REALLY upset with my kid.....(Potty Training moms PLZ HELP!)

sommerrayne · February 2011

She's almost 3, she's been potty trained for months and even pooped on the potty at various locations (grandma's, school, public, home) over a dozen times but she refuses to do it anymore. She _KNOWS_ exactly what she has to do, she even "tries" throughout the day (which includes about 2 seconds of sitting on the potty and then "Nope!" and off she goes).

So, what's the result? She sh!ts herself INTENTIONALLY as she lays in bed waiting to go to sleep. She tells me she does this on purpose.

We've tried everything - EVERYTHING. Bribery, threatening, coaxing, begging, telling, asking, stickers, prizes.....SHE DOES NOT CARE!

So now, she wakes us by yelling at various times of the night "I HAVE TO GO POTTY". She has a potty in her room, she doesn't have to go potty, she already sh!t herself (its old, its stuck to her, etc). This happens at nap too. So now she's not sleeping fully either.

We've already reverted back to diapers thinking this would woo her into going on the potty because she doesn't WANT diapers but she could care less. 2 seconds of protest the 1st day and then "Meh, ok".

I'm so angry I could spit nails. I'm 15 million months pregnant and sick of dealing with this. I don't know what to do.

PLEASE offer advice (but note all I've already done above). She can't (has never) held her pee through the night so just putting her in jammies and no pullup or diaper or whatever, while appealing, probably wouldn't work and just result in screaming and calling for us more.

DavezWife · February 2011

is she constipated?

I'd be inclined to just do "benign neglect" and ignore it as much as possible. Clean it up, etc. but not say anything. Just go about your day. Maybe the attention she's getting from it is doing something for her. (who knows what these kids think)

Not easy, I feel for ya.

sommerrayne · February 2011

DavezWife:

is she constipated?

I'd be inclined to just do "benign neglect" and ignore it as much as possible. Clean it up, etc. but not say anything. Just go about your day. Maybe the attention she's getting from it is doing something for her. (who knows what these kids think)

Not easy, I feel for ya.

Nope - this kid can hold it for SIX DAYS and it comes out soft as a twinkie! I don't know how but she does it.

I _KNOW_ she's stressed about the new baby coming (not from our doing but she's told me). Everyone seems to say to just put this all on the back burner until after baby comes. I just feel at the end of my rope with this intentional disobedience (and fear more is on the way).

Mrs.Reem · February 2011

I agree with Davez. To her you're beginning to sound like the teacher in the Peanuts cartoons. Waa wa waa waa waa.... She knows what she needs to do. Ignore and ingnore some more. It will fix itself. If you have to, feed her lots of blueberries. That always makes for quick poo, but don't push her or ask her if she has to go. Let her do it.

Also, having a 3 year old, I know how open to suggestion they are. If you ask if she's doing it on purpose, she'll probably say yes. However I really doubt she's doing it on purpose just to spite you. If she's stressed, give her a break.

DavezWife · February 2011

you know your kid better than me, and I'm inclined to say "She's not doing this to piss you off." Really. There's some other reason... lazy, preoccupied, simply doesn't care... confused about the diapers could be a HUGE factor in this... I just can't see her holding it long enough and picking the time it when it would make you the maddest. Maybe this can fall under "pick your battles" and just hope it goes away on it's own?? I dunno. But I know I have a friend who's daughter just turned 3, and that kid has NO interest in getting rid of her diapers. None. Sometimes they're just not ready, or regress back a bit. You have enough stress, I agree to backburner it.

GuitaristsGirl · February 2011

Oh, man. Obviously no advice, but this makes my head hurt just reading it! I can't imagine how frustrating it must be. Fingers crossed something changes for you soon!

oct11bride03 · February 2011

I've been following your posts about this and man, all I can say is I'm sorry!!

I don't have any advice other then what the moms of older kids have already said. Maybe she just isn't ready. I know I would be just as frustrated and angry as you are, but at the end of the day you can't really make her do anything she isn't willing to do. Obviously you've tried (and tried some more) but maybe, like Davez said, you need to just go back to diapers and ignore any attempts she makes at getting negative attention for her actions.

Again, I am SO sorry!

LucyPevensie · February 2011

Recently read this about toddlers - there are only two things they can truly control in a world where they have so little control over ANYTHING. Those two things are eating - and pooping/peeing. The rest of whatever I read said do not battle your toddler over either of these areas - you will lose every time.

I think she is stressed, and NOT on purpose, but subconsciously, is exercising her "control" over this one area - because it is one area that she can.

She doesn't want to upset you. She wants your love and approval. She's just not able to make this work right now because her little person self needs to not work it out.

I am sorry, I can imagine it IS very stressful. Agree with extra blueberries, extra patience, extra deep breaths, extra reminders that this too SHALL pass. My niece would not poop anywhere but in a diaper until she was four. She was terrified of the feeling of pooping on the potty. Finally - at four - she got to where she was fine with it. Your little girl will get there too. Hang in there mama.

(And tell your husband if he wants to wander around at night - once he gets up and leaves the room - do NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES come BACK in the bedroom. Tell him to be VERY quiet and sleep on the freakin' couch when he decides he's ready to sleep again.)

angela_lynn80 · February 2011

Mine is doing the SAME thing!!!! It's like beating your head against the wall, is it not?!?!?

Mine will also go #2 when he goes to nap or at night to bed (will be 3 years old next month). If he is downstairs, he will ask to go upstairs when he has to go (that happened 3 times - then he went #2 on the potty since he couldn't get to his bed)!! It is SO frustrating!! I feel your pain! It's like: how am I supposed to "tell" when he has to go and have him sit on the potty if he ALWAYS does it when I'm not around?!?!

I'm currently trying the "ignore it" thing and then just randomly talking about where he should go #1 and #2....but not in response to an accident. We'll see how it goes. I figure: it's the only thing I have not tried yet.

Hang in there and best of luck!!!

howleyshell · February 2011

Dylan was just like this - but from the get go, not as a regression.

He would swear he was fine: "all empty" was what we would say because we always went potty before bed and then he'd poop in bed. You could pretty much count on it.

I think the thing for him was that he didn't really get pooping on the potty. I mean, he could do it if it was about to fall out of his @ss but he didn't get the concept of pushing it out when HE wanted to instead of waiting until it was already half way out and then running to the toilet.

The reason he'd go in bed was because as soon as he got relaxed it would start to come out.

What we eventually did with him was sit with him on the potty and practice pushing right before bed. We'd read a story or do something else to help him relax a bit and then we'd all make the poop face and the "pooooooooop" sound.

I could always tell with him when he needed to poop. His belly would get REALLY distended. It's easier to see on him because he's so rail thin. I basically would work harder at getting him to push it out before bed time if I knew he really needed to go.

Eventually he got it but it was SO frustrating!

Sorry you're dealing with this. Now's not a good time and once the baby's here your patience will be even thinner.

Another idea is to take this issue 100% off your plate. Make middle of the night with the toddler 100% DH's responsibility and middle of the night with the baby 100% yours.

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REALLY upset with my kid.....(Potty Training moms PLZ HELP!)

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