'm in a fairly similar situation, where things don't look good and I don't have high hopes. I've been married for 7 years, and after being off bc for a year, I finally got pregnant for the first time (I was on various medicines to help my body ovulate). Needless to say, we were over the moon when we got the positive test 3 weeks ago. Yesterday was our first dr's appt at 8 weeks. The ultrasound showed what looked to be an empty sac. The dr said it could be that I am not as far along as we thought, but with the positive test 3 weeks ago, it's not likely. I go back for more bloodwork tmrw, to see if my levels are increasing, but I don't have high hopes.

Like you, I also have a good friend who is pregnant. I am happy for her, but it still hurts. She got pregnant her first month off bc, so she doesn't understand the emotional toll it takes on you when you are trying for so long.

My family and friends are being supportive, but I really don't want to talk to anyone about it. I just want to stay in bed and cry, but I know I can't. I have had some bad feelings all along, so I kind of feel as if I had already disassociated somewhat. My husband is taking it just as bad as I am, if not worse.

You will be strong and get through this, because you don't have another choice. Neither of us do. It is just so hard when you feel like someone is taking away the one thing you want more than anything else in the world.

Let me know if you need someone to email or talk to, who is going through the same thing. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow when we're both at the dr.

Take care, Jill

Babbling · February 2011

I'm so sorry Erin. While that sounds like my miscarriage, I'm praying for the best outcome anyway. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

erink1981 · February 2011

Thanks ladies for your kind words! I'm taking a day to sit on the couch and cry my eyes out. I can't belive I'm going thru this for the 2nd time...I have so many thoughts...what I did wrong, what's wrong with my body, what did i do to deserve this, why is it so easy for some poeple, ugh!! I realize it's not my fault....but it's still SO hard! I'm probably going to have to talk to a therapist this time around to keep my sanity.

I wish it was easier to not get so excited when seeing that beautiful wonderful little bfp...I've only known for a week, but in that time I've already got all these hopes, plans, and dreams for this baby and to have it all taken away in just an instant....it just makes my heart ache! I feel like I can't be the same happy person I was before this (most likely) m/c and my m/c from last year. It's almost as if a part of me is lost forever with the loss of these pregnancies. I know it will get easier with time, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about "what could've been"

erink1981 · February 2011

Jill- I'll be thinking and praying for you as well! Keep me posted

-Erin

Hotzie · February 2011

I'm sorry that you are going thru this.

Remember that you are not alone. This board has been super helpful for me after my miscarriage. You would be surprised how many women have miscarriages. I am sure that there are familly or friends who have gone thru this and never said anything. Since mine, I have found out that a few people I know have gone thru the same thing but never said anything. It really is sad that this happens all the time.

Take the time that you need to heal. It will never be 100% but you will feel better with time.

jessicakneller · February 2011

I wish you the best of luck. I am 23 weeks pregnant and just found out that our baby did not develope like she should have. She has been given a very poor prognosis and even IF i were able to carry her to term, the doctors do not believe she will be able to sustain life due to her severe complications. My boyfriend and I have been faced with some very difficult decisions. I also can't quit asking myself, "why me" or just being angry in general. I hope that everything works out for you...I will certainly keep you in my prayers!! I hate that this bored even has to exist, but I have found it very helpful in just the couple days I have been on here...it has really helped me to coop. And I have found that the ladies on here are very supportive!!

Mr&Mrs.B · February 2011

I am so sorry for what you are going through. We tried for over 3+ years, and to get that little BFP is the most amazing feeling in the world. I did the planning and the thoughts of "what could have been". I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you find some comfort on this board. ((((HUGS)))

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