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April 2011 Moms
stephanie_shoe
member
Be Careful What You Wish For...
stephanie_shoe
member
because you just might get it. I have been having some anxiety over telling my husband that I want my mom and dad to be the first visitors in to see the baby after it is born (aside from my husband, of course). I know my husband would ask why THEY would be put first over his dad, which is a fair argument...but I had the feeling that since I was basically the patient I would be very comforted by seeing my parents first.
However, we just learned 2 days ago that his dad and his dad's new wife will be going to Europe 3 days before the baby's due date, and will be there for 4 weeks. They have known about this trip since they booked it in February LAST YEAR and they are just now telling us this. SO of course my husband is upset that the baby will be like a month old before they even meet it, which makes him feel that our baby isn't special enough to change plans for. (Especially since they have known since August that the baby was coming in April).
It solves MY anxiety with visitors, but on the other hand I feel bad for my husband. He is the youngest child, but the only son so far having a kid, and he feels that if he tells his dad how he is feeling, that he will be guilting his dad into staying.
Should we speak up, or just let it go and bring it up after their trip? Do we even bring it up after they get back? WWYD?
Stephanie Hsu
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Be Careful What You Wish For...
eh, I would bring it up in a casual way. Only to let them know that you are hurt that they didn't mention it sooner. You don't want them to feel guilty about going because they planned it before you even got pregnant. It is pretty expensive and aggravating to change international travel plans. Does your FIL live near by?
My dad isn't planning on coming down until May 22 and my EDD is May 1st. I'm happy about the arrangement personally. It will give me more time to spend with my dad without all the other company that will be coming by after the kid is born. And really, what is a 60yo man going to do to help out immediately after the baby is born? My mom will already be here, I'll be breast feeding every hour, I'll be exhausted, the baby will just be crying, sleeping and pooping anyways.
ITA.....
Well, that does really stink.
When my only sister had her first child, I had already signed up for a study abroad (I was in college at the time). My niece was born while I was in Brazil and she was a month old before I got home. It was so hard missing out on everything, but in the grand scheme of things, I don't think my niece noticed. I was able to have a few weeks off before the next semester started, which I spent mostly with my sister and niece.
But still, I couldn't back out of the trip when I heard her due date, and even if I could have, I'm glad I didn't. I have my own life to live, and so do your DH's parents.
My Ovulation Chart
That's sticky.
On the one hand, I certainly understand your DH's feelings. I would be so sad if my parents weren't here when my daughter arrives.
On the other, they have probably put down money for this trip, which was booked before you were pregnant (I think I read that right), so I don't really blame them for still going on the trip. They probably figure your parents will be here, and this spreads out the visitors.
I'm a big believer of "better out than in" when it comes to emotions and family. I think there is a way for your husband to express - calmly and without laying down any guilt - that he is a little sad the baby will be a month old before they meet him/her. Otherwise, the resentment can fester and that's not healthy for anyone.
But at the same time, they aren't really wrong for wanting to go on the trip, and I hope he can make peace with it. Again, I totally get why he is feeling this way, but it might be one of those "in hindsight not that big of a deal" things.
hmm, sounds like something my dad would do!
I'd say let it go. They are the ones that will have to live with it. I'd comfort your DH and make sure he knows it will still be an amazing day! good luck!
I agree with SouthSideDrea. This also sounds a lot like my MIL and her husband. They will show up 3-4 months after baby is born cause it isn't a priority to them. It bothers me, but this is normal for how they treat my husband (her oldest).
DD 2.0 ~ 12/30/2013
I would just let it go, it is their choice. You could voice that you are disappointed that they wont be able to meet the baby until way after but like you said it's either going to guilt them into staying or it's not going to change anything... and then you husband might be even more upset.