How do you keep hope alive?

heathergirl67 · January 2011

I know that we've all faced so many disappointments in our efforts to concieve. I really feel like the best thing for me would be to remain positive and hopeful. But I'm having a really hard time doing that. After endless disappointments, I've begun not allowing myself to get my hopes up. Instead of thinking, "My boobs hurt, maybe that means I'm pregnant" I think "My boobs hurt, my period must be coming soon." I recognize that it's a tactic to soften the blow of each new hurt. If I don't have my hopes up too high then I don't fall as far.

But that negative attitude is affecting other areas of my life. I want to be hopeful and positive, but whenever I try it makes me feel scared and vulnerable. Is this something that you've gone through too? Do you have any tips for me? Or just care to commiserate?

ColindaP · January 2011

I've been subscribing to the theory of the higher they fly, the harder they fall for a while now. And what I've learned is that the ground isn't always where you thought it was anyway - sometimes it's lower. (A la assuming I'd get pg with the IVF cycle since I "always" get pg, and I didn't.) I try to walk the neutral, realistic line just because I know that no, this *doesn't* have to happen. And it might very well not. Trying to convince myself I will be one of the victors of this battle just feels so....fake. It'll either happen or it won't. And that is that. My brain gnomes are scratching at my pessimism lobe more than my optimism one these days, though.

Obviously, I was going for commiseration instead of help.

butterfly843 · January 2011

This year I promised myself to try and be more positive for my new years resolution. I have been so negative the longer we have been trying and it's been bringing me down and I haven't wanted to go out with friends or anything. I have been doing a pretty good job staying positive so far this year, I have had a few down days but not as many as usual. I have been putting a lot of hope in our upcoming fet cycle and just trying to keep telling myself it will happen.

KristysRedBarn · January 2011

I'm trying to be positive and hopeful in the things that I can control. More like neutral in the things I can't. I also recognize that ttcal is a rollercoaster ride and hope goes along with you on that ride. Sometimes it's a high, sometimes a low. Lighting the candle in my "Hope" glass has been helpful and a good reminder, but ehhh, I don't push it.

hopefulelise · January 2011

It depends on the day. Some days I feel really hopeful, other days I have to fight to keep that feeling alive inside of me. It's hard, you are not alone. I think everyone is different. For me, writing about my feelings is very therapeutic. Also, quotes help me. A lot of different little things combined have been my saving grace.

((hugs))

babes12 · January 2011

exactly how i feel. i find it so difficult to have hope and just dread the 2ww b/c i know how it most likely end. and i too feel very vulnerable when i start to feel alittle hope or even want to feel hope. My DH tells me all the time that i have to remain positive but it's so hard month after month, loss after loss to stay positive.

for the first time in a long time i feel a tad hopeful b/c we did something different for the first time this cycle going w/ IUI and injectables. so we'll see! but it's a contant mind battle, part of my mind tells me the odds are stacked against me and the other part tries to talk my brain into saying it can happen etc... and the nasty cycle continues.

(((HUGS)))

millejj1 · January 2011

I hear it too. I don't have a magic answer just hugs.

GuppyAmy · January 2011

No real answers except some days I feel so much more hopeful then others, like I can think about the future with a baby and then other days I just figure it will me, dh, and the dog forever. Good luck!

LilMaggs · January 2011

I could have written that post, it's exactly what I'm feeling. I can't get excited about the 2ww. I just can't. Why take a pg test when all I'm going to see is a BFN?

mdm2137 · January 2011

It is very difficult to stay positive. I have days where I feel like things are going to work out, and days where I want to cry and punch things. It's a roller coaster. I don't really have any advice, just try to make time for things you enjoy and don't let TTC run your life (so much easier said than done!). ((hugs))

Olive44 · January 2011

I've been working on this since the new year. Not so much my optimism, but more so just acceptance of what I cannot change. I've struggled with not having control over this situation, so I'm working on accepting the fact that I don't have control over what will happen. And trying to focus on what I do have, not what I'm lacking. I feel much more at peace since I've given up that control, and, in turn, somehow it does affect my optimism. I just feel like everything will work out somehow.

cutebride73 · January 2011

I'm trying to stay positive - it's really hard some days. I know I have a lot of hopes resting on this IVF cycle, and I worry what will happen if it doesn't work. I am trying to keep a balance from not getting too excited, but I also want to put positive energy out there, that it is possible that things will work out.

Pixiestx · January 2011

I've had a really hard time keeping positive at times. Just a couple weeks ago I had a major break down b/c I was feeling so defeated. I've found that I need those down times once in a while to release all the fear I try to hide and not think of. Even when I'm hopeful I always talk in terms of maybe to keep a balance.

ColleenS629 · January 2011

I'm feeling the same way this month. We have to decide whether we're doing IUI or IVF next month and I keep thinking about it/ talking about it like I am sure we will get there. I know there's a chance that this IUI worked, but I just assume that I'll see a BFN because that's what I'm used to. I let my hopes get up last month with my first injects/ IUI cycle and I was crushed when it didn't work.

triple_sevens · January 2011

I went into a really dark place over the summer, but once we started working with an RE I was able to regain some hope. So at the end of each cycle, I'd just think to myself, "Well, next month we'll try this and that might work." Or I'd think, "I have a great doctor who's going to help me solve this problem." And that would help, too. I regained SO much optimism about life in the four months since we started working with our doctor, and I also regained my ability to focus on the things outside of TTC that make me happy.

Trying the same thing over and over and over again (and failing over and over and over again) wore me down so much, but having a professional on board to help and trying some different things helped get me on the track to having my life back.

Fififa21 · January 2011

The only thing that gets me through each day is my faith, but I know not everyone believes in God. So aside from that, help from my husband, family, friends, and just telling myself that I WILL be a mom one day. But it?s difficult to always stay positive and have hope. The Bump is a big help too. And we are all here for you!

mrs.pooks · January 2011

((hugs)) i dont have any magical answers, because it depends on which day of the week you ask me, honestly. at times i have so much hope i am bursting at the seams, other days i feel like i don't have a chance in hell and i can hear the clock and it's ticking LOUD. i have realy been truing though to make an effort to still hold out hope!

Court1 · January 2011

Um, I feel you. I can't help, but I'm with you. Some days it feels like a lost cause to get my hopes up. And the disappoinment sure does hurt more when I've let myself hope.

How do you keep hope alive?

Re: How do you keep hope alive?

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