Need friend advice — The Bump
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Need friend advice

At the risk of sounding like a whining, woe-is-me person I am going to ask you guys your opinion of this. And no worries I have my big girl pants on and want your honest opinion. I have two very close friends from college. One lives in Valdosta (4hours from me) and the other outside of Tallahassee (5 hours from me). Valdosta has a 10 year old and 7 year old and Tally has a 6 year old and a new baby who will be 1 year old in March. The new baby will be 1 four days after Ava?s birthday. She asked when I was doing Ava?s birthday and it turned out to be the weekend she was wanted to do her kid?s but she changed it. Then Valdosta sends me an email asking if I would mind meeting them ? way instead of us going to everyone?s birthday parties. Now I know a kid?s birthday party isn?t that big of a deal but I have been to almost all of their kid?s parties over the past 10 years. I told her we can do that but I will be going to Tally kid?s party as well. She said forget it then. So today I get an email from Tally about something else and I asked her how she felt about Valdosta?s idea? She said I think it is a good plan b/c then we can spend more QT together. I get that but I can?t help but feel as if my kid is getting cheated b/c I have been to all of their kid?s parties. So I told her honestly I was offended that Valdosta would even ask that b/c of the above mentioned reasons. She responds by saying every time she talks to me it is always drama. I am sorry but when I feel as if my kid is being cheated I will say something. They could come to the party and then we could plan another weekend to get together.  Do you guys think I am over reacting? What would you do?

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Re: Need friend advice

  • Honestly?  I try to be as accomodating as possible when trying to coordinate scheudles with important friends that have kids.  I have a pretty large group of super close bff's.  Between the 12 of us I think we have 28 kids.  Some of us make it more of a priority than others for things like bday parties but I know that it doesn't mean they love me or my kid any less.

    Plus, mentioning that you have been to almost all of their kids bday parties over the past 10 years, since I think Ava is turning 2, (right? or 3?) that means for the most part you didn't have a child in the mix to juggle travel and plans.  I think that makes a difference.  I absolutely do not expect my 3 friends that live out of town to make a 4+ hour drive for my kids bday and vice versa.  Now, if it works out where they are somehow able to make it? Awesome.  But I don't expect it.

    I guess all that to say is I think meeting them halfway seems like a great compromise to me because the point is you would get to see each other an hang out. 

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  • I personally wouldn't ever get upset if out of town friends, especially those with kids, couldn't make it to a birthday party. I would meet them halfway and make it easier on all of you.
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  • I would chalk this one up to life. I am sorry you got your feeling hurt but, 4 hours for a birthday party is a LONG drive with kids. Honestly, it's awesome that you did it but, looking at the ages of Valdosta's kids it was before you had kids or only one. I can't imagine a 10 and 7 year old will think a first birthday is all that interesting.

    If it's about friendships I would just meet half way, enjoy the time and be done with it. You can't play the fair is fair games when it comes to this kind of stuff the older you get. One of my greatest friends lives in Claxton. If either of us mentions meeting half way and schedules align we jump at the chance. The older your kids get the busier the schedules. I think maybe you were being a bit sensitive about this one. 

  • Thanks ladies!  You really helped me put it into prosective.  I should consider that times are different but even if I had 3 kids I would be at all their kid's stuff.  I guess I just wanted the same in return.  I just keep telling myself birthday parties are really not that big of a deal but it still hurts. 

     

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  • I can definitely understand where you are coming from (I'm also the kind of person that I just make this kind of stuff a priority, even if it's a hassle)...but I've also learned over the years that you HAVE to let some of it slide.  They do still want to get together, and they are right that it would be more QT that way.  Hope you girls have fun together!
    Jack 3.5.07 / Ethan 9.17.08 / Lauren 4.3.11 image
  • Thanks for the advice ladies!  I have decided to meet them 1/2 way.  Times are changing and I just need to roll with the punches.  What is most important is that we see each other.  

     

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