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Stay at Home Moms
mixed feelings about leaving career
I lurk on this board occasionally...but as of today, I am officially one of you! I'm having some mixed feelings, so any encouragement from those of you who left a career you loved, I'd appreciate hearing your thoughts.
I taught middle school English for eight years at the same school, earned my Master's, loved my job but was never a workaholic. Last March, I had my DD, took the rest of the year off, and took the following school year (this school year) as a leave of absence. If I wanted my same job back in the fall of '11, it would be mine. I wanted the peace of mind to be able to be indecisive for a year. Deep down, I always wanted to SAH, but it was a decision I really grappled with. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't missed working, and financially we are going to be fine, but I had a hard time yesterday hitting "send" on the e-mails I had to write my principal and head of HR (Feb. 1 was my decision deadline). They wrote back with words of encouragement and appreciation for my years of service, but also with words like "resignation"...
The mom in me rejoices that I'll see DD's first steps, and that I'll be the one to kiss every boo-boo, etc. But another part of me is grieving for a part of my life that feels gone. It has kind of messed with my identity.
I know I've made the right decision and I know I will never regret it... I guess I feel sort of guilty that I still feel these mixed emotions after thinking about it for a year now. Sorry this got long!
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Re: mixed feelings about leaving career
It's a very personal and difficult decision for many of us. For me, it took some time for me to redefine who I was/am. A large portion of my life was my job. I worked long hours, traveled and well... it was what I "did" most of the week. I wouldn't say I was a workaholic either but let's face it, when you spend 40+ hrs doing something every week it becomes a big part of your life.
I would say that after 4-6 months I felt like I had my feet under me as far as taking care of the baby and having a routine and finally redefining who I was and who I wanted to be. There are still moments, even 3 years later, that I miss that part of my life. But, for me, the pros of staying home still outweigh the cons. So here I am.
I think what you're feeling is totally normal and not unexpected. No guilt necessary!
I think it is the finality of it that is really getting to you. I am also a teacher and it is the type of job that sticks with you. I know that I bring my work home with me. It happens when you work with children. Because of that, I think that work and family life tend to become very intertwined. I am sure it feels like a bit of a loss because it is really part of your identity. However, I know many teachers who took time off to stay home with their children. Just because you are taking the time now, does not mean that you cannot go back in 5-10 years. Just keep up your certification, stay active in your community, and volunteer in schools in order to stay relevant in the profession. Of all the teachers I know who took time off for their kids, not one of them regretted it.
I am in the EXACT same position as you are. I had DS last Nov., took off the rest of that school year and I am on an unpaid leave of absence for this school year. I do have the rest of this year to figure out what I want to do, but as of right now I am at a loss. I love being home with my kids, buuuuuut I am not sure if staying home full time is for me.
I am actually thinking about resigning and subbing in the same district 2 days a week and putting the kiddos in daycare on those days. Even if I wouldn't have work, they'd still go. That's just me personally. I need a little more structure to my days and a bit of "downtime" from my kids. ((Hugs)) I realize that this is not advice or encouragement, just a few words to let you know you're not alone.
THANK YOU for posting this! I have been a SAHM for only about a month and I am struggling with no longer working. I am so excited to have the opportunity to SAH but at the same time miss working. If I even so much as mention this I am made to feel like a bad mom and that I have no idea how lucky I am. ( I know I am lucky, but I miss my job and the adult interaction)
As much as I didn't want to go back - it was just as hard to announce it. I haven't regretted it at all. I had always made my own money and for the first time I had to depend on dh completely. However I am so glad I didn't go back to work.
I think it's hard when there are big changes and you are closing a door.
Although I'm not in teaching, I had similar feelings when I left my full time job. I ended up taking a position part time in my field but that I only have to commit 17 hours a week to. I can make my own hours, so it works out wonderful that my kids get to enjoy 1 on 1 time with their dad 8 hours a week and spend the rest of the time with grandparents.
Being at home doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you find yourself unfulfilled only being at home (there's nothing wrong with feeling that way), you can always look for something part time. In your field, perhaps you could tutor students a few hours a week to feel like you're keeping your career while being with your daughter for the majority of the time.
Good luck with your decision and I hope you enjoy your time at home.
"I think it is the finality of it that is really getting to you."
This is what I was trying to convey, so well said. I appreciate the support!
My principal (a woman in her late 50s with 3 adult children, and a TOTAL workaholic) e-mailed me back and told me she wishes she'd spent more time with her kids when they were young. She acknowledged my struggle with my decision and said that if we can swing it financially, I am absolutely making the right decision. That felt very validating and nice to hear from her.
Thanks again. I love this board!
I loved, loved, loved my job! I worked in a fabulous school district, in a small school (only pre-k to 2) and had devleoped a great reputation amongst admin & parents alike. It was so hard to officially resign, but in the end I knew in my gut it was the right decision for my family. (I also got PG again, so that made it that much easier). I wrote about my feelings a lot in my blog. (It's just below in my sig).
I won't lie. It took me about 1.5-2 years to really come to terms with this new life. I do somedays mourn the person I was. I really liked myself and my role as teacher. I do know however, these days with my girls are fleeting. Before I know it, they'll be in school themselves and most likely I can get back in the classroom.
GL and hang in there!
Those were the EXACT words my boss said to me when I resigned- she was a woman in her late 50s who was a workahaulic and I could tell regretted not having kids.
You sound just like me. I did the whole career with one place for years and got my MBA while I was there. I was in tears when I emailed my resignation letter. I won't lie it was a hard adjustment mentaly. There was something about getting up and going to work that I loved. I miss my friends at work but I don't miss the BS of work. I don't miss having a boss riding my ass, email wars, office politics, etc.
There will ALWAYS be time to work later. I had to come to terms with that. I had worked at the same place since I got out of college- had I not had kids I probably would have been a 'lifer' there. (there were many) But now that I am not working there I realize there are a million other places that I can eventually get a job at some day, it was just that I was comfortable there because it was what I knew.
Anyway, I am babbling. Congrats with your decision. These years will never happen again in you and your child's life. It is a wonderful thing to be here for all the moments.
Those were the EXACT words my boss said to me when I resigned- she was a woman in her late 50s who was a workahaulic and I could tell regretted not having kids.
You sound just like me. I did the whole career with one place for years and got my MBA while I was there. I was in tears when I emailed my resignation letter. I won't lie it was a hard adjustment mentaly. There was something about getting up and going to work that I loved. I miss my friends at work but I don't miss the BS of work. I don't miss having a boss riding my ass, email wars, office politics, etc.
There will ALWAYS be time to work later. I had to come to terms with that. I had worked at the same place since I got out of college- had I not had kids I probably would have been a 'lifer' there. (there were many) But now that I am not working there I realize there are a million other places that I can eventually get a job at some day, it was just that I was comfortable there because it was what I knew.
Anyway, I am babbling. Congrats with your decision. These years will never happen again in you and your child's life. It is a wonderful thing to be here for all the moments.