2nd baby shower...would you go?

onislandtime · February 2011

Friend is having baby shower for baby #2, barely 3 years apart.

Not only did they send an evite for the invitation, but they also registered at 3 places.

I would have to get a few hours off of work to be able to go. Would you go? What would you do about a gift?

AnneShirleyBlythe · February 2011

I would send a small gift and my regrets.

RoxyLynn · February 2011

Nope. I would bring a small gift after the baby is born, as I always do, but I definitely wouldn't go to a shower in this case. Just claim a "schedule conflict" and decline; while it's rude of her to have a shower, it would be equally rude to call her out on it at this point.

watermellens · February 2011

RoxyLynn:
Nope. I would bring a small gift after the baby is born, as I always do, but I definitely wouldn't go to a shower in this case. Just claim a "schedule conflict" and decline; while it's rude of her to have a shower, it would be equally rude to call her out on it at this point.

kristennd · February 2011

If I hadn't attended the first shower I would consider it, depending on whether they'd registered for things within my price range. But not if I had to take time off of work. I don't think I could do that for even a first-time shower but I have an unusually inflexible schedule.

onislandtime · February 2011

kristennd:
If I hadn't attended the first shower I would consider it, depending on whether they'd registered for things within my price range. But not if I had to take time off of work. I don't think I could do that for even a first-time shower but I have an unusually inflexible schedule.

I did not go to the first shower because it was in September. Where I work no one is allowed to take time off in September because of workload. But I did get her some very nice gifts for baby #1.

missstacylynn25 · February 2011

Hmm, I actually would go and bring a smaller gift than I got for #1...but that is only if she is a good friend. If just an acquaintance, I'd send regrets, a card, and maybe a small gift.

erincon8 · February 2011

I would not take off work for it. I would just bring over a small after the baby is born.

kristennd · February 2011

onislandtime:
kristennd:
If I hadn't attended the first shower I would consider it, depending on whether they'd registered for things within my price range. But not if I had to take time off of work. I don't think I could do that for even a first-time shower but I have an unusually inflexible schedule.

I did not go to the first shower because it was in September. Where I work no one is allowed to take time off in September because of workload. But I did get her some very nice gifts for baby #1.

I would say sending very nice gifts counts the same as going to the shower for these purposes. I wouldn't spend a lot of money twice regardless.

OctoberCAPA · February 2011

Is she throwing the shower herself? I'd definitely decline if that's the case. Otherwise, if I didn't have to take off from work I'd probably go and bring a small gift. Bad etiquette or not, a friend is a friend. If there is a work conflict, I'd decline and bring a small gift when visiting the baby after it's born.

onislandtime · February 2011

OctoberCAPA:
Is she throwing the shower herself? I'd definitely decline if that's the case. Otherwise, if I didn't have to take off from work I'd probably go and bring a small gift. Bad etiquette or not, a friend is a friend. If there is a work conflict, I'd decline and bring a small gift when visiting the baby after it's born.

her sister, SIL and beft friend are throwing it. I'm still undecided. I can't really go and not bring a gift because I know I'd feel weird about it. I still have a few days to decide.

1stTimeMommy34 · February 2011

I would go and I would bring a small-characteristically different-gift for baby #2. No matter how many years apart and no matter what etiquette says is correct people have their own values on how they want to celebrate what is a special moment to them. While she may be a little over the top in her expectations with three registries, just help her feel good about being a mommy to two children instead of one. I definately would not go without a gift.

stephanie_shoe · February 2011

I've never understood why people get so trumped up by more than one shower...it's like saying the second children aren't as special. Is her unborn child a different sex than the first?

I personally would go if my schedule allowed it, with an appropriate gift. Would you not celebrate someone's birthday just because you've already been to one of their birthday parties? I look at it as if it's the same thing.

onislandtime · February 2011

stephanie_shoe:

I've never understood why people get so trumped up by more than one shower...it's like saying the second children aren't as special. Is her unborn child a different sex than the first?

I personally would go if my schedule allowed it, with an appropriate gift. Would you not celebrate someone's birthday just because you've already been to one of their birthday parties? I look at it as if it's the same thing.

No, I just think it is tacky to send an evite for a shower first off, secondly I don't think you should expect big gifts like carseats, strollers, cribs etc if it is your 2nd child that is barely 3 years apart. And yes, they are the same sex.

bobmonkey · February 2011

stephanie_shoe:

I've never understood why people get so trumped up by more than one shower...it's like saying the second children aren't as special. Is her unborn child a different sex than the first?

I personally would go if my schedule allowed it, with an appropriate gift. Would you not celebrate someone's birthday just because you've already been to one of their birthday parties? I look at it as if it's the same thing.

Except it's not.

PiRSquared330 · February 2011

stephanie_shoe:

I've never understood why people get so trumped up by more than one shower...it's like saying the second children aren't as special. Is her unborn child a different sex than the first?

I personally would go if my schedule allowed it, with an appropriate gift. Would you not celebrate someone's birthday just because you've already been to one of their birthday parties? I look at it as if it's the same thing.

lol sorry. Its not about the kid. Its about the parents. If it was about the kid, it would be after the child was born (like a bday party). But its not.

That argument KILLS me. I hate the "every child should be celebrated." Um ok. You can do that without begging for gifts.

But yes, in most cases I end up going.

rhubarb123 · February 2011

I never respond to e-vites (no matter who sends it). I just think they are tacky, rude, whatever. Now...if I got one and then a phone call then I would probably go, but definitely not if I'd have to take off work. In your situation I would just let the hostess know you will not be able to make the shower (because of work schedule) and you will get her gift to her soon. I would get her a gift for the baby even if she didn't have a shower because she is a friend.

WTH would she need that she could register at 3 places?

To the poster who thinks baby showers and birthday parties are the same - they are not. Showers are for either first time mom's or first time brides - it is setting them up (so to speak) and they require a gift to be brought if you attend. A birthday party is for the person who is having a birthday and gifts are not required - but nice

Mrs.Florea-2-B · February 2011

I would do what your heart tells you to do...its obvious that you are annoyed that she is having another shower...that she has registered at three different locations...you would have to get off work... I mean, dont go... I always say when you do things do them out of love, cause you want to be there for someone, regardless of what they are doing...Just saying, GLuck!

BaileyHawkins · February 2011

I guess I could see why this might leave a curious taste in your mouth. Given that the multiple registries seem a bit gluttonous.

Although the reactions make me very nervous. I am having my second child and I know my cousin/best friend is having a shower for me. However, my first was born 5 years ago and was later diagnosed with autism and his father and I separated as a result and I made the decision not to have anymore children given that my son needs a lot of attention, as such I gave all my baby stuff to charity two years back. Life tends to throw people curve balls... and my fiance and I were surprised with the news that we're pregnant. My ex kept the house and still hasn't paid my part of the equity, and I work a minimum wage part-time job because it is all I can do with my son's constant therapy requirements. In short, I have no savings and no baby stuff. Maybe that makes me seem irresponsible.

I just really hope that my friends and family won't be offended by being invited to a second baby shower. As I pretty much have to start all over again.

Do you think it might be situational? Now I am worried people will think I am rude or tacky.

BelMack · February 2011

If you can't get off work, then you just can't. I would like to present a different scenario for some of the other issues:

1. A couple of my g/f's are hosting a shower for us even though this is our 4th for a few reasons (we borrowed big things, we no longer have our original car seat that we used for the older 3, we're in a new geographic location with new friends, etc.) We've kept what we could from our previous LO's and bought 2nd-hand when we could. I'm a thrift store junkie. Wink

2. We're registered at 2 different stores due to item availability and price ranges (Walmart and Target). We mostly registered for things that would be necessary or extremely useful (plus some clothes, but we like for each kid to have a few things that are "theirs" when they're older looking back).

To the PP concerning starting from scratch, you're right: life throws curve balls, and while I wouldn't host my own shower, I would mention to a VERY close and VERY trusted friend or family member that a shower would be EXTREMELY appreciated. If this is your fiance's first baby, his family might have something in the works.

vanessa11411 · March 2011

I go to second baby showers all the time.

I have a few good friends and if any of them were having baby showers...2nd, 3rd or 4th baby showers.....I'd be there. I'd also take the time off from work. If it's someone I hardly know, I would probably decline.

middleton011010 · March 2011

onislandtime:
stephanie_shoe:

I've never understood why people get so trumped up by more than one shower...it's like saying the second children aren't as special. Is her unborn child a different sex than the first?

I personally would go if my schedule allowed it, with an appropriate gift. Would you not celebrate someone's birthday just because you've already been to one of their birthday parties? I look at it as if it's the same thing.

No, I just think it is tacky to send an evite for a shower first off, secondly I don't think you should expect big gifts like carseats, strollers, cribs etc if it is your 2nd child that is barely 3 years apart. And yes, they are the same sex.

my mom sent out evites to my baby shower... i don't think that there is anything wrong with it. my situation is unique as my dates coming home changed last minute by about a month so there wasn't enough time for snail mail and RSVPs.

as to the baby shower for a second child... if they are different sexes, i don't think it's wrong. but i think the parents shouldn't register for big ticket items a second time (high chair, crib, breast pump, etc.) a stroller that seats two is understandable IMO as are clothes for a different sex. if they are the same sex, i think a fun party is okay but the parents shouldn't really register anywhere. just let people bring a gift if they felt a desire to do so. asking for gifts when it's the second child of the same sex is greedy.

i would get some sort of small keepsake. a picture frame with baby #2's name or memory box. i love baby showers so i would go and enjoy the company, food, and games.

Laayla96 · March 2011

Mrs.Florea-2-B:
I would do what your heart tells you to do...its obvious that you are annoyed that she is having another shower...that she has registered at three different locations...you would have to get off work... I mean, dont go... I always say when you do things do them out of love, cause you want to be there for someone, regardless of what they are doing...Just saying, GLuck!

TOTALLY AGREE with you on this one.

It is so frustrating to read all the comments about people being "greedy" for gifts or how rude it is to be invited to a second shower.

It is just an invitation. You're not obliged to attend or to purchase a gift.....especially if it is not in your heart to do so. Do things out of love and appreciation. Keep those warm feelings with you throughout your pregnancy ladies.

consciousbuyer · June 2011

I would go. I see no problem with a second shower when the child is a different gender, or very far apart from the first. Like one person said, life throws you curve-balls sometimes. Big-ticket items can, and should be re-used, if possible. But when the child is a girl and the mom has nothing but boy clothes, I have no problem with going to a shower and bringing some girl clothes or a new stuffed animal. If the first child is much older than the second, then the parents may not have saved everything, and some things may not be up to current standards. Car seat standards change every year! In that case, I can see registering for big-ticket items or other essentials. And a registry is not a demand for gifts (unless you tell people without them asking). A registry is a list of things with a range of amounts that can be spent, and ideas of what the couple really might want. I love the idea of registries... then I know what a person would really like in the price range that I am willing to spend. But I don't see the point in registering for clothes; people will get you what they will get you in that category anyway. And since that is the only thing I think it is appropriate to get a second child, I think it is definitely tacky to register for a second child, particularly in 3 places. But like one person said, a friend is a friend. So either be a friend, or don't. But don't withhold your affection as a way of expressing your disapproval.

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