Tough question.

indianasunshine · February 2011

At least it is for me....Have any of you ladies thought about who would raise your LO, if God forbid, something tragic happened to you and DH? I hate to even think about these things AT ALL, but maybe it's the dangerously icy roads talkin'.

I started thinking about this when Miller's godmother asked if it was our intention for she and his godmother to take him in this sort of situation. My head started spinning as she explained that that was something that they would want to do. DH and I chose them to be M's godparents because they are very dear friends, live next door, and share similar religious views. In the symbolic sense, they are the perfect choice. In the legal guardianship role, I think they would also do a great job with him, but I feel a little strange making that commitment to someone who is not biologically family. On the other hand, our family tree is a bit of a stump. I am an only child and so is my mom. My mom has dementia and can barely take care of herself. So obviously she could not take care of him. DH has two brothers and a sister. They all love Miller, but DH doesn't feel that any of them would step up for that responsibility.

I just don't know what to think about all of this, so I usually don't. I also realize that the responsible thing to do is to figure it out, for M's sake. So if you are way ahead of me, please let me know how you made this decision.

Pesky · February 2011

Yes and it's been difficult. DH and I are lucky in that we each have 2 siblings so family-wise we have choices. We would not be likely to choose our parents due to their ages and at least my parents, inclination. Fortunately, out of our families we have two good choices in our sisters, both of whom share somewhat (although not identical) views on raising kids and the importance of family. If you had someone nearby who is willing to shoulder that responsibility, similar views and would make efforts to ensure M saw his family, I wouldn't hesitate to go outside the family. And the thing is, it is a fluid process. Our choice of guardian has shifted from one sister to another as one sister has added to her family and the other has achieved a more stable life. So it is possible that while you might choose your friends now, you can tell them that it might change in the future if you all feel that DH's family is up to the task.

stever · February 2011

We would want Mikey to be raised by DH's sister. She's close to DH, married to a great guy and is a great mom to M's two cousins - 3 and 1 years old. Unfortunately they live in the UK and we have yet to make a will, so we really need to get on it.

It's terrifying to think of it, but I'm an only child and my BFF, whom I think of as my brother, is unmarried and moving to India for work in a month. My parents are both in good health but are still 65-70 so it is imperative that we make our wishes known about DH's sis.

amtaka · February 2011

It's a tough thing to think about. With getting ready for the move we've had to think about this. My mom and DH's sister are our options. Leah does better with my mom because she see's her more often and mom knows our routine. DH's sister would be great with Leah once Leah gets used to her.

We were thinking of choosing DH's sister because she is younger than my mom. However, since she's only about 10 years younger than my mom we're not 100% set on our decision. We really need to decide though since we're doing a living trust in the next month.

If we did not have any family members as options I would not hesitate to choose a non family member. I have friends that are better aunties and care for Leah more than her biological aunties.

Peppernut · February 2011

We chose my brother as godfather for exactly that reason. He's stable, a good, ethical man, and a joy to be around. We'd trust him.

goldenprincess · February 2011

yes, it would be either my SIL or DS's Godparents. My parents are still alive but they are both in their 70's and not in great health, so we felt that wasn't a good option.

Aries&LibraMom · February 2011

We're having trouble with this issue too. We've talked about it a few times, but have yet to come to a decision. Our main issue is that we live in Alberta and so does everyone in DH's family (with the exception of one sister who lives in BC); all of my family is either in Nova Scotia or New Brunswick (with the exception of my youngest brother who is also here in AB). I wouldn't want any of my MILs (I have 3, long story for a different post lol) or my FIL to have the girls. One of my SILs is completely immature and can barely take care of her own son properly; the second has already raised her daughter and we wouldn't want to have her start all over with two LOs and the youngest is only in her early 20s. My family is more ideal - my brother is married to a wonderful woman with two beautiful, happy kids who would love our girls like their own; my sister is a brand new mom (her DS is only 2 months younger than our DD#2), but she & her DH love our girls so much and would care for them so well. My youngest brother is still single, loves our girls, but isn't stable enough to care for them - not to mention he gets scared holding babies. lol The big issue DH has with the girls going to my family is the distance from AB to NS/NB and that his family wouldn't get to see the girls. My family would probably travel once a year or so out here to see his family (which is what we do now to see my family), but we (mostly me) doubt that his family would travel out East to see the girls - they don't even travel to see us and we live in the same province! Then there are our BFFs who also live in AB, but my best friend is from NS too and they travel there to visit her parents and would be able to take the girls to see my family when they go. *sigh*

Sorry this is so long, but I can definitely sympathize with your plight. I hope we all can get this figured out for the sake and safety of our LOs.

PS. I love the pics of Miller...he is one beautiful little boy. )

ateytelb · February 2011

My brother and SIL.

robynlesley · February 2011

While we haven't made our choice "legal" (as in a will), we have asked DH's sister and her DH to take Aaron, should anything happen. My SIL is awesome and adores Aaron?as do her sons (ages 7 and 5). We are not close with DH's brother, and even if we were he has 4 children of his own (the youngest is 6 weeks younger than Aaron).

Piranha54 · February 2011

For us, it was a relatively easy decision to pick my brother. We didn't realy think the parents were an option due to age, his sisters are all lovely but have very different views of parenthood than we do and none of them can balance a checkbook. While we have several friends we would feel very comfortable with, and know they would do it, they all have three kids already, so...My brother is laid back, hard working, fiscally responsible and just a great, smart guy. Since he's younger and single, he was a bit taken aback when we asked, but now he's so smitten. Plus, he's been a life saver helping out and spending time with Ellie while I'm on crutches. He's really gotten to know her better and bond.

We did a will and trust before Ellie was born - was easy and less expensive than I expected. I've seen some ugly custody battles when a will wasn't present so it gives me a peace of mind. Good luck!

NewMrs07 · February 2011

I've thought about this a little bit, especially when we chose A's godparents. My mom is his godmother and my BIL is his godfather. I wanted one person from each family and I didn't think one my own brothers would be well-suited for the job. If something happened to DH and me, my parents would take care of A, and then my BIL when my parents passed away or were unable to physically care for him, since they are already 66 and 69 yrs old. Hopefully that scenario never happens though (knocking on wood).

leslieb923 · February 2011

My parents are older, so they aren't an option. My DH's family is not an option due to lots of reasons that I don't even want to go into. We asked my brother and his wife if they would take Thomas if anything happened to us. They said they would. They do not have any children of their own, but I know they would love Thomas and raise him as their own.

Side note: My brother lives in Hawaii, so we joke that if Thomas knows that he would go live with them, he may try to knock us off. (Bad joke, I know)

fauxshelley · February 2011

My situation is kind of complicated in that I am divorced and I'm sure that my XH and I have different opinions on this. If my XH passes first, I would choose the kids godmother. She is like a grandmother to the kids. I have known her for 17 years, long before Pumpkin was born. She cares for them daily, she lives in the neighborhood and she would raise them with lots of love. She is not perfect, she lets them eat too much junk and watch too much TV, but she loves them like family. If I pass first, I'm sure the kids would go with their father, and he would probably choose someone in his family, like his younger sister.

peeper72 · February 2011

Yeah, we went through this shortly after Ada was born. It was sobering and a little bit depressing to have to give it such serious consideration. I'm glad we got it worked out though.

How we deicded was to look at who had a stable life, family, income, etc. Then we considered who would be likely to raise her with values similar to ours. We have quite substantial life insurance policies so the babe would come with a chunk o' cash - we set it up so that the person in charge of the cash is not the person in charge of Ada. Ultimately, some family is involved but we also have some good friends on the roster. We talked to everyone about it, of course, as some people might not be up for such a seriosu task. Since we do have friends in line, this might be contested by family - my only bit of advice is to go ahead and shell out for a lawyer - don't do the online thing. I learned first hand how that can backfire when my mom died.

mtnrider · February 2011

Neither my parents nor in-laws are an option (too old), nor is my sister-in-law (lives in Texas and done raising kids), so that only leaves my sister in New York or our friends here. DH would rather euthanize S than have him raised in New York (no offense to anyone who lives in NY) but my sister has a 2 year old daughter and they desperately want a boy and can't have any more kids so I'm pretty sure they would take him, we just haven't talked about it yet and DH would need convincing. Sucks to even think about it.

katsblaze · February 2011

DH and I are torn. It would either be my Sister and BIL, or his Brother and SIL. It's so hard to decide, but DH and I were just talking how we really do need to get a will in place.

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