Kinda a follow up to "At A Loss"
::Deep breath::
So, last night SD was watching TV in our room while DH was playing a game in the living room, after DS had gone to bed. I went in there to check on her and I hear her scream, "I'm going to KILL you!" I went in there super fast and asked her what was going on. After several lies and half truths, it turns out that the cat was under the bed and SD wanted to play with him, so she grabbed onto his tail and tried to yank him out. He freaked and scratched her hand, leading to her outburst.
The scratch on her hand is negligible, and didn't even bleed. SD KNOWS how ot handle animals, and KNOWS that pulling the cats tail will hurt him.
This is just the latest incident that is showing me SD has serious anger issues, likely related to BM's anger issues (which involve yelling/hitting/throwing things etc.)
This morning, SD was playing with a toy and DS toddled over and tried to take it from her. She yells, "No!" and pushed him down. Hard enough that I heard him thump on the floor. We had a LONG talk about this that involved punishment chores and talking about how to treat others (not just the baby, but everyone)
Advice? Anyone in a similar situation? Apparently, without a third party witness or obvious bruising we can't do anything about BM yelling/hitting SD. She also "pops" SD in the mouth when she says something BM doens't like.
I'm not only worried about what my SD is going through now, I'm terrified about what kind of teenager/adult this will shape her into.
ANYTHING would be helpful. TIA.
Re: Kinda a follow up to "At A Loss"
I don't know the rules of your state or your CO, but we tried to put SS in counseling and we can't. BM must agree to counseling since we have joint legal custody.
We got around this by having SS see his school counselor. You can contact the school and tell the counselor what your SD has been telling you about abuse. Explain that you want the counselor to see her because you are concerned about her well-being, but being from a blended family your hands are tied to help her. The counselor will see her. This will help both of your problems. She will be getting help and the school counselor is a mandated reporter - so if SD talks about the abuse they have to call CPS.
If you have the same counseling obstacles we have - this could help you!
Ditto PP's. Counseling. Yesterday.
I'm actually really surprise you haven't gotten her in that already? You know what BM has been doing, and this has been going on for quite some time. I'm sure some of us have already said she more than likely needs to talk to someone about all of this and get her feelings out. Someone who isn't you guys.
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1) You can ALWAYS report suspected abuse to CPS and they have to investigate (if there are no bruises/marks there may not be any legal results of it, BUT they will be aware of the issue and investigate it. They can get further than you can).
2) Get her counseling, like, yesterday.
3) we are dealing with this with my Step Daughter, she is CONSTANTLY punching/hitting/yelling at/pushing her little brother (they are 19 months apart, she is 9 and he is almost 8). And I have told her that under NO circumstances is she to behave this way. She is punished severely for physical aggression (grounded, toys taken away, whatever) and she is not allowed to spend time along with the baby because of this (she has been told that when she can go at least a week without using physical aggression that she can have some play time with her sister, but until then she has to be supervised, she is aware of this).
Definitely get her into counseling. Also, as others have said, monitor her around DS for both of their safety. Imagine if she had an outburst and hurt DS what that would do to both of them.
Also, I think stay firm with your rules. Actions have consequences. If she does something inappropriate dole out the punishment (I can't remember how old SD is but I think chores are a great one). Try to give her options to let her anger out in a constructive way. SO's mother used to tell them to go outside and play ball until they'd worked all that energy out and could think clearly.
Good luck.