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February 2011 Moms
RumbleLina
member
My labor delivery fail, I couldn't deliver vaginally :(
RumbleLina
member
I went to L&D at 7pm Thursday night due to high BP where they found trace amounts of protein, because of this they decided to admit me and start cervadil which immediately started contractions. The OB around (mine wasn't available) thought that I wouldn't need pitocin because of how regular they were so she broke my water at 11am Friday and I labored for a long time until I couldn't take the pain and and got an epidural at 6pm. Unfortunately when I got the epi it slowed down my contractions so they started me on pitocin. It was 11:45 pm and I was fully dilated so it was time to push.
I pushed for 3 hours "like a champ" but he was still a fingertip away from crowning. It was at that point that the OB stated we needed to make a decision, continue to push for a little while more, vacuum, or c-section. I was against the vacuum since it can cause bruising so I pushed for 15 minutes more and it didn't matter.
To avoid the c-section I went with the vacuum and it didn't matter. She couldn't get him to come out. She said it was time to have a c-section because he wasn't moving and if I did get him to move further then I would have torn my anus as well (I already had a tear, needed one stitch). I was swollen too much to the point she said we needed to stop. We also had to stop the vacuum because he was starting to bruise on his head, never in my OBs 11 years has she had a failed vacuum.
Needless to say I was having a mental breakdown at this point and crying. They wanted to put me completely under and I said no, I wanted to be awake so they tried but my left side wasn't staying numb so they decided right there in the OR to put me out. They couldn't allow MH to come in.
Little man came out silent and wouldn't cry for a good 3 minutes they said and he was pale so they had to take him to NICU where he stayed for 4 hours. Finally I woke up and was able to meet my LO 3 hours after he was born.
My LO was born at 2:55am and weighed 6lbs 4oz, 18.5 inches long.
Why I could not push out a 6lb baby I do not know but the OB said that I wasn't big enough, it wasn't my bones but my muscles. I feel like a failure,truthfully, but I am now am recovering from both my vaginal non successful delivery and my c-section.
I am devastated that I missed his birth and his first cry and that DH wasn't able to cut the cord but as I spend more time with him the less it hurts as much.
Here he is though... Isaac Thomas
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My labor delivery fail, I couldn't deliver vaginally :(
I am sorry it didn't go as you expected... but he is here now and that is all that matters! Hugs... I had unexpected bumps in our birth experience and it wasn't fun but all is well now.
Congrats, I like that name too!
Allysun, this makes me so sad to hear... don't beat yourself up! You did everything you could! You have a healthy baby and that is all that matters. My baby was 6 lbs 6 oz and 18 1/2 inches and 3 days shy of 40 weeks and I had a failed induction ending in c-section. I was "too small" to deliver her as well. It's nothing to be ashamed of though, the birth is a singular incident... how you are as a mother lasts a lifetime.
Good luck!
i am so sorry things went like that.
i think you are justified to feel robbed or mourn your birth experience. but don't feel like you failed, because you're already holding your precious prize.
heal well and fast, mama. it's what happens from here on out that matters!
First of all, Congratulations on your precious baby boy!
You did NOT fail at anything! I agree with Tiffany 100%, you are justified in how you feel and in mourning the birth experience that you longed for but couldn't have.
We all know that ultimately, what matters most is a healthy baby and a healthy momma. But sometimes, the disappointment and hurt that occurs during the type of birth that you had will not resolve over the next weeks or months. Please be vigilant and don't deny yourself feelings of loss and regret, and PLEASE, if you feel as though you can't handle it on your own, seek help and do not be ashamed of it!
I don't mean to scare or worry you but I just want to insist that sometimes we need a little help dealing with traumatic events, even if they had a happy outcome such as yours.
Chances are you will be just fine and bathing in bliss with your new baby boy.
I am so sorry. I feel your pain my first L&D was very similar and I felt like a failure too. Please try to talk about it with someone and get all those feelings out. I had awful pp depression and it almost destroyed my marriage. I would not wish that on anyone. I know how awful you feel but you now have the rest of his life and all those firsts to live through so try to forget the couple you misses and relish the ones you will get.
I know that words don't make it any easier but at least know you are not alone in your feelings.
Erin
Congratulations on the arrival of your sweet LO! I understand where you are coming from....My first L&D was a similar experience although I didn't push for 3+ hours! I struggled with it for a while but then realized that it really didn't matter. You will get to that point as well, but I know it is a process.
Congrats again and enjoy your new baby!
Thank you to everyone for all the words of encouragement (and wisdom). I am starting to feel better about it although it is quite there yet.
I think talking to someone about it would be good though. I am okay now with having a c-section but it is still really hard for me to know that I wasn't awake for his birth and MH wasn't able to witness it either.
Thanks you again ladies!!