TTC After a Loss

SIL is the biggest idiot on the face of the earth (long vent)

I had a phone convo with my SIL on Saturday night that really upset me and put me into a funk for the rest of the night.  She?s so self-centered, a major drama queen, pathological liar and DH doesn?t even really have a relationship with her because of these reasons.  She calls me every few weeks and on Saturday night was in prime form (likely drunk and popping pills. While her kids were in bed).  She starts talking about what I?m going through (1 m/c, 1 d&C and recent news that I have a balanced translocation) and says her friend has a balanced translocation too (lie) and what I need to do is go on bed rest and keep my feet up and that pregnancy will stay.  Wow, well really I wish it was that easy because believe me I?d quit my job and do that if it meant I?d have a healthy baby!  Then she proceeded to tell me how I can?t keep putting my body through the trauma of any more d&C?s.  At that point I hung up on her, waited a few seconds and sent her a text that said ?phone dead. Charging now, can?t talk.?  She tried to call me back 2 more times that night and I didn?t answer.  I can usually brush off things she says because she?s such an idiot but for some reason it just really rubbed me the wrong way.  I felt like it belittled what I?m going through and what I?m actually facing and that really hurt.  DH was furious and wanted to tell her off but I really don?t want any drama because that will end up being more stressful for me.  So my new plan is to stop answering her calls.  It?s not like me to not return phone calls but with her I?m going to have to do that unless I?m prepared to deal with her self-centered crap, which I have no desire to do.

 

Okay end of vent and putting this behind me now?.

 

Thank you for ?listening?

October 2009 - TTC #1
2 Angel Babies
Balanced Translocation (7,9)
August 2010 - Met with RE. HSG - all clear. 2 weeks later - BFP #1
9.25.10 - Natural m/c at 6.5W
November 2010 - Clomid + IUI - BFP #2
12.17.10 - d&c at 8W
Feb 2011 - Clomid + IUI. 2.14.11- BFP #3! Hoping third times the charm!

Re: SIL is the biggest idiot on the face of the earth (long vent)

  • Wow, she's a real winner huh? Sorry you have to deal with her. I think if it was me I would be screening my calls.
    After two losses, a rainbow arrived! DD born 11.5.11
    Dx with severe Asherman's syndrome after a botched PP D&C (pursuing med mal)
    Hysteroscopy Oct '13, not enough progress 
    Hysteroscopy Jan '14, given an end-of-the-road diagnosis
    Joined International Asherman's Association April '14 
    Not ready to give up yet.
    Hysteroscopy with Dr. Isaacson (an expert in the USA) 6.2.14: Good prognosis, at least 50% of cavity open.
    Repeat hysteroscopy scheduled with Dr. I on 6.16.14. Great progress. Unbenched!!!!
    Discussing actively TTC with DH after the heartache of the last year. We're both reeling.
     
    Please, please, please. 
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  • What a jerk.  Good for you for hanging up on her!!  I'm sorry you had to listen to that garbage.
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  • I am so sorry she said that. It's amazing how people can be so insinsitive.
  • I am so sorry hun.  That's just so insensitive and since when did she become an expert on your medical care?!?!  I don't blame you for avoiding her right now.  I've found that part of taking care of myself after my losses has been avoiding people like this.  (((bigs hugs)))


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BabyFruit Ticker

    BFP #1 6.17.10 - natural M/C 5w2d
    BFP #2 8.4.10 - missed M/C, D&C 8w
    BFP #3 1.18.11 - natural M/C 5w1d
    BFP #4 5.6.11 - 13dpo: hcg 68, p 16.3; 16dpo: hcg 211,
    p16.6; 18dpo: hcg 416, p 15.6; 25dpo: hcg 6,007
    DS born 1/30/12
    BFP #5 4.28.13 - LO due 1/4/14

  • Trust me, I open ALL SIL posts that contain the words idiot, moron, biotch, etc! I feel your pain, if you know what I mean.

    I think you are entitled to avoid any and all calls if that's how you feel right now. You need to put yourself first, physically and emotionally, even if it means not speaking to someone who is going to subject you to that kind of hurt.

    I am angry at her for you. Don't listen to a thing she says... after all, this a woman who is drinking and popping pills?!!! With kids in the house??!!!!!! omg, is all I can say.

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  • imageMrsAtch:
    Wow, she's a real winner huh? Sorry you have to deal with her. I think if it was me I would be screening my calls.

    This.  Sorry your SIL blows.

    imagephoto BeachAudrey6-23-2013_zps95b514cd.jpgphoto TRCALBadge_zpse0b3d2cb.jpg
    BFP #1 9-22-10 Missed M/c 10-18-10 D&E 10-28-10

    BFP #2 5-9-11 EDD 1-12-12 Audrey Rachel born 1-12-12

    BFP #3 9-21-13 EDD 5-30-14
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image

     

  • Seriously?! You just need to put your feet up and lay in bed and you'll stay pregnant! Someone alert the AMA and tell the docs that they got it all wrong. I don't know if your SIL was intending to be comforting or what - but she clearly has no idea what she's talking about. I am very sorry she's an idiot and that she upset you. ((BIG HUGS))

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Siggy Warning~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    image
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  • She sounds like a peach.  I'm so sorry hun.  Ignore sounds like a great plan.  I'm currently ignoring my FH cousin who sent me a very self centered and insensitive email and it has been helping.  ::hugs::
  • Grrr - she deserves a cooter punch. ((HUGS))

    image

    * PG #1 2/26/09: mm/c 4/14/09 at 10w4d | PG #2 8/5/09: mm/c 9/29/09 at 11w3d (boy) * 
    * CP's 4/14/10, 9/1/10, 4/19/11, 5/24/11, 10/14/13, 11/16/13 *
    * Ectopic 1/17/14 - nothing on u/s at 6w4d * 
    * PG #7 BFP 12/21/11 - DD born 8/31/12 * 
    * DH Dx'd with balanced translocation in 2011 *


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  • Definitely screen her calls. She has no right to say any of that to you. No one but your Dr has the right to tell you about your body and what it can and can't take. F her! No one has walked in our shoes. Everyone's situation is different, what we need is people to listen when we need them too b/c we sure do alot of listening to others and it would be great to have the kindness returned. And we need to be supported, what we want we have to really really work for and none of us will ever take it for granted or be glib enough to belittle another woman.

    Ugh! I want to shake your SIL!

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers
  • What a jerk!  I hope you don't have to endure another call like that.
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  • Oh wow! I am so sorry this crazy is your sil! I think you handled her very well and you owe it to yourself to ignore her calls! You don't deserve that!

    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


  • Wow, she's somethin else.  Sorry you had to deal with that.
  • imageMrsAtch:
    Wow, she's a real winner huh? Sorry you have to deal with her. I think if it was me I would be screening my calls.

     

    Completely agree with this! 

     So sorry you have to deal with her.

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  • Oh wow! I am so sorry this crazy is your sil! I think you handled her very well and you owe it to yourself to ignore her calls! You don't deserve that!

    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


  • You ladies ROCK.  Seriously - this is exactly what I needed to turn this funk around.  THANK YOU!
    October 2009 - TTC #1
    2 Angel Babies
    Balanced Translocation (7,9)
    August 2010 - Met with RE. HSG - all clear. 2 weeks later - BFP #1
    9.25.10 - Natural m/c at 6.5W
    November 2010 - Clomid + IUI - BFP #2
    12.17.10 - d&c at 8W
    Feb 2011 - Clomid + IUI. 2.14.11- BFP #3! Hoping third times the charm!
  • What an idiot.

    I find I'm doing a lot of screening these days.... you need to just keep her out of your life until you can handle her, IMO.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    BFP#1 - 8/27/10 - D&C 10/27/10 @ 13 weeks to Trisomy 18
    Missing our Angel Baby Gabriel
    BFP#2 - 3/18/11 - CP 3/19/11 BFP#3 - 4/27/11 - Due 1/9/12
  • imageMrsAtch:
    Wow, she's a real winner huh? Sorry you have to deal with her. I think if it was me I would be screening my calls.

    This.  And I thought mine were bad, but geeze could she get and Fing clue???

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  • imagecsquared426:
    Grrr - she deserves a cooter punch. ((HUGS))

    I am sorry this made me chuckle

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  • I'm so sorry you have to deal with her.  I would definitely be screening my calls.  You need to take care of yourself and YH right now.  Leave her to her own drama.

    ((Big HUGS))

    TTC #1 since 8/09
    BFP#1 - 9/2/10, EDD 5/14/11, Twins Hannah and Liam lost 11/7/10 @ 13w1d.
    BFP #2 - 2/9/11, EDD 10/13/11, LO lost 2/13/11 @ 5w4d
    BFP #3 - 5/9/11, DS born 1/13/12

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    ~*~My BFP Chart~*~Our Story~*~
    ~*~Labor Buddies with Sweet Turnip - Welcome Baby Girl 2/23/12 & Aluenna - Welcome Ivy 1/6/12~*~
  • imagecsquared426:
    Grrr - she deserves a cooter punch. ((HUGS))

    This! If you want I'll be the first volunteer for it! I think you're making the right choice by avoiding her calls. Her thinking is illogical and is complete nonsense! Worry about you and forget about her ((hugs)).

    Let me know if she needs that vag punch after all Wink.

    Natural MCs 2/4/09, 8/22/09 & 4/7/10
    Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
    BFP #4 5/14/12
    5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
    5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
  • Sending big hugs, so sorry you have to deal with her.

    Jenn

    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

    my blog

  • She's a complete and utter twatwaffle.  May I vagpunch her?
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