Community› The Bump Message Boards› Military Families
Military Families
New Discussion
Options

New to military life.

rjbear21rjbear21 member
in Military Families

Hi,  I used to be on the baby and toddler boards all the time but haven't frequented them in probably over a year. 

My husband has enlisted in the army and I just got a text from him that they just got to Fort Jackson for BCT.  So we are talking new NEW stages of military life here. We have a 2 1/2 year old.  I'm really nervous how all this time apart from Daddy is going to affect her.  This is our first full day without him.  I am a stay-at-home mom.  Feeling pretty emotional and overwhelmed today but we will be ok.  Just looking for some postitive support to get through all this and wondering how other's have done it with a toddler.  TIA!

Report Reply to Post

Re: New to military life.

  • Options
    NSLNSL member

    My son was almost three when my husband deployed, and it was hard for him to understand that Daddy was going to be gone for a long time at first.  We were used to 1-2 week separations, but nothing longer.  Skype helped, talking on the phone helped, getting him to draw pictures to send to Daddy helped, but it was still a rough transition for him.  I'd say it took 2-3 months for him to stop asking when Daddy was coming home.  We've had some behavior problems, but nothing severe.

    My best advice to you is to plan fun things for the two of you to do that maybe you wouldn't do if your husband was home.  We started some new routines (he climbs into my bed every morning before we get ready for work/preschool and we read a book, baking muffins every Saturday morning, etc...) that also really helped him with the transition.  My H also gave him a teddy bear dressed in ACUs that he hugs every time he misses Daddy, and we put a framed photo of him and H right next to his bed so he can give Daddy a kiss every night.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    cpb79cpb79
    I don't have a LO yet, 9 more weeks to go, but have been through a few deployments. I agree with what the PP said. Keep busy and start some new routines and activities to keep you busy, especially with being a SAHM. Keeping busy will help YOU keep your mind off him being gone and you will be better able to handle and your LO through it. GL!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    ztalady18ztalady18

    Welcome to military life!  One of my favorite quotes is " If variety is the spice of life, then it's great to me a military wife!" 

    Being apart from your DH is the hardest part to deal with, and it gets a little bit easier with each deployment, but it is always hard.  My DH is deployed right now and is due home in a little over a month!!!! While I don't have any children yet, (when he gets home we are going to start TTC) I know that for me, the busier you are, the better.  Take on a new project, get involved with a community group/church, or discover places you have never been before!  I also suggest a countdown... I have done deployments without a countdown, with a partial countdown (like the last month), and a full countdown.  I have found that for me, having a full countdown (while it may be tentative, bc with the military you never really know :P) makes the time go by much quicker.  I hope this helps a little.  The nights are lonely, but there is no reason your days have to be!

    Good luck!

    Graphics Daisypath Anniversary tickers BabyFruit Ticker BabyName Ticker
    <a href="http://s1134.photobucket.com/albums/m612/ztalady18/Beau/?action=view
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JessC28JessC28
    imageNSL:

    My son was almost three when my husband deployed, and it was hard for him to understand that Daddy was going to be gone for a long time at first.  We were used to 1-2 week separations, but nothing longer.  Skype helped, talking on the phone helped, getting him to draw pictures to send to Daddy helped, but it was still a rough transition for him.  I'd say it took 2-3 months for him to stop asking when Daddy was coming home.  We've had some behavior problems, but nothing severe.

    My best advice to you is to plan fun things for the two of you to do that maybe you wouldn't do if your husband was home.  We started some new routines (he climbs into my bed every morning before we get ready for work/preschool and we read a book, baking muffins every Saturday morning, etc...) that also really helped him with the transition.  My H also gave him a teddy bear dressed in ACUs that he hugs every time he misses Daddy, and we put a framed photo of him and H right next to his bed so he can give Daddy a kiss every night.

    This is good advice. I used to work with children of deployed parents (I know, not the same as being the mom) and did spouse workshops, and I would often have the "behavior problem" kids whose parents needed a little break. If your child starts any new negative behaviors, be firm but also try to help him express what's going on and what he feels. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NSLNSL member
    One other thing that has been really helpful is that we've talked at length about how it's okay for him to be sad and mad that Daddy is gone.  It is not, however, okay to be naughty.  We've worked a lot on things he can do to "get the naughties out" including stomping his feet, hitting a pillow or the floor, and running laps around the house.  Implementing those behaviors has been an ongoing process, but he's come a really long way in just the last six months.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    seastar77seastar77
    Two other suggestions: get a Daddy doll for your toddler - this has been a huge help for my 22 month old (there are a few places to order from - I used DaddyDolls.com), and order the Sesame Street deployment dvd kit (it's free) for young children - it's available on MilitaryOneSource.com (incidentally, this is a great website for mil families - TONS of info, free resources, online courses to learn about military life, etc... something worth checking out when you're bored after LO goes to bed)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JessC28JessC28

    imageseastar77:
    Two other suggestions: get a Daddy doll for your toddler - this has been a huge help for my 22 month old (there are a few places to order from - I used DaddyDolls.com), and order the Sesame Street deployment dvd kit (it's free) for young children - it's available on MilitaryOneSource.com (incidentally, this is a great website for mil families - TONS of info, free resources, online courses to learn about military life, etc... something worth checking out when you're bored after LO goes to bed)

    I forgot about that. The SS deployment stuff is awesome! I got to take "my" kids to the live USO tour of it, and it helped start some really good talks. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    rjbear21rjbear21 member

    Thank you all so very much!!  This really helps.  We are starting a "countdown til we see Daddy again" and she has a recordable book that he did for her before he left.  I will definitely look into that Sesame Street kit! Thank you all again.  I look forward to checking in with this board more often for moral support (and to maybe offer it to?) along the way. :-) 

    *sorry it took so long to reply...I'm rusty at checking these boards lol*

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"