Update: Warning SD
taagent
member
Well, I thought you ladies would like to know that SD spilled something on her clothes at dinner tonight (I didn't see her do it, she said she did) but she asked if i was doing the laundry tonight. I said not tonight and she asked if she could put the stain remover on her shirt so that when I washed it the stain would come out. After dinner she got her stool went into the laundry room and got the stain remover and took care of it herself then put it in her hamper. I told her that she did a great job and was really helping out and being responsible.
She was also wearing a football jersey earlier today (not the same shirt at dinner...it considerably warmed up this afternoon) and when she picked ravioli for lunch she decided to take off the jersey (leaving her undershirt on) just in case she dropped something on her clothes without me mentioning it to her. She asked if i thought she should and I told her that it was her choice but that would probably be a good one, and she chose to be safe rather than sorry since she loves this jersey. I am very pleased that she is making good choices and know that she wont be consistant with this right now, but she is working at it and trying and that is all we can ask of her.
I just thought I would update you all and let you know how she was doing with this subject.
Re: Update: Warning SD
That's good. ?I still think that a napkin in her lap would solve a lot of this. ?She could even tuck it into her collar (like a bib) when she's eating messier stuff. ?Obviously, she's getting the point, but why not save on the laundry? ?
Anyway, I'm glad she's cooperating. ??
She does use a paper towel to wipe her mouth, she puts it on her lap but lately doesn't seem to work well enough.
Thank you ladies. Like I said, we have worked very hard with SD and maybe it was just her time for the light to go on. I know there are plenty on this board who think I am hard on her. I don't look at it as being hard on her, I just have expectations of her, expectations that I KNOW she is capable of which is why it may seem that I get frustrated with "little" things.
She has no expectations at BM's, at all...not educationally, not socially, not behaviorally. She still gets her butt smacked at BM's house quite frequently, and crying, screaming (including at BM), and temper tantrums in general, in an attempt to get what she wants, is a common occurance, at least a couple times a week. Those things do not happen in our house, at least not with any kind of frequency, because she knows she will not get her way, she will be sent to her room so she can calm down and when she is ready to talk or move on, she knows she can come out and resume whatever the activity was and discuss the problem.
It isn't a control thing, it is a proper way to act and behave thing and more importantly it is a learning and decision making thing (which is what we are trying to teach her). I realize she is a child, but while being "just a kid" is a reasonable explanation for many situations it shouldn't be an excuse for everything. We are not with her every week so when she is with us with have to be consistant and teach her as much as we can, knowing much will be lost while she is at BM's, but at least we are a little bit more ahead the next time she is here.
I love my stepdaughter dearly and I am extremely proud of her, and proud of how far she has come in just a few years. I don't consider myself a stepmom, I consider myself a mom and take pride in all of her accomplishments and her hard work. I know I can be a little Type A sometimes, it isn't because I don't "consider her my own", it probably has a lot to do with the way I was raised but I will tell you this, she is a joy to be around now, family especially have mentioned not to me but to my friends and family how much they really enjoy being around her now, how much more loving, considerate, and caring she is, and how she treats people better, and is an all around wonderful child since I have been in her life.
I don't say this to take "credit" for anything, that isn't the point, the point is that sometimes the "little" things can make a big difference.