Anyone else due when DH has to be away? — The Bump
Military Families

Anyone else due when DH has to be away?

I'm sure this is a common situation for military spouses to find themselves in, so I'm looking for someone who has gone through or is currently going through the same thing.  Our first baby is due in March, and my husband is leaving for BCT on Sunday (1/30).  Honestly, I'm completely terrified... my husband and I have been married for almost 2 years, now, and I will be learning how to be a military spouse and a new mom at the same time.  If any of you have any advice for me, stories to share, or if you are currently going through the same thing, I'd love to hear from you!  I know the sacrifices are going to be worth it for our family in the long run, but I'm just having a hard time right now.  

Re: Anyone else due when DH has to be away?

  • Have you told his recruiter about you being due while he was in basic? My friend was due while her husband was in basic for the Air Force and he was allowed to leave as soon as she went into labor then stayed two days after the birth. Of course, this was the Air Force and all the branches are different. But, I would make sure his recruiter knew so he could give you some insight on this situation.

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  • I'll be going through a similiar situation.  My DH is deploying soon and I am due in April.  He definitely won't be here when she's born and probably won't have any access to communication at that time either, but I'm still wishing, hoping and praying that he does.  These things seem to change with the weather.  DH and I were engaged when he went off to basic and AIT.  Communication is sparse during BCT, but it gets better.  You will learn to love your mailbox.  This is our first LO, as well, and it will definitely be hard to adjust to life as a mother while trying to hold down the fort without DH, but I am hoping having my daughter here with me will make the time go by quickly.  It seems like an eternity when they leave, but he will be back with you before you know it.  If you want to talk about anything, feel free to PM me. I wish you both (plus LO) luck with everything!
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  • NSLNSL member

    First, please take your blog name out of your signature line.  That's obviously your full name, and there are crazy people out there.  You should probably also get a new screen name that doesn't contain any personal information.

    Second, my H was (and is) deployed to Iraq when our second son was born.  It wasn't ideal or fun, but we made sure before he left that I would have a support network in place.  My parents, our neighbors, and many of his colleagues have all helped out in various ways.  Make sure you have a similar network set up before the baby is born. 

  • I had our first little girl while my DH was in BMT & Tech (he's in the AF). He did try to get home for the birth - but the AF wouldn't cooperate. I tried to keep him updated with everything going on with her through letters - and our small, infrequent phone calls til he got to tech. It was then that I gave birth - and he was able to talk to me on speaker phone throughout the L&D process.

    We're now due with our 2nd little girl in July - and he's deploying to Iraq. I've spoke with my Dr, & the hospital - and as long as the base & his supervisors cooperate we're going to try to Skype for it. :)

    It's hard, I won't lie. But having your LO will help time pass the time. You'll learn to love your letters, and you'll frequently stalk your mailbox. But in the end it will all be worth it when you see him again.

  • I'm going through the same thing. My husband is deployed to Afghanistan currently and I am getting induced in 3 weeks when he's back on his leave. I'm freaking out because I'm a first time parent and taking online classes at the same time. Hubby will have about a week left after our son is born, but I'm just so nervous about getting enough sleep at night/during the day with homework on top of everything. It's so nerve-wrecking!!
  • H will be deployed when our baby is born- he will meet him/her 3 months after birth. Not the ideal situation (this was a surprise baby) but we're excited nonetheless. I agree with the above poster that suggested setting up a strong web of support while H is gone, it will make all the difference. 
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  • DH missed our first DD's birth... he was less than an hour away training in the field, but I had an emergency delivery and he couldn't get there in time. He was given three days off to spend with me at the hospital, but then had to go back to the school he was in and saw DD sporadically when he had an occasional weekend pass during her 2.5 months in the NICU. Not a fun way to cope with a traumatic birth and early few months, but we got through it.

    This time around we planned the pregnancy based on risks of repeat complications, so we knew he'd be deployed when DD #2 is born, but the benefits me being able to move home and stay with family during the pregnancy in case of bedrest/early delivery outweighed waiting to TTC till when he'd be home again. The peace of mind I've had because of the decision has far surpassed any disappointment that he'll miss another birth, and he should be home on R&R a few weeks after my due date, and then home for good a few months later.

    I have stayed positive about the experience in part because we planned it and I had control over the decision (how often does that happen in the military?? lol), and in part because I've done it once before and know I can do it again. I just chalk it all up to being a milspouse - we don't have easy jobs : P

    I suggest you look into which provides free doulas to qualifying milspouses whose husbands are deployed, killed or injured in the line of duty.

    Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! And I hope you can take some comfort knowing there are lots of us in your boat : )

  • I'm pregnant with our 3rd child and DH recently deployed.  He'll be missing virtually everything of the pregnancy and he'll come home to a 6 month old.  We could technically try to get his R&R to coincide with the delivery, but we decided we'd rather have him home a couple months later instead so that we could have a bit of a vacation together and not be quite so sleep deprived the entire time he's home. But I think it's a little different when it's not your first child so although I'm sure that I will want him there when I"m actually in labor, at the moment I'm ok with the decision we've made.
  • imageemylos:
    We could technically try to get his R&R to coincide with the delivery, but we decided we'd rather have him home a couple months later instead so that we could have a bit of a vacation together and not be quite so sleep deprived the entire time he's home.

    This was our rationale, too. All the others delivering in the Co this deployment wanted their DH's R&R's to coincide with birth, but I wanted us to be able to enjoy his time home and get out of the house (and hopefully be far enough along post delivery to have sex hehe ; )

  • DH and I are going through this currently.  We actually don't even know yet if he will be stateside or already deployed when I go into labor.  I'm terrified to do it alone while he's gone, all the while chasing a toddler around the house.  But we live close to his family and mine and I'm just going to have to learn to ask for help.  I've got a backup plan in place for my support group in L&D in case he cant make it, and will just take the rest as it goes!

     I wish I could tell you that I've been there, done that and we made it through brilliantly, but time will only tell, I may loose my mind :)  Just kidding.  I just try to remember that being that busy will really help the time go by and that there are people that would love to help me and my little family!  

  • Yes! DH is leaving for Afghanistan this spring, I'm graduating in May and we're due in September. He wont be home until the baby is 2-3 months old which is really really scary.

    This is our first and it kind of stinks because I go to school in GA and he's stationed in WA right now so we wont get to spend any of my  pregnancy together and he'll miss l&d and the first few months of LOs life. I know it's worth it in the end and when he gets back he'll have tons of leave but I feel like a single parent already! He training right now so I can't even call and whine about my morning sickness or fatigue. This is definitely not ideal but I know it happened this way for a reason...

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  • DH and i just transferred to Guam and the moment we stepped off the plane the guy picking us up said 'oh you due to deploy in May' and i looked at him and said 'are you serious? im due in May!' First they told him that they would keep him back for the birth since it was his first (my second). then they turned around and said sorry we are leaving at the end of april instead of may now so you cant stay. 

    So since we've only been her a few months(2 or 3) and i know nobody here, DH is flying me and DS#1 home to deliver and stay with my parents. We just dont want me to have to deliver alone, and with me not knowing anyone and being shy already, DS would have to be in the room, which they dont allow so it just wouldnt work. And DH is in the Navy so there is probably not going to be anyway that we can skype or be on the phone together when this happens, but we are keeping our fingers crossed!

    Good Luck to you! 

  • We found out recently that DH is likely deploying sometime between march and may (no orders yet).  If this happens we're going to put our stuff in storage and I'm going back home to live with family to have the baby and until DH is back.  Its our first LO and both DH and my family aren't comfortable with me being on my own on the other side of the country without any support network.  It will help us save money too.

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