Advice about DD being present for delivery- please don't flame

newmommy082307 · February 2011

Ok we are not one of those hippie couples that wants the whole family in the delivery room, we just have no help. My inlaws are self centered hands off people who throw money around and think of it as help but will NEVER help with DD. My parents are in really bad health and unable to care for a 3 year old. We live in a new city a couple of hours from both our families and the rest of our family has pretty much refused to keep DD because they don't see her often and they don't think she will want to stay with them and we don't know many people here. We are at a loss what to do with DD. She could go to daycare IF we have the baby during the hours of 7 to 6 but we can't count on that. What is everyone's opinion of having your child present with you during delivery? I don't want DH to miss the birth and although I would prefer not to have DD with me during labor I don't know what else to do?

marhar7106 · February 2011

That sounds like a really tough situation. I honestly think that would be pretty traumatic for a 3 year old to be there for the birth. I would ask your inlaws if they would be willing to come to the hospital to stay with her in the waiting room. My dd is 2 and I know she would not be able to handle being in the delivery room and as you mentioned, you don't want your dh to have to miss out on the birth. Good luck with whatever you decide.

katlizabeth · February 2011

I wouldn't do it. I don't think your dh would be much of a support while chasing/entertaining a 3 year old. And would your doctors allow it? Could you hire someone from your dd's daycare to do it in the case of an overnight?

kabarbanel · February 2011

That's tough. I would do anything I could to not have your DD in there. As pp said, can your day care provider watch her after hours if need be? Is it an in home day care? Or if not, is there a teacher there that can babysit?

Nyki06Wed43530 · February 2011

I worked at a daycare center (up until last week) and I know that all of us would baby sit outside of work hours. I would definitely check into that.

jess1984 · February 2011

Could you look into hiring an overnight baby sitter. (I know I would call my community center to see if they have such a thing) Or there are no co workers who would be willing to take her, or come over and watch her at your place?

Just ideas, becuase I can see where you are coming from. There is no way that I would want ds to be in the room, but in your situation he might have to be. Maybe a nurse at the hospital would be willing to take her to the family room while you push? Again no idea, just spurting ideas that come to my head. Good luck.

erikaautumn · February 2011

I was also going to suggest the daycare provider or a teacher at the center babysitting after hours/overnight. There's no way your DD would have the patience to sit in the delivery room that long. Plus, I agree it would be pretty traumatic. Otherwise, I think you might need to do it without your DH.

Green*Flamingo · February 2011

There has to be some sort of after hours daycare in the area- for parents that work nights and such. I would suggest calling around to find some place that would could accept DD- maybe even someone with a home based daycare that is willing to work with you with this issue.

LoCarb · February 2011

I'm in the same position as you.

Our hospital does not allowed children in the delivery room so that's not really a possibility. Also, I want DH to be there w/ 100% attention on me not an bored toddler.

I am looking for a day/over night sitter now-I'm 10 wks away from EDD. DH plans to stay with me in the hospital that night and drive DD to daycare the following a.m. The 24 hr sitter is going to cost a fortune and we plan to try her out a cpl. times beforehand so DD can get use to her.Maybe something similar will help you?

LoCarb · February 2011

Oh and to further explain...I'm requesting an induction to plan childcare for DD.

JessC28 · February 2011

Nyki88:
I worked at a daycare center (up until last week) and I know that all of us would baby sit outside of work hours. I would definitely check into that.

This. Can you talk to your child's care providers and see if someone you trust would be willing to take her for the night? There were several times I would take one or two of "my" kids home for the night when parents worked crazy hours. It would be a nice option because your daughter would know them well.

A child that young might resent the new baby if she thought LO had caused her mother pain, plus it'll be hard to wait that long, and could be distracting for the medical staff.

wolverine8 · February 2011

I know it sounds like you might have some issues with your inlaws but have you actually sat them down and said, "Hey, we really need your help taking care of DD once I am in labor and at the hospital."?? Even though they NEVER help you out, maybe they would still be willing to do so if you just flat out ask the, I would try that before finding a babysitter.

iris427 · February 2011

I have been to deliveries where kids were there, so I don't think it's necessarily traumatic or horrible to have your kid there. Personally I think I would find it really distracting to have a 2 or 3 y/o there and I worry they would be old enough to recognize you are in pain but not old enough to understand why. If you do have her there, I think it would be helpful to hire a sitter to watch her or have someone there specifically to watch her--you and your husband will be busy and what will happen if you end up needing a c/s or something happens where your daughter can't stay with you?

Do you have any friends or co-workers that would be willing to take your daughter for a night?

LifesPeachy · February 2011

wolverine8:
I know it sounds like you might have some issues with your inlaws but have you actually sat them down and said, "Hey, we really need your help taking care of DD once I am in labor and at the hospital."?? Even though they NEVER help you out, maybe they would still be willing to do so if you just flat out ask the, I would try that before finding a babysitter.

This.. also I am really anti convenience induction but maybe that could be an option too if your OB is willing and you are willing. You could get to the hospital right after dropping DD off at daycare and if you go past 7pm- perhaps your in-laws (or a babysitter from the daycare) can take DD until you deliver.

I would have DH ask your in-laws for this help. They are the grandparents!! My MIL is flying all the way out here from the UK to be here for my DD (and then me/baby)- surely your in-laws can help out? Even be at your house so it's easier for DD.. You have no other options, they must want to help out??

I totally know how you are feeling.. I had some pre-term issues and am delivering at a birth center. I had to be 37 weeks to deliver at the birth center and I was terrified of going into labor before then because we have no one out here either. We just moved cross country a few months ago and there is no one I can ask to watch DD, literally no one. I did not want to bring DD with me and she's old enough and mature enough to sit in a family room and keep herself occupied by herself. I still worried there was no family room or it'd be in the middle of the night, etc. Now I'm 37 weeks and can deliver at the birth center, I know DD would be fine there on her own because it's just a small home like environment, but MIL will be here on Thursday and then DD can stay home with her. Sorry for the long side note but I just wanted to throw in there that I know how you feel (except my situation has resolved) I hope you can figure it out! Wink

CutieBean79 · February 2011

I would not want my toddler in the delivery room. I don't think it is right that some people do that - I think it would scare the crap out of a child to see their mommy in that kind of situation. Not to mention that the delivery room is not even close to child proof and they may not even allow children in there with all the instruments and equipment. I would do what you can to make other arrangements. The previous posters have good suggestions.

Proxy · February 2011

I'm so sorry you have to worry about this. I thought I could provide a positive perspective. My Brother and SIL had their 3 yr old (at the time) in the delivery room when her sister was born. My SIL had an epi, so my niece never really saw her in pain and she stayed near the head of the bed during pushing, so she didn't actually watch her sister come out. My niece is now 16 and doesn't even remember being in the room, so I would say she's not traumatized by it.

Good luck!

RachieTK · February 2011

I would try to find a babysitter. Maybe someone from the daycare would be willing to keep her/take her on a weekend?

BeetleLinz1125 · February 2011

Has your dd made any friends at daycare? Maybe she could stay with one of the families that also go to the daycare, that way it will be more like a play date instead of going to her teachers home. Maybe talk to her daycare and see who she gets along with best and reach out to their family, and see if they could help.

bea0422 · February 2011

I have known many people who have allowed their children to be in the room during a birth. If you have prepared for labor than you know what is coming, it not scarry for you. If you prepare your little one for labor, telling her that sometimes it will hurt but that you will be ok, and also during labor, reassuring her that you are ok, it will not be traumatic. I know that it is much easier to do this when you are having a home birth, they have the choice to wonder in and out of the room, or watch a movie, go to sleep...it would be alot harder to have your young child present at the hospital.

I hope you are able to work something out!

jinnymb · February 2011

Yeah I agree with OP ask the daycare or one of the other parents from daycare, a co-worker? Someone should help you out, I know I would even if I didn't know the person that well.

Our hospital does not allow children period in the delivery room, I would make sure yours does if you even consider it.

schoolsoutbride · February 2011

I don't have a problem with a 3 year old being at a birth in theory, but it doesn't sound like something you really want. I'd see if one of the DCP at her daycare could take her after hours if need be.

Have you asked your ILs? I'd ask before assuming and tell them you're in a pinch.

nursemarie925 · February 2011

Not sure if this has been mentioned, as I skipped straight to reply. My hospital doesnt allow children under 12 in the delivery room. So if you bring your daughter along, in hopes that she can be in the room, most likely your husband will miss the birth, because he will be sent out of the room to care for your daughter.

RunningGal900 · February 2011

Our hospital won't allow children back in L&D at all. Personally, I think it could be really scary for a little one - not necessarily during contractions and pushing if she's well prepared, but what if you go into distress and need to be quickly wheeled out for an emergency c/s. That could really scare her.

Like everyone else said, I'd ask someone at daycare if they would be willing to babysit overnight. Also, there are babysitting/nanny placement companies. Maybe you can find someone trustworthy from one of them.

MicahAnn · February 2011

Our hospital wont allow children under a certain age in delivery so be sure to check that out, as previous posters have said. Have you looked on posted on your local board about possibly needing help? Also, maybe you or DH have a coworker that would help out. Heck, I would offer if you were in the Fort Worth area. Id offer for anyone I work with too, the last thing you need during delivery is to worry about her. If your okay, have your hubby talk to his parents. I realize they aren't close in proximity but they may would help if they were asked to otherwise I would start looking now....good luck!

yeahimamom · February 2011

Sorry:( I would first talk with your DH about asking your in-laws. If that doesn't work I would definitely go with some of the people at your daycare, seems like someone there would wanna help you out. If that doesn't work, and you are at a loss maybe you could call one of the local elementary schools or another mom from daycare to see if they know of anyone that you could trust to help you out. IMO it would be best if someone came to your home so your DD would still be semi-comfy. Hope you can figure something out....If you were my neighbor, I'd have your back:) GL!

jarjules8208 · February 2011

What about searching a site like care.com for an overnight sitter? I'm not sure what other sites are out there, but there are a lot of caregivers on the site for my area. Maybe you can find someone there and have him/her watch your DD a few times before your new LO comes.

KittahMama · February 2011

I am in a similar situation except my parents are two hours away and as soon as I go into labor my mom is on her way. I asked my OB about it and she said not to worry, we will figure something out- but DH will be with me when I deliver! That made me want to hug her! DD will only be 1 but still- so young to be there and most likely in the way!!!

I have two friends that live in the area and I asked them if they could watch her for an hour or two while my mom is en route but literally DD doesn't go to daycare and other than my parents no one has ever watched her. (DH's family is in the UK).

Good luck and I know the feeling. Hope you can figure out something.

ellekae · February 2011

You could also try a local church; I know if someone in your situation called my church, they'd send out an email to the congregation and have 15 volunteers within the day offering to help. Most churches even require their nursery volunteers to have background checks and everything, so you'd have that security as well. Just a thought.

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