My LO is 26 months old but has a speech delay. He's been going to speech therapy for a little over 5 months and he now has about 14 words he says and he's really doing well and making progress. He has something called Apraxia which is a motor-planning problem and so learning how to talk is very difficult for him even though his receptive speech and comprehension are at and above age level. Basically he understands everything but can barely say anything.
One of my best friends from college has a daughter who is 7 months younger than DS. My friend has always been very competitive with me (even though I am not at all, but she always compares her life to mine). So ever since her daughter started talking like a normally developing toddler, she has been calling me and saying, "Oh, she says this and this now" she'll send me texts throughout the day with what her daughter says and today sent me a video with her daughter saying Happy Birthday to me since it is my birthday today.
She was even talking to one of our other friends and was asking her, "do you think I should tell Sarah my daughter is saying this or that?" like I would be upset her daughter is a normally developing toddler! She's been telling me all along how much her daughter is speaking, so why is she asking the other friend is she thinks it would be OK to tell me?? I just don't get it. I was so happy her daughter was talking, and I was so excited for them, but now I'm getting the sense that she's trying to rub it in. I was talking to her the other day and she literally said, "It's just SO wonderful having a child that can communicate what they want." this is verbatim. I just said "yeah" and moved on. Why is she doing this? Am I being too sensitive here?
I have plenty of other friends who have kids who are developing normally and I never get the same feeling from them, and they never say things like that to me. Is it normal to send a friend a video with your child telling them Happy Birthday? Is it normal to say "it's wonderful to have a child that can communicate" in everyday conversation? I don't know if I'm just sensitive to the topic or if she's really trying to rub it in? There's plenty more I can give as examples of why I feel this way, but I'm trying to keep it as short as possible while still letting you all know the story. Please let me know what you think. I seriously just want an honest opinion and fresh perspective.
Re: Am I over-thinking and over-reacting to this? Opinions please.
The video is cute. Saying that it's nice to have a child communicate may be just her excited about something and forgetting who she is talking to. At least that is what I would hope. I really can't imagine a normal friend ever doing this to dig it in. I mean have you known her to be an awful person? or could you just be being sensitive? I don't know this person but unless she is a complete jerk, I wouldn't assume she is being mean. If she is a jerk, and you know she has been one in the past, then stop the friendship immediately. She is not someone you want to spend any more time with.
I see this scenario as, she is usually competitive with you. You say you're not but because she is always making comparisons it's hard not to be a little bit too and so everything that she says, you are taking the wrong way. Yes I do talk to my friends about how excited we were once we actually could understand what our kids wanted and yes, just this week I sent out a video to some close friends and my parents of my son singing the ABCs...that's similar to the happy birthday story. As a side note, my son wasn't saying much at 26 months either. The Ped wanted to send him to speech therapy but we decided to wait and sure enough over the next few months his speech got better and better. He doesn't have Apraxia but just wanted to let you know that some kids...even those without known issues just talk later than others. Hopefully your little one is talking your ear off soon!!
While it might be difficult- try to keep the whole thing in perspective.
do you have the right to be sensitive?- sure we all do. Just try to keep it in check- and if it really IS bothering you - say something to your friend.
Your LO will catch up- in their own time! no worries.
In answer to your last paragraph, yes I think all of those things are normal to say/do in normal everyday conversation. However, if I was speaking to a friend whose child had a delay, they are not things I would say but sometimes I'm overly sensitive to others which isn't the norm.
Having said that, she could certainly be doing it on purpose. If so, she's certainly not much of a friend and not the type of person I would have much time for.
Big E (6) & Little E (2.5)
I can say that it would bother me as well because it seems like she is being insensitive over and over. That would be like me regularly saying to my sister, "Whew! I'm so glad I can buy whatever I want because we have money" (they struggle financially).
It sounds like your friend is insecure and trying to convince herself that there is nothing "wrong" with her child. You mentioned she is competitive so this is probably just her thing. But it does seem like she is rubbing it in when it's clearly not necessary. Personally, it would get to the point where I would have to say something before I snapped with "I get it! A new word every hour, next topic please!".
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
Are you sensitive to the topic? Of course you are. But you're supposed to be. As a mother of a child with a history of EI for physical delays as much as you are proud and honored to have your LO it's incredibly difficult to NOT be sensitive when they aren't developing normally. It takes extra time and effort for your child- it's an all-encompassing problem, especially with a speech delay.
Sounds like your friend doesn't know her "place" or how she should act around you. It's unfortunate but sometimes people feel incredibly awkward around developmentally delayed children. Maybe you're spending too much time on her and it might be time to remove the energy sucker.
My kid has multiple developmental delays, including a severe speech delay. Apraxia is a serious disorder, and I would be extremely irritated if a friend did that to me. Texts throughout the day with what her kid is saying? I would not tolerate that, and I would tell her to lay off the constant updates.
Most people really have no idea what apraxia is. When I first heard about it (a friend's child had it), I had to google it. I had no idea how serious it was.
Maybe this type of friend does that for everyone - the constant updates, etc. If she's generally competitive, then this should be no surprise.
All that being said, you do have a right to be sensitive and have your own opinion. Your son will catch up it sounds like and he's making great strides.
As for her asking your other friend, maybe she senses that you are irritated and is trying to be sensitive about it?
I have run the gamut on kids and when they talk (DD#1 was a late talker) - nothing really bothers me anymore.......
My son has apraxia as well, and I know EXACTLY how you feel. The majority of my friends have children who seem to be ahead developmentally, and although I am very happy and excited for them, it is sometimes painful to watch their children say things that I only wish my child could say. That being said, I have never shyed away from any friends because of this, and think that my son's exposure to them has only helped him. I do have friends that I think are more sensitive to my issues than others.
On a positive note, my son was diagnosed with Apraxia in September. He was over 2 and had about 2 words, that he only used occasionally. He has been in speech therapy since July. Now, with the help or PROMPT, omega-3/dha vitamins, and lots and lots of hard work, he had made tremendous progress. He still is hard to understand, and really struggles to get his words out, but it is night and day from a few months ago. If you haven't read the book "The Later Talker" by Marilyn Agin, I would recommend it. Helped me get myself together.
I was in despair a few months ago, and was told my son might not speak at all until at least 3, and not clearly until at least 6...he now is really speaking in (hard to understand) two and three word phrases. There is hope out there....
Please page or PM on the SN board or here if you'd like to talk to me about Apraxia. Hang in there....