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Mom/MIL having a full nursery?
Is anyone elses mom/MIL doing a full nursery at their home?
My MIL is an insane psycho who is obsessed with her first grandchild. She is doing a full-on Winnie the Pooh themed nursery. She is having FIL move the upstairs office to the basement for this. I kind of thought it was a little over the top when FIL told me she purchased a monitor.
Just wondering if anyone elses family is doing the same.
I 'get it' for parent's who will be babysitting, etc.. but for us, we live 5 minutes from them, baby won't be sleeping over, we will be going home. And even if he was going to sleep over.. a PNP would be fine.
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Re: Mom/MIL having a full nursery?
It would bug me if my mom or MIL did this, especially if we only lived 5 minutes away. I'm all for having some things stay at their homes to make things easier for us (especially since we live 45-90 minutes away from them), but not a full nursery.
This is your baby, not your MILs.
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I really, truly don't understand what the problem is with a grandmother having a nursery for your kid(s). Your LO will always have a room of their own when they go to gma and gpa's house. All the toys, extra diapers/wipes, play mats, etc. will always be in the same spot every time you visit.
If they're not asking you to chip in, why does it matter? I don't see it as psycho at all. I see it as caring. I don't know your dynamic with your MIL, but why not cut her some slack and appreciate that she's doing something sweet for your LO?
FWIW, my DS can tell the difference when he's put to sleep in the PNP vs his crib. NO DICE!! If it's not a crib, he's not sleeping in it - as a NB he would sleep anywhere, but nowadays he's very picky.
My MIL is doing this (although less so with decorative touches), but she lives 3 hours away, so it's nice the baby will have a place to sleep when we stay over for the weekends. She's extremely excited for her first grandchild.
Although she's using this as an excuse to finally kick her youngest (fully employed) child out of the house ( "you need to find an apartment by May, because I'm using your room for the nursery").
This.
My mom turned a spare room into a nursery for Katie. It's nice for when we come to visit, she has a safe place to take a nap and a changing table is handy to use. She also has spare blankets, a high chair, glider and a bunch of toys. All were purchased through Craigslist.
My MIL only has a small bucket of toys (most have small parts and aren't age appropriate) and my FIL has nothing for her. I can tell you my parent's house is a lot better to bring her to than my IL's.
Let them provide what they want for LO, you aren't paying for anything so what's the big deal? It's better than having family members who do little to nothing for your child.
My mom has a bassinet and a pnp at her house (but we had 3 grandchildren born in a year.) My MIL did buy a baby bed for their house, but just put it in the guest room. She will also have multiple grandchildren over the years, so it was worth the small investment. Both keep a bunch of toys at their house, but neither decorated the rooms in a nursery theme.
I think having the gear there is great, but the decorations are a little over the top to me.
It's weird that she's actually decorating and dedicating a room, but honestly, I'd just let her. She's having fun and it's one of the more harmless things she can do.
My MIL has a crib and a changing table in the corner of a guestroom. She also has random baby supplies in the bathroom and a cupboard of kid kitchen stuff/extra bottles etc.
It really is nice and helpful without being extreme.
I'm sure my Mom will amass things as we go too.
I think the point here is that you're setting them up to be disappointed when it's not used. Besides the obvious... as my husband said "if you want to waste your money it's your prerogative but, I'd much rather you put that toward her college fund if you want to spend it on the baby"
Wow and I thought my mom was going baby crazy! I may have to lay off her a little bit! She is getting things for the baby so we dont have to pack big stuff when we travel, but she's asked about everything first to make sure we are ok with it. Maybe that would be a more appropriate route for MIL to take, but I can completely understand why this is overwhelming and excessive to you. Our baby is the first grandchild on both sides so everyone is going a little crazy too : )
As a random side note it could be worse. When my parents went to tell my grandparents they "had news" (about having me) my grandmother responded with "oh good your finally getting divorced!" Can you imagine???? 28 years later she's still that unpleasant, and NOT being told about her first great grandchild. I am not listening to that!
This.
I don't think it is phycho at all. My MIL did this when my niece was born last year even though my SIL and us live in the same town. She did it because my DH is the oldest of 7 so there are going to be tons of grandchildren over the years and they had a spare room in their ginormous house so it made sense to do it. It's nice so that when we go over and LO needs to nap we can jsut put him/her in the room or if we go out and the IL"s are going to babysit then there will be a room for LO until we get back.
Oh Yeah! I know how you feel. Mm MIL was the same when I had my first child. My husband was an only child, so I think that might have something to do with it.
She kept saying all the time about how great it would be if I were to want to leave my child with her overnight in case MH and I wanted to go away or out for the night, but I was still BF and she was only @ a month or 2 old! Augh! It was my child not hers! I had to give my DD a bath after every time she visited because she smelled of my MIL perfume! It has been 14 years since my last child, (this is a suprise pregnancy for us) and she has started talking about making a nursery at her house again!
Augh! Could you tell it still bothers me 21 years later? She is 65 and not in good health I dont think she could handle a baby even if I was to leave him there...which I dont plan to. We did live with her and my FIL for a month while we were remodeling our house and it was like having a live-in nanny. She wanted to feed her, took her for walks, played games with her, etc.
Don't get me wrong she has been my MIL for 24 years and I do get along with her, she would gladly do anything for any of her grandchildren, MH or me, but sometimes I do wonder what she was thinking?
My MIL didn't go quite that far but she has a habit of overstepping her boundaries. She already told me that she is stocking up on formula and diapers when I explicitly told her that I am planning to cloth diaper and use breast milk as long as possible. Plus, who knows if the formula she's buying will even agree with baby's tummy? We only live about 20 miles from them, and I'm thankful that we have daycare about 2 blocks from our house. Currently she picks up my husband's nieces from daycare and takes them to her house a couple times a week, rather than letting their mom pick them up. Sorry lady, but when I've been at work all day and I only get a couple hours of awake time with my baby every night, I am NOT giving it up!!
That is totally something my MIL would do and I'd probably lose it. It's kind of strange.
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I think the full nursery is a little odd personally and I have friends whose parents have cribs/highchairs and supplies for when grandkids visit.
My mom has a pnp, umbrella stroller, high chair (our old one), toddler bed and other random stuff but not a full room. But my son is the 5th grandchild, we all live out of town and mom watched my niece and nephew every other weekend for 2 years.
MIL didn't have a pnp till I gave her my sister's old one to use for nephew, a high chair till I bought her one for her bday (she wanted a specific one) and doesn't have baby toys, only older boy toys. She finally went to the dollar store and bought sippy cups to have on hand (not sure what happened to the extra bottles/sippys I bought after SIL had to go buy a bottle when she forgot to bring one).
SILs mom bought a nice but inexpensive crib to keep in one of the guest rooms for when niece stays over or is there for nap. She figured she'd have more grandkids eventually and they should be comfortable. She also has a stash of age appropriate toys/bibs/feeding utensils.
I don't think this is psycho at all. If having your in laws overstep their bounds by buying gear for your baby to use is your biggest problem, count yourselves lucky. It's their money, and they can waste/use it as they please.
My in laws have a full nursery, and I even bought most of the gear. They used to babysit for us, so our situation is a little different. LO is in daycare now, and we still get a ton of use out of a nursery. It's nice for him to have his own space when we're over there. It's also nice when we're over there all day (think holidays) to have a comfortable place for him to nap, a monitor so that we can hear him, stroller so that we don't have to bring it from home, dishes and straw cups, etc. We leave diapers and extra clothes there so that we don't have to schlep ANYTHING when we go to grandma and grandpa's. DS probably spends the night at his grandparents 2-3 times a month, so it's an easy transition since he's used to his own room. We'll buy him a toddler bed and potty for the grandparents house soon, and the nursery furniture will continue to be utilized by the new baby, and probably other grandkids in the future.
Even if they live 5 minutes away, there will come a time when you want them to babysit a full day or overnight for you. It's worth the few hundred dollars to me.
This sounds like something my MIL would do and it would really bother me. I guess it depends on the situation with your MIL to determine if this is over the top or not. My MIL is crazy about my child already (1st grandchild). She tries to tell me everything about raising a baby, she wanted the baby to call her Mama, etc. She asked me if the baby would be able to stay the night with her for several nights in a row (she lives 10 minutes away). So I understand your concern because if MIL did this, I wouldn't be surprised, but very annoyed because to me it is her way of thinking that the baby will be over at her house enough to put an entire room to use. I think a pnp and a few little things are good but that's it.
I've never understood this "problem" Hell, if my MIL lived 5 minutes away and had a nursery i can think of a dozen nights I'd be trekking down the street at 4am in my housecoat to drop Lila off.
"Thanks, MIL, I'll be back at 8am!"
LOL Boy, do I feel your pain!
We're about to move to another state, so we are waiting until things are settled to start our nursery. My MIL is inviting herself to pay (as if we would ever take her money) for my LO's nursery, in order to have a say in how it is done. I don't even know how to respond to that - and I am a pretty outspoken person. There are so many strings attached that I fear a strangling might happen. Don't know to whom, but it might... Wanna swap?
For the ladies who just don't see it: please, try and understand! There are MILs and then there are MILs... It may not seem like much from the outside, but she actually knows the woman she's talking about. I'm guessing that, for her to be this bugged about something like that, the problem is not the nursery, but what it represents... something along the lines of "oh, I'm gonna show you how to do this properly!" maybe even spiced with some passive-aggressiveness, for an all too familiar twist.
I may be a bit territorial, but then... it is my territory, isn't it? And yet, she wants to have a say in everything - she's been even trying to get me to "do something" about my cats. I suppose she means throwing them out on the street. And then there's the jealousy and competition with my mom. If my mom comes to visit, she comes to visit. If my mom gets me a present, she gets me a present. And she doesn't even bother to hide it, either... she's like: "oh, so her parents went to visit you guys? Then I'll come too." And her tone is "take that!".
Man! She is the only thing disturbing my pregnancy zen! She's not really a horrible human being, YK, she tries. This does not summarize her as a person, but... AAAARRRRGH!
Sorry I ended up venting... All the best to you and your family!
Set your boundaries NOW! Don't wait until LO is here. Have your husband explain to them your expectations, the amount of help you are anticipating, babysitting, etc. My MIL tried to buy things for her house. I said she will be watching LO here. This is your baby not hers. If she hasn't yet, she will call LO "my baby", snatch baby from your arms, need to be "alone" with your baby. My MIL was crazy with DD (her first DD). It took two talks from DH and one from me before she got it."
Tell her you appreciate her help and will need some of it. You are the mother and you only have a few short months because it goes so fast and you want as much time with LO as possible. Say it now! Good luck!
I think it's nice she is setting up a room for the baby, my mom is totally disinterested so be happy she is contributing
I think that's a little coo-coo. It seems like she is re-living having a baby herself.
I guess it doesn't hurt anything.... except your poor FIL, that is getting shipped down to the basement.
I'm not sure what you can do, since it's her house, but maybe remind her that your baby will not be sleeping over that frequently. It seems like she might be expecting more than what you have planned.
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My Mom has a full nursery. It doesn't bother me because DS sleeps over there whenever they babysit him overnight (they live a 2 minute drive away). It actually is nice that I don't have to bring anything for him when I take him there.
They have a set up bunk beds with a trundle in the room, along with a crib. I think it's fine because there will certainly be more than just my kids using it, since I have a sibling who is planning on a family.
Uhhh.... it's HER house. Why should you get to decide how she decorates one of her rooms?
If LO ends up not using it at all, then MIL would have just wasted a bunch of money. Unless you are financing her lifestyle, then I would butt out of her business. Seriously. Unless you enjoy finding things about your MIL that annoy you (which from your post, it kinda sounds like you do).
It's like you making a hobby room....how upset would you be if she was complaining to her friends that you were making a hobby room in YOUR OWN house?
I would love it if I had an over-involved in-law/family member close by. Like the PP said, I would be carting the kid over to their house once or twice a month for some date night and sleep in time with DH. It sounds like your LO will be well taken care of by loving (if not kooky) relatives. I'm sure your LO will be returned to you in one piece and breathing...and honestly, that's all that matters.
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It is psycho...and some folks might not get this, but i'm sure this isn't the only time that your MIL has overstepped her bounds...it's creepy because it demonstrates that her feelings are that your LO is "her" baby....that's what i'm getting out of it. No worries, she'll figure it out soon when you don't leave LO with them.
Mine has JUST a PNP, and knicknacks all over the house (no childproofing at all--and brags to everyone about how awesome her house is for kids) and then comes to my house and tells my 13 month LO that she's going to kidnap her for the day...she honestly thinks LO is like a mini-adult, and is effortless....
Ah, denial.
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I think it's weird and it would bug the crap out of me, but my MIL is obnoxious and I really don't care for her. If I had a good relationship with her I would probably not mind at all.
If it makes you feel any better my MIL has been planning when I will have a baby for 10 yrs. She started talking/planning the baby shower before DH and I were even married, every time we would come over she would immediately ask me if I was PG, she mailed me folic acid on a schedule because she knew when the bottle would run out, etc. I could go on and on. DH and I finally told her if she didn't stop harassing me that we would not be visiting anymore. That was the only thing that got her to leave me alone.
I think people's relationships with their own MILs probably influences whether this scenario would bug them or not.
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damabo80,
I don't get it. A hobby room would revolve around her own hobby, and not someone else's baby. Again, it's not about the room, it's what it represents. Interference. There's a difference between being involved and interested and being pushy.
Every bargain has two sides. If one allows one's parents or in-laws or relatives to be "over-involved", then one cannot complain later on if they feel entitled to have a say in the children's education (school, religion, morals, values, relationships). After all, as long as the kids are "in one piece and breathing"...
And I am sorry, I can honeslty see your point but I don't believe people enjoy finding stuff that annoy them in their family. I think we'd always just rather get along, especially for the sake of everyone else involved. We even tend to be more tolerant and understanding than we'd normally be and, for most ladies, doing that while being pregnant is no small feat.
My mom is buying a standard crib and monitor, plus some other small things for when the baby comes. Plus, it's my parent's first grandchild and they are preparing for future grandchildren as well!
Now, even though I think it's a LITTLE over the top to decorate an entire nursery, I think it's quite nice that she'd think of doing this for your child. My MIL has not even brought up a thing about preparing for her grandchild. It's actually really disappointing knowing my husband's mother is not preparing at all. Even though it may seem over the top at times, I'd definitely try to be more appreciative of the effort and love your MIL is putting into her grandchild!
I cannot stand my MIL and we rarely, if ever, agree on things.
That being said, I think it's very nice of your MIL to create a room for the baby. Is it completely over the top (bc u live so close and for various other reasons)? Of course!
However, it will probably make YOUR life easier and at the end of the day, you will be thankful.
My mom lives 10 minutes from me, but got a gently used crib, pnp, high chair, and stroller (from a coworker) for when I spend the night (and frequently do) when DH is out of town.
MIL lives 4 hours away and is planning on getting a crib and supplies as well for overnight visits.
And how willing we are to tell our MIL to stuff it.
If mine wants to sit alone in a private nursery blissing out on being grandma, she can knock herself out. It will make no difference in how often she sees LO or how much time/energy I spend on her interests. And we have a good relationship.
I agree with the previous posts saying that it really depends on the kind of MIL you have. With DD mine actually seriously suggested moving in with her, turning one of the rooms into a nursery so that I could go back to work and she could raise the baby.
Everytime I heard the phrase "my baby" I cringed because she really thought I was having the baby for the purpose of pleasing her. When we broke the news she thanked me. She also wanted to do a Pooh Bear nursery in her house after she finally realised we weren't moving in, complete with a wall mural. She started buying for it and when DH broke it to her that DD would not be going to her house at all due to their out of control dogs, smoking, and mary jane use she snapped. She also has a carseat that was installed and inspected that has yet to be used.