Co-worker miscarriage - how would you respond?

RunningGal900 · February 2011

DH's boss just sent out an email to their team that his wife miscarried (she was about 12 weeks) and he was leaving the office for the day to be with her. DH feels like he should respond, but isn't exactly sure what to say. DH has only been with the company for a month, so he does not have a close relationship with his boss or anything.

Any thoughts/advice?

Gina418 · February 2011

Wow, that's a really personal message to send out. I wouldn't do anything right now. I'm sure he's going to be slammed with replies of sympathy. Maybe the next time your dh sees his boss he can say something like "so sorry for your loss" - but I wouldn't do more than that unless the boss initiates something, ykwim?

campbaby76 · February 2011

I think the best thing is to say "I am so sorry that this happened. Please let us know if you need anything. You are in our thoughts"

Short and sweet, acknowledge but don't dwell on it.

MIZZOU527 · February 2011

As someone who went through a m/c...honestly, the best thing for me was to talk about it. My co-workers gave me a card and a gift card for DH, DD, and I to go out for dinner as a "fun" night. The thought was WONDERFUL! Yes, it made me cry A LOT, but it helped having lots of friends and family members ask how I was doing and sometimes even just come over to listen and drink some wine. If he is sending out an email, he's ok with people knowing. I honestly think not saying anything would be a "slap." If my friends and co-workers knew and never adressed it...I would just feel crummy. Thoughts and prayers to him and his family!

RunningGal900 · February 2011

He wants to respond - the tough part is how short of a period of time he's worked him. If this happened at his old job, where he'd worked for 5 years, I think he'd have a better grasp on what to say. I'm not sure he's even had lunch with this guy.

I will suggest short and simple. If those who know him better suggest a card or something, I'm sure DH will participate, but given the nature of the relationship I'm not sure how appropriate it would be for him to say much more.

ohiostategal · February 2011

If they aren't that close I wouldn't send an email or go try to talk to him right now or anything. I would wait until he sees him again and just say "I am sorry about what happened. Please let me know if there is anything I can do." I would leave it at that and if boss wants to talk about it more he will.

SecondTimeinMSU · February 2011

My coworker lost a baby while I was pregnant and I felt so bad since we'd talked a lot about our pregnancies together. My thought was that there wasn't anything I could say that would "make it better" so I just expressed to her in person that I was thinking of her and to let me know if there was anything I could do for her (meaning take over some work if she needed some time off). Then she opened up and told me that her husband was blaming the miscarriage on her for working too hard and eating chocolate and so I told her how ridiculous that was and that there was absolutely nothing she did that caused it and she couldn't have done anything differently to prevent it. I guess I would go similiar to keep it short and sweet and see from there.

Scout05 · February 2011

campbaby76:

I think the best thing is to say "I am so sorry that this happened. Please let us know if you need anything. You are in our thoughts"

Short and sweet, acknowledge but don't dwell on it.

I agree. In my (sadly considerable) experience with this, if the person offered the information, there is a part of them that needs the well wishes and understanding. For me, the condolences were - in an odd way - a form of making sure my baby was recognized, that their loss was ack. by others. The boss may need that, even if it does seem odd to be sending it out in an office email like this.

I'm sorry this happened to them. It's a horrible thing.

heylee · February 2011

He can send his condolences and apologize for their loss.

stephanie_shoe · February 2011

A short and sweet email I think is appropriate in this situation. "I'm so sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers/ thoughts...etc."

luvdv8 · February 2011

Scout05:
campbaby76:

I think the best thing is to say "I am so sorry that this happened. Please let us know if you need anything. You are in our thoughts"

Short and sweet, acknowledge but don't dwell on it.

I agree. In my (sadly considerable) experience with this, if the person offered the information, there is a part of them that needs the well wishes and understanding. For me, the condolences were - in an odd way - a form of making sure my baby was recognized, that their loss was ack. by others. The boss may need that, even if it does seem odd to be sending it out in an office email like this.

I'm sorry this happened to them. It's a horrible thing.

I second this- he didn't need to offer the information but did. A quick email is appropriate.

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Co-worker miscarriage - how would you respond?

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