**Christine.Louie & Missbollinger**

Re: **Christine.Louie & Missbollinger**

• Missbollinger

  February 2011

  Not offended at all.  The only person that ever took an interest in how I was raised was DH and that was AFTER we decided to have kids.  I think the different parenting styles that exist out there have their purpose and the idea is to LEARN from your parents' mistakes so you don't make the same and employ what you feel works too.

  I think despite my mother and father's 'strict' discipline and all the rules I had to follow I may have missed out on some freedoms but I am a stronger person for it.  I learnt if I wanted something I can always find a way.  I call myself a 'make a way' kind of gal.  If it weren't for that quality I may have never met my DH and consequently had our children.

  I am strict in that I have set rules that expect to be followed but these are 'house' rules and exist to protect my children.  Like no internet access on the cell phone for DS1, no video games during school nights and only one pop a day if he has drank water and milk (he will inhale pop otherwise).  As for the little bits I am very much a follow him around type of parent but I also don't baby proof to the max.  I prefer to teach him about the dangers rather than let him run riot around a padded cell.

  I think part of my upbringing was based on traditional beliefs that girls are technically 'sold' when they marry There is a large dowry and the whole marriage has a deeper meaning that I am now part of my DH's family now. My parents although traditionalists were also fighting to retain their own identity and wanted the same for us which I think makes the 1st generation immigrant parents more traditional than say parents in Hong Kong and China (they have their identity and quite secure in it they are too).

  I think my own parenting style is a mix of parenting styles more so Authoritative and a little Indulgent.  I practice a pseudo form of attachment parenting but I don't follow a doctrine or set of rules so to speak.  I accepted a long time a go who I became was the result of how I was raised but where I go from there is entirely up to me.  I have a very supportive and loving DH and THAT is what helps a lot.

   

  DH - 42 Me - 36 DS1 -15 DS2 - 3 DD - 1

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• Christine.Louie

  February 2011

  No problem.  Like I said, I think as you talk to Asian people (and even some non-Asians as Chua points out in her article) that the Tiger Mom concept is definitely a reality.  It doesn't matter if you were born and raised in China or are 1st or beyond generation American born.  Asians (and I think many other cultures, too) have very very strong values and traditions that extend far beyond the geographical boundaries of where they reside.  You teach what you know and reapply what works, throwing out what doesn't.  No one can say whether the methods of upbringing right or wrong but certainly many were raised in this (or similar) way.

  With regard to your question on my personal parenting style, I think I will also adopt a hybrid method when the time comes.  Like I said, there are some aspects (for example - the lack of any real praise or physical affection) that I would add.  Others like instilling a sense of self-drive and doing everything with the utmost intention of love, I will maintain.  The method of doing that I still have to figure out...

  I can tell that my parents (who btw moved here very young; 8 for mom and 12 for dad - they met here in Cincy) struggled with keeping true to the Tiger Mom style in America, specifically Cincinnati.  When 99% your peers are Caucasian in school it's hard to be the one that seems to be raised differently...by strict parents.  It makes you want to kick and scream until you get your way.  My parents stayed pretty firm with me but honestly, I think by the time they got to my brother (which btw as was previously mentioned boys are favored in the culture therefore he got off easier, anyway) and definitely with my sister they just seemed too tired to care as much.

  Anyway, I think people just need to have an awareness of different styles and where there's something that is different make sure you understand the intent versus impact.  Many people reacted to story of the Donkey Song as "omg she's a monster" but as Chua explains, her intent was only good.  She only wanted her daughter to be successful and (extreme) repetition was her means to get there.  I don't think any parent would argue with wanting their child to be successful therefore the intent is the same but the method and potential interpreted impact can be different.
  

  My Cooking Blog: Christine's Kitchen Chronicles
  
  Latest Blog Update: Peanut Butter Cookie with Salted Peanut Caramel

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