What would make you leave your DH/SO?

MyOwnLady · February 2011

If your DH/SO gets on your nerves every now and then, what would be the final straw? My DH is a little insecure, I think, because he thinks I am flirting with the realtor. I told him that if I am, then so is he, because he laughed at the jokes same as I did. He hasn't done that in a while, and I thought we were over that...I've never cheated on him, but he thinks that I like to flirt with other men. I don't, I love my husband and would do anything for him. I think he is a little depressed, and I don't know what to do to help him. He won't go see anyone for it. I have thought about grinding up some Celexa into his food, but he's only home on weekends. LOL...We are in the process of buying a new house, and I know he's stressed about how to sell the one we are in. We are thinking of renting it out. I'm not going to leave him for this, but if he doesn't stop, I'm gonna have to smack him....

Thanks for listening, ladies...

BFab11 · February 2011

Cheating. That's an absolute deal breaker for both of us.

StrawberryAlarmClock · February 2011

Anything that ruins our family unit: cheating, hurting me or our kids physically (he'd never lift a finger to harm us- I'm speaking generally) or emotionally, svcking as a father figure. DH is doing that last one right now and I'm trying to work through it with him. Sorry you're stressing. Please don't poison your DH.

It's good that you understand that insecurity is him not you. You can't do a single thing to change him. He has to find confidence in himself as your husband and in your relationship as it's own organic thing. GL

Rachel&Jake · February 2011

BFab11:
Cheating. That's an absolute deal breaker for both of us.

This exactly.

robinsokj · February 2011

Av8rEmily:
I know this won't be popular but, DH and I don't believe in divorce. It is not an option. My Catholic beliefs coming out. It is the same belief that Will and Jada Smith have (I thought this was really cool when I hear this).
Sorry you are stressed right now home buying is a stressful time. But at least when it is over you have a nice house for you and your family. Good Luck.

So, if your husband started beating the shiit out of you you wouldn't leave?

rchelone · February 2011

Av8rEmily:
I know this won't be popular but, DH and I don't believe in divorce. It is not an option. My Catholic beliefs coming out. It is the same belief that Will and Jada Smith have (I thought this was really cool when I hear this).
Sorry you are stressed right now home buying is a stressful time. But at least when it is over you have a nice house for you and your family. Good Luck.

This. The only thing I can think that would make me consider it would be if he did something to harm me or our kids, which he never would. I don't believe in going into a marriage with an exit strategy.

fotobird · February 2011

rchelone:
Av8rEmily:
I know this won't be popular but, DH and I don't believe in divorce. It is not an option. My Catholic beliefs coming out. It is the same belief that Will and Jada Smith have (I thought this was really cool when I hear this). Sorry you are stressed right now home buying is a stressful time. But at least when it is over you have a nice house for you and your family. Good Luck.
This. The only thing I can think that would make me consider it would be if he did something to harm me or our kids, which he never would. I don't believe in going into a marriage with an exit strategy.

Lurking.

I agree with this though. Obviously if he cheated or "beat the shiit" out of me or R, I would leave him... But I couldn't ever foresee him doing these things.

amarshall7 · February 2011

Cheating or any form of physical or verbal abuse to me or LO. None of this would ever happen. I don't think knowing you would leave if things got to an unhealthy or dangerous place = entering a marriage with an exit strategy. I do believe that many people marry & divorce too easily & don't work hard enough to have healthy marriages. Do I believe in divorce for us? No. Dh just would never do anything to warrant that. But I do believe there are circumstances in which divorce is absolutely the right answer for all involved. I'm sorry your dh is having a tough time. You know him & what might help him feel better best. If I know dh is stressed I try to take anything I can off his plate, and I encourage him to vent to me so he knows it ok to be unhappy sometimes & it's ok to talk about it. Sometimes it takes a while to get him talking, but it usually ends up being a really good thing for both of us when he does. I also just try to give him an extra measure of grace & don't pick fights or over react if he's moody towards me (I call him out on it, but I don't get pissed, I just say I know you're stressed but...). And I just try to do little thoughtful things to cheer him up & let him know I'm thinking of him. I'll send him silly pics of T while he's at work, make a favorite meal, rent a movie I know he's been wanting to see or even just say hey why don't you go out with the guys and dirt bike or what ever & just de-stress. He is the same way for me when I'm getting down or whatever. GL!

bobbyme · February 2011

Cheating, verbal, physical, or emotional abuse or violence.

kateoats · February 2011

rchelone:
Av8rEmily:
I know this won't be popular but, DH and I don't believe in divorce. It is not an option. My Catholic beliefs coming out. It is the same belief that Will and Jada Smith have (I thought this was really cool when I hear this).
Sorry you are stressed right now home buying is a stressful time. But at least when it is over you have a nice house for you and your family. Good Luck.
This. The only thing I can think that would make me consider it would be if he did something to harm me or our kids, which he never would. I don't believe in going into a marriage with an exit strategy.

This for us as well. I come from divorced parents and I did not want to take marriage lightly. The only way divorce is an option is if one of us becomes abusive and I don't see that happening. It helps that we communicate really well.

poolrat00 · February 2011

Physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse, sexual abuse. I can't even breathe when I think about DH cheating and me having to make the decision to forgive and forget or move on. I get all frantic thinking about it and I need to breathe right now I'm home alone with LO.

LuvMyBostons · February 2011

bobbyme:
Cheating, verbal, physical, or emotional abuse or violence.

This.

two-pink-shoes · February 2011

Any form of abuse would be the only absolute deal breaker. Cheating wouldn't necessarily make me leave him if he was sorry, especially if it was just a physical thing.

melody921 · February 2011

BFab11:
Cheating. That's an absolute deal breaker for both of us.

This. Or violence.

murfygirl · February 2011

two-pink-shoes:
Any form of abuse would be the only absolute deal breaker. Cheating wouldn't necessarily make me leave him if he was sorry, especially if it was just a physical thing.

Yeah, I think in some cases I might be able to try to work through cheating. Physical, verbal or emotional abuse is a done deal though.

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