Hospital question for moms of 2 or more

KCH0906 · February 2011

When I had DD I only stayed in the hospital one night after having DD and DH stayed with me. With DS I know I'll be in at least 2 or 3 nights (c-section) so I'm wondering if DH should stay with me or stay at home with DD to keep things as normal as possible. My parents will be staying with us to help take care of DD and our dogs so I don't know what to say to DH. I know the extra bed isn't comfortable but I'm not sure how much extra help I'll need at night after having the c-section.

Just looking for any advice... again.. I appreciate it!

Artslvr · February 2011

When I gave birth to my second and third kids DH stayed at the hospital with me overnight both nights. My parents watched my other kids. My DH did go home at dinner time to feed/bathe them, just so they didn't think both their parents had gone missing.

I didn't think that DH being home with them overnight was going to make THAT much difference in keeping their regular routine... but my parents are local and pretty much know the kids' routines so they were able to stick pretty close to it.

But I mean really, a baby is such an upset to the "norm" - your other kid is going to be thrown out of whack either way, why not let your parents help out. I really liked having DH there with me the whole time in the hospital.

AgrippaRidesAgain · February 2011

Ditto Arts. DH stayed overnight but went home for a few hours to do the dinner/bedtime thing with DS. The rest of the time, DS hung out with my ILs, who are his favorite people in the world (other than us I hope).

special382 · February 2011

I'll be the dissenter. When I had Ian, it was after 3AM before we got into my room, so DH just stayed over because it was convenient (didn't want to go home and make a racket). The rest of the time he slept at home and stayed with me most of the day. When I had Rhys, DH slept at home every night and visited me during the day (though less than when I had Ian). I thought it was the best. The kids had their dad at home and things were more normal for them and I had time-just me and baby (which I haven't really had much of since) and I could nap whenever I wanted. Also, DH got much better sleep at home and that made him more pleasant to be around.

Sofka · February 2011

you will be bed-ridden for about 24hrs after the c-s and the baby will need to be picked up, changed, held, etc. We roomed-in and DH told me he wanted to stay the night (what does your DH want?) DH took care of all diaper changes while I was in bed and DS slept in my arms the whole time and nursed a lot. That's one of my fave memories from the hospital with #2.

you may also need help getting out of bed (once you are allowed to), to go pee or whatever and you know it takes the nurses a long time to come. have your DH there and bond just the 3 of you while you can.

also, be prepapred - it was hard on me to see how hard it was on DD to see me in the hospital, she was only almost 20mo old and didn't really understand much. It was also so hard to see her leave w/ my parents when she clearly just wanted to be w/ us. I knew she was very well taken care of (she stayed w/ my parents while MIL stayed at our house w/ the dogs), but still...I asked to go home after 2 nights after both my births.

rnin02 · February 2011

If your husband is the helpful type, have him spend at least the first night with you. Depending on the time of your c-section, come night time you might still be on "bedrest" and having him there to give you the baby for feeding, change diapers, etc will be nice.

HikerBride07 · February 2011

I'm hoping for a VBAC and if I'm successful DH will not be staying. If I have another c/s he will stay over the first night.

It is very difficult to move at first w/a c/s even on meds and especially if you keep the baby with you, you will need help with diaper changes and possibly getting situated when you nurse.

SoonToBeMrsDTS · February 2011

My mom came and stayed with DD while I was in the hospital but DH was home a lot during the day. In the evening he had dinner with her and then put her to bed both nights. He also brought me dinner in the hospital that my mom had made so I wouldn't have to eat the hospital food:) He stayed overnight with me but then headed home in the morning to be with DD. I had a lot of visitors during the day so I think he felt better leaving DS and me "alone" when he knew I'd have other friends and family members dropping in periodically.

luvmagoldn · February 2011

We did a little of both. The first night I was in the hospital with #3 DH stayed home overnight with the twins. I had a friend come stay with me at the hospital that night. The second night my SIL stayed with the boys while DH stayed with me. I think I was by myself the third night.

Do whatever you think is best but I wouldn't count on having nurses there to help you that first night. I wanted someone in the room with me to help change LO and give him to me to nurse when he needed to.

vtkgirl77 · February 2011

I didn't read all of the responses by my recommendation would be to play it by ear. I could not get up for the first 24 hours so I needed someone to be there with me to help with the baby and to do simple things like refill my water, hand me my phone, etc. There are nurses but you really need someone there to help you for at least the first 24 hours.

After that, I think you can play it by ear and decide what's going to work best for you based on how you are feeling. It also may partially depend on whether you are going to put the baby in the nursery at night. I know for me, I would not have felt comfortable with DH leaving me the first or second night. Even getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom was a struggle. Without being graphic, he had to help me pull down my underwear, change my pads, etc. Just remember that it's still major surgery. Another option you could consider is seeing if you have a friend willing to stay with you one night.

My plan with #2 is to have DH stay with me every night. DD#1 sees her grandparents each week so I'm not too concerned about her feeling abandoned. DH may make some trips home during the day but I feel like I want him there at night.

2vthokies · February 2011

We had originally decided that DH would stay home with DD #1 even though my family is local and his parents were going to come up as soon as DD #2 was born. I went in to labor at midnight, so my mom and sister came over (DD #1 was asleep). In the morning they took her to school. DD #2 was born at 11 am and DH's parents got there soon after (they only live 3.5 hours away). DH's parents stayed at our house and the plan was for DH to go home with them to pick up DD #1 from school and then stay the night. Even though I VBACd and could move around easily on my own I kind of felt lonely (weird, I know) so DH stayed with me and my inlaws brough DD #1 to the hospital. DD #1 LOVES my MIL so it was easy for her to leave - she thought it was some kind of treat. I ended up staying in the hospital for two nights just because DH and I felt like he had a little holiday - just one baby. My inlaws kept DD #1's normal routine the second night and day and the third day we came home. BTW, DD #1 was 25 months at the time. If worked out really well and gave us a bit of time before we were a family of four. My MIL said DD #1 was only a little upset in the mornings when we weren't there, but otherwise she was fine. She also LOVED DD #2 from the get go - there has never been any jealousy issues, etc. so that may have contributed to a smooth transition.

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