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Attachment Parenting
StarlitRN
member
My heart is broken...
StarlitRN
member
I did the one thing I swore up & down I would never do.....I let DD cry herself to sleep. I feel horrible and can't stop crying.
DD has never been a good sleeper (I can count on one hand how many times she has woken less than 5X a night). She fights naps everyday and will only go down if I wear her on a walk or lay down with her (for the entire nap). As fustrating and exhausting as that is I was still ok with it.
Until this week. She won't sleep. At all. No naps...not a minute. 13 straight hours of awake & fussy (because she is exhausted). I tried everything. She went to the Dr and is perfect medically. I don't see any signs of teething (but gave Tylenol yesterday just in case....no help). She just won't sleep! She also has increased her fighting sleep at night to hitting, pinching, pulling hair (herself & me). She is frantic with exhaustion but nothing works. Nursing - nope, BWing - nope, rocking - nope, warm bath - nope.......once she does get to sleep she is awake every 30-45 min and the routine starts back up.
Tonight I had it. I am the most patient person in the world with babies (kinda have to be with my job)....but I started to lose it. I could feel the rage coming and everytime she clawed/pinched me I wanted to lash out. So I left. I sat in my room for 5-10 minutes to get my control while she screamed. I went back in (which seemed to make it worse) and after 10 min could feel myself losing it again. I stepped back out for 10 min and she fell asleep.
I know it was needed. I know she won't "hate" me. But I am heartbroken that it came to this.
ETA - DH works nights and has been on for a few shifts so he is not here to help or he would take her for a bit to let me get some downtime.
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Re: My heart is broken...
Oh mama
Like you said, it was totally needed and she won't hate you. You did what you had to do to let your little get some sleep, don't beat yourself up for that.
You did the right thing mama!
You are a wonderful mama so you shouldn't beat yourself up about this. Go take a nice relaxing bath, have something yummy, enjoy your night, and stay warm!
Oh man, I hear ya. DH also works nights and is only home for 1-2 bedtimes a week. I've been there.... DS was horrible to get to sleep for the first 3 months. Got better than great. Got worse. Got better... The cycle continues still.
Being the only one responsible for bedtime is the WORST. Bedtime is tough for many families but most families have both parents home at bedtime and can share the responsibility. It's a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders alone if you are the only one dealing with bedtime, as it's so important to life in general, good sleep.
If you need to walk away for a few minutes (I've had to do it too) that's ok. It's better for everyone if you take a few breathes. Don't beat yourself up.
BFP #2 12/26/11 ~ EDD 9/6/12 ~ MMC discovered on 1/27/12 @ 8w1d (measured 6w2d)
BFP #3 8/10/12 ~ EDD 4/23/13 ~ MMC discovered on 9/13/12 @ 8w2d (measured 6w6d)
Big hugs to you. You did the right thing so don't beat yourself up. Kudos to you for recognizing your frustration level & knowing you needed a break. Like you said, she isn't going to hate you & she's not going to be scarred for life or anything over it & I know you know that.
Just big big hugs to you tonight. Go get some sleep for yourself now that she's asleep.
Thanks ladies.
The rational part of my brain knows that she is fine & I had to step away......but the mommy part is having a rough time! I'm going to pour me a glass of wine & curl up in bed with a book. I pray she stays asleep for a few hours at least!!
(oh and she will sometimes sleep in the car but with the 20in of snow that snOMG2011 left us it isn't an option!! haha!)
I don't really post on this board, but I read your post and it really hit home. My DS has not been a great sleeper since birth and lately it just seems that unless my boob stays in his mouth continually he is awake again. I can't put him to sleep until almost midnight and DH and I spend no time together since he has work early the next morning.
Lately, last 4 days or so, I have had to just put him in his bed and pray he would fall asleep. He would cry whether or not I was holding him so I decided that if I lay him down that maybe he would go to sleep and I would get a much needed break. Well he screamed and was upset but I would sit there and rub his back. He would act this way if I was holding him, laying by him, rocking him, no difference. A few nights I brought him back to my bed and just nursed practically all night so he didn't have to cry. But tonight I put him in there and within 3 minutes he was asleep with no crying (I did still sit there and rub his back). It's looking positive and I hope that he becomes a better sleeper.
I know it's hard because we have had good and bad, no horrible nights, but it's getting better. You and little one will both be much happier when she starts getting the rest she needs. If they are safe, sometimes they may have to cry for a moment to keep yourself calm and sane. Either way, you are doing a great job. Keep it up mama. Hoping that tomorrow night will be a much better night for you both.
Exactly. Sometimes we have to do whats right for them even if they seem upset. This one time wont do anything to her but let her rest and 10 min of crying in the grand design of things isnt a terribly long ammount of time. Better you leave her to cry for a few minutes than do something because you were at a breaking point KWIM.
Your logical mind is right! Your DD needed, needed, needed sleep and you needed a break. You did the right thing for everyone! Recognizing that you need a break is so important. Maybe this is a sign that you being around is too much stimulation for her to sleep. She may turn out to sleep better independently.
I hope she slept really well for you and you are feeling better!
you handled it perfectly.
i am really impressed with the way you recognized your "breaking points." we all have them. sometimes i find myself getting frustrated with my daughter and i can feel my body tensing and my hands clutching when i hold her. that's not good for anyone-- i'm tense, it makes her (even more) tense, no one's sleeping. as mamas we want to be able to overcome that feeling and be a boundless source of patience and compassion, but realistically-- that aint gonna happen. the best thing you can do when you feel like you are losing control is exactly what you did-- put baby down, and go into another room. honestly, i think in that situation it's a better option to not be there than to be there and be overstressed.
you did the right thing, mama.
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
You might try taking her to a chiropractor. Whenever DD isn't sleeping well (or, at all) we get an adjustment, and she's starts sleeping SO much better.
Hugs mama. It'll be okay.
Please don't torture yourself about this. She probably would have cried longer if you'd kept holding/walking/etc. Maybe she really just needed to be alone, too. And, I think this is a good example of how much pressure we put on ourselves as "AP" parents to do things by the book, like "No CIO, no matter what!" And our LOs just remind us again that we are not as in charge as we think we are.
Honestly, if DD would sleep after 20 minutes of CIO, I'd do it, and I don't think I'd regret it. We aren't to that place yet, but we're getting there. I have Ferber's book and am considering it.