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Attachment Parenting
MrsBeckO
member
AP Working Mamas... help me out, please? (longish)
MrsBeckO
member
I have been a SAHM so far, but due to financial crap I have to return to FT work 3/1. I will be working at the school/center DD will be attending, and we started introducing her to the whole concept last week (she attended 2 partial days by herself while I was in training and Fri afternoon we visited her class together for a couple hrs).
She did much better than I expected. No tears at drop-off the first day and according to the teachers she only struggled at naptime. I expected naptime to be the hardest for her (by far!) because we still bedshare (in her room) most nights and always lay with her til she falls asleep. Second day, big tears at drop-off but she calmed down quickly and didn't really nap at all. 
I am having a lot of mommy guilt about having to thrust her into this totally new world where everything is different for her. Instead of a totally DD-led day, she will have a set routine to follow, she will have to learn to fall asleep virtually on her own on a cot, and won't get nearly as much one-on-one TLC as she's used to. 
I really like 3/4 of her teachers (they have a large class that splits into small groups throughout most of the day), and I don't really get warm fuzzies from the 4th but the kids seem to like her. I know she will be well cared for and stimulated in ways I can't teach her at home. She will love being with kids her age. She will adjust eventually... but it seems like so much, so fast.
Any ideas on how I can help her get used to this new routine? Should I scale back some of our AP at home to mirror her classroom care a little closer? I can't imagine altering my parenting in that way, but would it be confusing for her to go back and forth all the time? Should we try to nix the bedsharing? Ugh, this all sucks.
How can I do this without feeling like I'm letting her down??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: AP Working Mamas... help me out, please? (longish)
Keep doing what you're doing at home. She will adjust to the daycare routine and have separate routines each place.
My DS will only go to sleep when we rock him at home. At daycare, she lays him in his crib and he falls asleep on his own.
I agree with PP. Things are going to be radically different between daycare and home, and the consistency at home can be her anchor. Changing your parenting style would only confuse her further, IMHO.
Good luck! You're doing what is best for your family, and it's so great that you'll be able to work in her daycare. It sounds like the best possible option.
Bedsharing is one of the things that makes working all day tolerable! We cosleep/bedshare at night, and on my days off he mostly naps in my arms or in a wrap, but he will nap in a pack & play at our daycare provider's house.
In the AP book, Dr. Sears says that BWing and bedsharing are ideal for working parents, because it gives you that extra close time when you are together.
Thank you for this reminder. I remember reading this way back when, but I guess in the midst of my emotional roller coaster, I forgot about that! I am so relieved that continuing with our AP home life won't derail dd's daycare transition!
The O'Baby Blog
I could have written most of this post. I just got a job at a learning center and DS will also be going there. DH is in law school and teaching positions are tight in the district. DS had a horrible time at nap time on Friday. I was filling out paperwork and didn't realize we would be there late enough for nap. She didn't pay his back and he calls his paci a "Tow" (like wow) so she wouldn't have known what he was asking for. We still lay together for nap at home, so I'm sure it was a huge surprise for him. I decided not to really change anything at home. That is our time together and I'm not willing to give it up since we won't have as much of it as before.
Good luck sweetie. I start on the 21st and completely understand your guilt. I try to convince myself this has to be the way it is, but that's hard. Especially when you really don't feel like it is. But my MIL reassures me that these transitions are much harder on me than on DS. Feel free to PM me if you want. I know this is hard and sometimes it's hard for DHs to fully understand.
I agree with everything everyone else said. Here's another way of thinking about it: babies who are exposed to multiple languages (like have one parent who speaks Spanish and one who speaks English) are able to easily differentiate and speak the correct language to the correct person almost all the time. That's amazing to me, but I've witnessed it myself (actually with 3 different languages) and it's true. So if they can do that they can surely see how different adults parent differently and be ok with it.
Dr. Sears also says that it's important to help your child learn a variety of sleep associations. So perhaps you could incorporate some other associations (a lovey, certain music, etc) into your sleeping at home without giving up the bedsharing. Then they can use some of those other associations at day care.
For what it's worth, my son goes to sleep by himself in a pack 'n play at the DCP's house (in a loving way) but to this day has never gone to sleep alone at home. I'm sure he feels loved in both places but he knows how to go to sleep differently with different people.
I went back to fulltime work three week ago.
The first few days were easy, then LO got a cold and she learnt that us going to daycare meant I'd be leaving her all day, and drop off has become a bit troublesome.
Apparently she calms down very quickly after I leave.
Napping was difficult for her at first, but it only took her a few days to adjust to the new environment.
I found at home I became more AP with her. She's become a bit more clingy with me when we're together, so I give and give and give to her in terms of bedharing, BW, nursing because it's important to me that she feels she still has me. I think the clinginess is her reassuring herself.
We only bedshare if she wakes in the night. That first week or so she would wake frequently and so she was bedhsaring with us more, and she was night nurisng more.
I put it down to having a cold and again needing that reassurance.
It is really hard to leave your LO, but she will thrive where she is.
Good luck.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
She will be fine. Yes, there may be some rough days, but don't we all have those at home too?
The rules and routines are different at home than they are at school. And the rules at school are different than they are at church or at grandma's house or at a friend's house. This is going to be true for her entire life. And most of us do well with it and don't think twice about it.
If you see a good idea at school, feel free to incorporate it in your home. If you think that trying to follow school's nap schedule might help and works for home days, then try it out. We've picked up some organizing tips and tricks from school along the way, but we don't try to make home like school. Home is home.