NBR: Age Difference in a couple

Nickiechan · February 2011

My best friend who was the maid of honor at my wedding has a hard time meeting guys. She is very shy and she doesn't take the initiative to go out and date people. I tried to get her on some dating sites, but she won't have it. She recently told me about this guy that she met at her Dad poker tournament. He works with my mother and my mother has said good things about him, however he is 13 years older then her. My brother is dating a women who is 9 years older then he is, so I try to relate it to that situation. He recently asked her out on a date and then renting a movie back at his place. I am nervous about it because this will be her first real date! My mom reassured me that he knows my mom and her dad so he wouldn't do anything to hurt his reputation. Do you think this type of age difference could cause some issues? Even with my friend not being very experience in relationships.

kmv68 · February 2011

Two very good friends of mine started dating about a year and a half ago. She is 25 and he is 38. The only silly thing is that they haven't watched all the same movies or listened to the same music. But she is an old soul and he is very "young".

My aunt and uncle are 11 years apart and have been married for 35 years. The only difference for them is that he is retired and gives my aunt a ton of "crap" that she still has to work!

msmckenzie7 · February 2011

I don't think there will be a problem. My SO is 11 years older than me and we have been together for almost 7 years. We started dating while I was in high school so I got picked on alot about it but when I went to college things were different and we stayed together throughout a long distance relationship. If it is meant to be then things will work out. Good luck to your friend.

mmaxwell818 · February 2011

My parents are 12 years apart. My dad was 35 and my mom was 23 when they got married...they only dated for I believe 3 months before they were engaged...my mom was right out of college. I really don't think age matters at all. My parents have been married for 31 years and are going strong! I don't think you have anything to worry about. I wouldnt think just because he's that much older he would have bad motives or anything like that. People just click and age is just a number. My friends parents are 21 years apart! She was 18 and brought him to her Senior prom (he was 39 - granted that type of thing would NEVER be allowed now) but thats a huge difference they have 2 kids out of college together and are very happily married!

jcsumm0 · February 2011

I tend to think that age doesn't matter as much as whether or not the people are in the same "life stage." For example, my friend's husband is 11 years older than her, but they met when they were both in grad school so at the same "life stage." If your friend is in college, for example, and the guy has an established career, owns a home, etc, I think that makes things more difficult and they just aren't looking for the same things. KWIM? But if they are at relatively the same point in their lives, then I don't think the age difference is as important.

mlmtgg · February 2011

DH is 8 years older than I am. My BFF's H is 14 years older than her. There are no issues generational or otherwise, it's all really wonderful actually.

DreamChaser246 · February 2011

I have several girl friends dating older guys. While there generally are not personality issues (they've been happily dating for a while) the challeneges seem to more happen because the guy that they are dating has a kid from a previous relationship. So between the kid and the ex, it is a whole different level of complicated in a relationship that would otherwise be simple. So for them it works, other than the drama between the mother of their boyfriend's ex and the challenges of raising a kid that would have made them a teenage mom (if that makes sense).

Nickiechan · February 2011

Thank you everyone for your input! Makes me feel a bit better. I guess I am just nervous with it being her first relationship/date that I am afraid people will take advantage of her. (She has been very lonely for awhile now... and it makes me sad, so I am glad she is going out on a date) I've been her friend since I was in 2nd grade and we are more like sisters then anything. Thanks again!!

thegoods22 · February 2011

I can see you've already replied, but I just wanted to add my agreement that it's about the two people, not the numbers! I am 11 years older than my dh, and for the first time in my life, truly happy.

gymnst1013 · February 2011

I don't think it's that big a deal really. Big age differences can be weird when the people are younger (ie: a 16 YO going out with a 29 YO) but I think once you get into your 20s, it's fine. My cousin's husband is 10 years older than she is. My bff's husband is 11 years older than she is. It's never been an issue.

MrsPBNJ0220 · February 2011

In one light I don't think it's a big deal, however if this is her first real date I sure hope his intentions are good because going back to his house on the first date is a little strange to me. That's not an age related sort of thing though. I think if she was in her late 20's and he was in his early 40's that might be strange, but I"m assuming you are talking 20's and 30's, not so strange then.

Sunidaze · February 2011

I've never been a fan of personally dating someone that much older than myself, but to each their own. At least he is not old enough to be her father. You didn't mention what their actual age is but would assume they're both consenting adults, essentially making it their business and no one else's.

Nickiechan · February 2011

MrsPBNJ0220:
In one light I don't think it's a big deal, however if this is her first real date I sure hope his intentions are good because going back to his house on the first date is a little strange to me. That's not an age related sort of thing though. I think if she was in her late 20's and he was in his early 40's that might be strange, but I"m assuming you are talking 20's and 30's, not so strange then.

She is 25 and he is 38. I am a bit on the fence about going back to his house on the first date... I hope his intentions are good too. My mom talked to him today about the date. (My mom works with him) My mom knows about it and he knows my mom knows about it, so I am hoping he won't do anything stupid to hurt his reputations. He also knows her father... My mother says he is a very good guy... goes to church and volunteers with the Special Olympics. So after hearing these things for my mom I feel a bit better about it.

SpceCadet · February 2011

I agree with PP re: life stage. DH and I are 12 years apart, but are the same emotional age. I'm an old soul and he's Peter Pan. We started dating the year he turned 40. We've never found the age difference to bother anyone.

If I were 20 dating someone 32 and it was my first dating relationship, I think my friends/family would have a hard time with the age difference mostly based upon experiences.

I think it's right to be wary of a first date that is a movie at his house given that it's her first dating experience.

skrichar · February 2011

I think the older you get, the less of a difference it really makes. My DH is 9 years older than me, which makes us just about equal on the maturity level

I don't think the age alone is going to determine how this works out.

kaitylin · February 2011

DH and I are 8 years apart (and we first started dating when I was 19!) However, we were both in college at the time and so we were at the same stage of life in a way. It has worked out great and age really is just a number. My parents are also 9 years apart and his are 7 years apart so neither family had an issue with it.

Also, DH was my first real relationship. Honestly, if she is 25, she could just as easily be taken advantage of by a 25 year old guy - it doesn't sound like the guy is trying to take advantage of her in this situation at all. 13 years is not that bad and if they are in the same place and have similar goals going forward then I don't see why its a problem.

I did tell DH that my condition is that I get to retire when he does though

Pockety · February 2011

Don't put too much pressure on this date. You're referring to it as a relationship/date already. It's just a date!

Either it'll turn into another date, or it won't. Either way, if your friend is 25 and lonely, it's important that she start dating, in order to get practice dating. You worry that she'll be taken advantage of, due to her inexperience. This seems like a pretty safe way to get some experience with dating (since the guy knows her dad and your mom!) She's better off going on a date with someone who knows the whole family (and likely is approved of by them - he was invited to poker night after all!) than with a complete stranger. And should she go on a date with a stranger in the future, at least she'll have this experience to look back on!

JuneBug0611 · February 2011

I dated a couple of guys who were 10-11 years older than me when I was in my early 20s and it was no big deal. I agree that "life stage" matters more than anything else. With one guy we were both college grads working in the same city; with the other we were both grad/professional students studying at the same school. So in many ways we were in the same place in our lives, though at different ages.

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