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Parenting
Asked DH to leave yesterday (long)
This was a long time coming.
We've been together almost 10 years, married almost 7. We haven't had a marriage in years (at least the last 3). We have always been very different (almost opposite) but in the beginning it seemed to compliment each other and it worked. Now, our differences, on top of everything else, are just driving each other nuts.
For most of our 10 years together DH has worked part-time, if at all. I was the one paying all of the bills and making sure our family was financially sound but because of his lack of employment we would never get ahead and would sometimes get behind. He always said he was looking but come on. This was not my choice and I spoke to him MANY times about how I felt and he always had an excuse, and he'd get a job and he'd quit or he'd get a job and something would happen, etc, etc, etc. I'm just tired of him financially contributing to our family not being important to him and a job basically being optional. He works 1 part time job now and we got behind on our electic bill and I freaked out. So, he got a 2nd part time job working at Dominos delivering pizza. He worked ONE night and decided they asked to much from him!!!! Forget the fact that his family NEEDED the money. That was kind of the last straw.
We NEVER do anything as a couple or as a family. He's pretty anti-social and I swear would only be happy if he never had to leave the house and only communicated to people electronically (and still he would not be happy). This makes me very sad. I'm basically a single parent in many ways even though I am married so I might as well be a single parent.
He had some very serious health issues 2 years ago (2 ft blood clot in his leg, pulmonary embolism, etc) and after going through that hell and countless doctors, test, etc he has stopped taking his coumadin a few months ago. No reason why when I ask him, scares the hell out of me. Also, he has emphazema and still smokes. I'm tired of worrying sick about him if he basically refuses to take care of himself.
He is just a miserable person, he is never happy and just very negative. Our relationship has basically gone down the toilet the last few years. Again, I've tried talking to him MANY times and suggested counseling and it never gets better, only gets worse.
I'm just tired and don't even think I want to salvage it at this point. I honestly think, in the long run, we will both be happier being apart. We just have to do what's best for Keira right now. I've thought about this for much of the last year but more so in the last 6 months.
I talked to him yesterday and even though we are both miserable and have been for a loooong time, he was floored that I wanted him to move out. He seemed very hurt by it and blown away.
We'll see what happens but I know I'm making the right decision. I'm tired of being miserable and no hope of it getting any better. I know part of his problem might be depression but if he won't get help, there is nothing I can do for him. I just have to do what is best for me and Keira.
This sucks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Asked DH to leave yesterday (long)
(((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))
I'm here for you if you need anything.
You need to do what's best for you and your DD. If you're the one supporting the family, you'll end up BETTER off if you aren't supporting what is essentially a dead weight that you call your husband.
(hugs)
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
I think your right about the depression, him no getting help, that this is the right decision and the best thing for you and your little girl.
FWIW, I had a friend who married a similar man (never had a "real" job, she paid all the bills, and they were just different). They divorced this year and she seems so much happier.
I've done the math; even paying more in daycare expenses I will come out ahead. I put gas in his tank, money in his pocket and pay his bills. Once I get rid of all of that I will be pretty sound financially. I just hate this process and hate that he feels hurt.
(((HUGS)))
There are always two sides to a story (or is it three?) but from what you have posted here, sounds like you are making the right decision! Good luck!
Oh yes, I agree, we all have our flaws.
Liam is 5!
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
ditto and ((hugs))
"
Ethan {1.11.10} & Malia {12.28.06}
{{{HUGS}}} Sounds like you're taking a necessary step. Good for you. You're welcome over on the blended families board!
I'm no doctor, but he sounds depressed. I like what pp said along the lines of "it's not too late to change for his daughter." I hope you make this point to him, and I hope he gets the help he needs.
((((hugs))))
I am sorry you are going through this. You are doing whats best for you and your daughter and that is what is important.
DD 1/29/07 -
Sorry to hear this. My DH and I are going through a very rough time ourselves, but at least he contributes financially and takes care of his health. I don't know if I could handle what your husband has been doing.
(((HUGS)))
((hugs))
What a difficult time for you! I hope you feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders very soon!