Are you forgiving? What does it take?

Hot Sauce on a Stick · February 2011

I was talking to a friend and she is shocked that I'm not still angry at my XH for the abuse he put me through. We got to talking about forgiveness and such. To me, I can forgive people and move on fairly easily. Usually, all it takes is a genuine apology. If someone seems sincere, then I'm over it. My ex has never apologized, but staying angry at him only hurts me, so I forgave even though he never asked me too. DH, on the other hand, needs for someone to PROVE that they are sorry. If you do something hurtful to him, you can't just say "It won't happen again." You have to show him that it won't. What kind of apology do you need if someone wrongs you?

alltwistedup · February 2011

I have to say I am quite forgiving too. I very much have your perspective on it also... Now that doesn't mean if you hurt me I will allow myself to be in that position again it just mean I don't harbor feelings of hurt and pain.

BFab11 · February 2011

Oh it takes a lot. They have to prove that they're sorry and give me good reason to believe it won't happen again. That being said, I don't stay angry or overly emotional about it; I simply distance myself and close off. I guess I forgive fairly easily but I don't trust again easily. Yes, that's it.

robinsokj · February 2011

I lost one of my what was thought to be my best friends b/c she refused to apologize for something. After having multiple conversations with her and explaining that we weren't friends b/c she refused to apologize she still wouldn't.

We haven't talked in about 3 years.

I don't dwell on it, and I don't wish her any ill will, I just have zero interest in having her in my life.

HailsLyrics · February 2011

BFab11:
Oh it takes a lot. They have to prove that they're sorry and give me good reason to believe it won't happen again. That being said, I don't stay angry or overly emotional about it; I simply distance myself and close off. I guess I forgive fairly easily but I don't trust again easily. Yes, that's it.

I could have written this myself.

emiliemadison · February 2011

That depends entirely on what was done and who has done it.

sexyntexy · February 2011

emiliemadison:
That depends entirely on what was done and who has done it.

This.

DeeandBrad · February 2011

I am very very forgiving maybe to a fault. I always try to think the very best of people. I wouldn't want someone to stay mad at me so I try to be understanding and forgiving to others. DH on the other hand holds a grudge FOREVER!! He will just shut you completely out if you do something to him. I usually have to push and push to get him to finally start opening back up to the person but it is not an easy process. I don't really understand. I just don't think being angry and upset for long periods is purposeful of course unless it is something major.

I think if the person hurts you enough just end the relationship but don't be angry about it forever.

NewMommy423 · February 2011

I'm typically slow to anger and slow to forgive. But I accept apologies and they go a long way in my book.

Mama_SAS · February 2011

Depends on my relationship with them, their relation to my children, and what was done.

Example - College roommate was dishonest and backstabby and I never forgave her or spoke to her again. SIL was much worse, but she's family so I have to deal with her.

BBachmann · February 2011

Usually it's pretty easy for me to forgive and move on but there are exceptions to that. I usually forgive and forget unless you make me regret it.

There is a situation that I have moved on from, but I never forgave them, nor have they ever apologized. They pretend it never happened.

Aimeelb1 · February 2011

I'm pretty forgiving, I just can't hold a grudge. All it usually takes is a sincere apology...

FemmeNat01 · February 2011

I am pretty forgiving, in certain matters. It doesn't mean I don't forget it but I won't dwell on it. If the person in question apologizes and seems genuine, then I see no reason to hold a grudge. Life is too short and too precious for that. I know that more than a regular person and I guess, everything I've been through, puts it in perspective.

kate930 · February 2011

I am absurdly forgiving. When I argue with my H, I usually am over it half way through the argument. I have a flash temper, but then move on almost immediately. People can be mean to me, but if they are later nice, I find it impossible to hold a grudge.

This also means that I rarely apologize. I grew up that way and we would yell and scream like good Scots, but never return to arguments.

My H demands apologies, so I have had to learn, but I still don't see the need most of the time.

IrishBrideND · February 2011

A sincere apology. I'm a sucker.

I'm still not over crap I went through with one of my former best friends, but its because she has never admitted she was wrong. It will take time.

spring_time · February 2011

I am quick to anger and quick to forgive. DH is difficult to anger, but he does not forgive easily.

NewMommy423 · February 2011

kate930:

I am absurdly forgiving. When I argue with my H, I usually am over it half way through the argument. I have a flash temper, but then move on almost immediately. People can be mean to me, but if they are later nice, I find it impossible to hold a grudge.

This also means that I rarely apologize. I grew up that way and we would yell and scream like good Scots, but never return to arguments.

My H demands apologies, so I have had to learn, but I still don't see the need most of the time.

My DH is just like this. He's also had to learn to apologize. Smile

UsuallyLurking · February 2011

emiliemadison:
That depends entirely on what was done and who has done it.

This.

I almost always forgive people, to a fault. However, after being burned SO many times by my FIL, and allowing him to continually hurt me, down to the point that he actually told DH that DH needed to choose between me and "them" (DH's dad and stepmom), I haven't forgiven him. And I'm not quite sure what it will take for me to forgive him. All trust is gone, as is respect. I suck it up and get along with him, because I don't want DH to have to choose between his dad and I, but that's about the extent that I "deal" with him. If I do ever forgive, I will surely never forget.

pleasebeonsale · February 2011

The apology is key in my opinion. I assume that I'm not as important as someone's pride if they can't apologize to me. I will probably forgive them eventually anyway, but it won't be instantaneous and regaining my trust will take a lot longer.

WonderWoman27 · February 2011

Depends on the person...if I trust them to begin with, I'll forgive them very quickly compared to the person who I don't trust at all. Like my husband I'll forgive in a second with almost anything...one of my co-workers, not so much. lol

DrinknDerive · February 2011

I'm not a very forgiving person, and I hate that about myself. Instead of forgiving someone, I typically block them out emotionally so that I'm not consumed by my anger with them. Clearly I'm talking about big conflicts here.

kate930 · February 2011

NewMommy423:
kate930:

I am absurdly forgiving. When I argue with my H, I usually am over it half way through the argument. I have a flash temper, but then move on almost immediately. People can be mean to me, but if they are later nice, I find it impossible to hold a grudge.
This also means that I rarely apologize. I grew up that way and we would yell and scream like good Scots, but never return to arguments.
My H demands apologies, so I have had to learn, but I still don't see the need most of the time.
My DH is just like this. He's also had to learn to apologize.

I have been told I have emotions like a man. I also don't cry.

ablou · February 2011

I need actual change for me to forgive someone. I don't give a sh!t how "sorry" a person is, they have to prove that what they did will never happen again, and I will forgive them. If not, I stay pissed.

DH is slow to change.

Which is why I have wine.

DrinknDerive · February 2011

Camskate:
DrinknDerive:
I'm not a very forgiving person, and I hate that about myself. Instead of forgiving someone, I typically block them out emotionally so that I'm not consumed by my anger with them. Clearly I'm talking about big conflicts here.

Same here. My mom calls me the "hanging judge". But as another PP said if it's family, it's different.

Oh, I do it with family the most. lol.

Big J · February 2011

I very, very rarely forgive. I've dumped many friends over the years and really don't feel bad about it.

I have a bit more tolerance for crap when it comes to family.

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