- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
VBAC
Intro from a lurker (long)
Hey, ladies! I've been lurking for a while, and I've also posted a couple times. I thought I should probably do a proper intro.
DS was born by c-section November 26, 2011. We found out at 36 weeks that he was frank breech. We had a failed version attempt, and tried all the crazy and not-so-crazy methods we could to get him to turn, but he was stubborn. C-section was scheduled for 39 weeks.
DH and I are going to start TTC when DS is a year old, and I am desperate for a VBAC. I started grilling my OB about my chances of VBAC even before DS was born! He is now 2 months old, and I find myself still very disappointed about my birth experience.
I had dreamed about experiencing childbirth for years before we started TTC, the way some girls fantasize about planning their ideal wedding. I was planning on a med-free, natural birth. I'm still disappointed that with my section, I didn't experience any of the things I was looking forward to; ruptured membranes, contractions, feeling my baby come into the world. I was terrified during the surgery and in the weeks leading up to it. My recovery was rough, and I felt like a terrible mother for the first 3 weeks. It was hard to do anything for myself or for my baby without help. I felt that my body had failed me, and now I was failing my child.
I feel robbed of my birth experience. I am very happy that I have DS. He means the world to me. But if I could change my birthing experience, I would. It makes me crazy when people say "you have your baby, why does it matter how he got here?". I'm hoping for a VBAC in the future, but there is a possiblity that won't happen. We TTC for 2.5 years before becoming pregnant with DS, and my OB seems to think it was just a fluke (DH and I both have reproductive issues). It hurts me to think that I may never get the chance to experience a vaginal birth. On the other hand, I feel very lucky to be a mother. I never thought I could love someone so much!
Sorry for making you read my sob story. Thought you ladies might be a bit more sympathetic than my friends IRL.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Intro from a lurker (long)
Aww, hun, ((big hugs)). Congrats on your little one!
I think a lot of us can relate to your feelings. The emotions are all so new for you since you just had your baby. Give yourself time to heal and when you actually have a baby who sttn (and you might get some sleep too), you'll have more time to process it all and heal.
It has taken me a long time to get to where I am today. I also fear never experiencing labor. DS was breech but I ended up with HELLP and so I had an immediate c/s with no labor. So in that respect it was similar to you. I was also hoping for an unmedicated birth. Oh, and I also did everything to get DS to turn before the HELLP developed. We didn't have fertility issues but I worry a lot about being told I have to have a repeat c/s without even getting a chance to labor. It's hard to explain to someone how you've birthed a child but never experienced childbirth. I had to explain that to a guy friend of mine recently. He's single and kind of clueless. He made an offhand comment about how he's never seen someone give birth. And I had to laugh and say, well neither have I. And he just looked at me and I could see the wheels spinning. My c/s was under general anesthesia so I really didn't witness anything.
Anyway, sorry to ramble. I just wanted to say that I can relate. Give yourself time to heal and be kind to yourself. You don't have to worry about all of this now. So take it one day at a time.
I had planned a natural birth using HypnoBabies, and I knew that not only would it be a vaginal birth (obviously!) but it would be a beautiful experience with totally manageable "pressure waves". I was in excruciating pain for three days, and by the time my DD was born via c/s, I was too exhausted to be excited. I felt totally helpless as my daughter cried and I could barely move. There were no complications, and my recovery wasn't bad at all (especially considering all the labor I had beforehand) but to say I was disappointed in how it went is a pretty big understatement.
I didn't even know if I wanted to VBAC until most of the way through my second pregnancy. It was different for me as labor was the worst part of my experience, yet I still "get it" because I did care about how she got here. I did care that it didn't happen the way I expected it to. Other people can talk all they want about what we "should" think or feel, but the truth is that we feel the way we feel, and our feelings matter! There's no right or wrong way to feel, and your feelings about your child don't need to have anything to do with your feelings about the EVENT that brought him into the world. That's something I definitely understand!
I agree with PP, it's still very recent and over time it will get better. It might be a long time, it might be a short time, but it does get better, and we're here for you.
I had very strong feelings of sadness and disappointment for several months after my son's birth. I am feeling a lot better about it now, but he is a year old. My c/s was fine and recovery went well, it just broke my heart. I "knew" c.s was a possibility (of course) but I also "knew" it wouldn't happen to me.The feelings do fade with time.
Good luck and welcome to the board!
Thanks ladies!