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June 2011 Moms
helenejr
member
in a rut :( (long.....)
helenejr
member
So DH and i are in a bit of a rut, well maybe it's just me wanting a bit more attention and affection from him, i don't know, but it's starting to annoy me.
DH is a personal trainer, so he works from 4:30 every morning till about 2:30 every afternoon, then he gets home and preceeds to sit on his butt in the games room playing PS3 or watching DVDs. I work for 7:30 till about 4:30 - then head to the gym and get home around 5:40-6pm, i then fix dinner, clean up after dinner and get things ready for the next day at work before sitting down to relax in the lounge room.
So last night DH asks me why i've been a bit down lately, so i'm honest with him, and just say i don't feel like he is spending enough time with me, that i feel like even when we are home at the same time we aren't in the same room and all we do do together is head to bed at the same time.
So instead of trying to make it better, he gets the sh!ts and goes to bed without a word to me. I didn't even have the chance to say maybe you could help out a bit more before i get home so that we can do some fun things in the afternoon together.............. So he gets up to go to work this morning and just leaves - no kiss goodbye or the usual Love you have a good day.......
I just don't know what to do. I can't help but think maybe he feels left out of the whole pregnancy thing - but to be honest i've asked him to get involved and he just didn't seem interested....
advice? TIA
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Re: in a rut :( (long.....)
I am sorry you are going through this. Is there any way your husband can at least start dinner for you? In our house, my husband gets home at 4:30 and I don't get home until 6:30 or 7. Dinner is almost always waiting for me. When our schedules change and I am home earlier, I'll cook.
My husband isn't reading any of the books or anything. It upset me at first, but he's just not like that. I do feel like if my husband was not doing the awesome things he already does (ie cooking and getting me whatever food I want whenever I want it) I would be really peeved if he was in his man cave for hours at a time every day.
As it is, we have to make a commitment to eating dinner together every night we are both home and he does not leave the house w/out telling me he loves me. If I am irritated and say 'yeah, yeah.. whatever' he will not leave until I tell him I love him back. He keeps repeating it over and over again until I start laughing.
I think you should talk to your husband again. Maybe while you are eating dinner you can watch one of his favorite movies or something to get him out of his game room?
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Your daily routine will change quite a bit once LO comes along, it is going to be quite a switch.
Maybe you could ask him what upset him so much. Asking him to help around the house may be one thing, though I know my DH does need time to decompress after work, and isn't ready to jump into stuff at home immediatly (he works 5am to 1:30). He might just need to know that you're not talking "doing stuff around the house from the time he gets home until you do" but that maybe if he took care of dinner a few nights a week that the two of you would have the chance to do something different in the evenings, and that you would like to spend more time with him.
Sounds like there might be something else or more that he is upset about, or maybe he thought that you were asking for him to do everything in his "down" time, and not just a few things to help out. So what you thought you were asking and what he thought you asked was two totally different things.
Good luck! It may just be a miscommunication, and sitting down and talking about how both of you feel might help resolve it all.
thanks ladies
yeah i guess over the last little while i have let him get away with being a bit lazy because i know things will change when bub comes along - but i guess i just need that one on one time with him because i know that it's going to change alot when the baby is born and we won't have the time to do things - I've explained this to him once before but like most men i guess he takes it on board for about a week and then forgets we even talked about it.....
he's not into reading baby books, and i can understand that i know he is not that kind of guy but a bit of extra personal attention is all i ask - even if it just means sitting down and chatting to me while i make dinner....... i don't care of he helps or not, i just care that he spends every spare second in his man cave........
i guess i'll just have to be a bit clearer when i talk to him...
Good luck! My only advice is to keep it in the how you feel, and make sure that it doesn't seem like an attack. Let him know that you feel like you would like to spend more time with him, that it would mean a lot to you, that even if it is just chatting to you while you're making dinner, that you would enjoy the company. Focus on the positive and make sure that he doesn't feel like you're attacking what he needs/feels. Just stay positive and tell him how much you enjoy his company.