Intro and DH vent (Long)
Hi everyone, I've been a lurker on this board since I had my DD and I have found hope from seeing many of the posts.
To start off, I had a very rough labor with my DD. 2 days before my scheduled induction I began leaking fluids, so I went to L&D to get checked out and they said I had just "peed my pants." I knew this wasn't the case but what else could I do, so I went home. Flashforward to the next night, I started having an intense cramping in my back so we went back to the hospital. I was in labor but they tried sending me home once again because I was only 1 cm dilated; I refused to leave and called my OP to tell the hospital to keep me. I was having back labor and I couldn't even sit down to pee, I had to stand peeing in the shower (I know TMI, sorry). It was the most intense pain I have ever felt.
The next AM I got an epi, which worked for about an hour. they had to readminister the epi 3 times and even so it never really worked to make me comfortable. I was not progressing much so the Dr. came in to break my water, and low and behold, there was no fluid. I was right when I came in the day before, my water had in fact broke. Everything was a blur but I remember my OB getting very angry at the nurse for sending me home and I was instantly hooked up to extra antibiotics.
Finally, I was fully dilated and ready to push. I was so excited that we were finally at the end of the road and I was ready to put in the real work. Well I was pushing for almost 3 hours when the doctor said those dreaded words "I'm afriad that DD is caught on something and your fever is spiking (from the water being broke for almost 72 hours now) so it would be safest for you and LO if we had a c/s now."
I broke down crying as I was not expecting this, I was not prepared, and I so badly wanted a vaginal delivery. I was whisked away as soon as I gave the okay for a c/s, I felt nothing during the c/s, I remember hearing my DD's cry and thinking it was such a girly cry, they wouldn't even let DH bring the baby over to me so I experienced seeing my DD for the first time with a nurse. They wouldn't let me hold her (she also had a fever due to the whole water issue) and she was taken away into the NICU to get her fever down. I ended up needing a blood transfusion because they couldn't stop the bleeding and my DH said he has never been more scared in his life.
SHe is a healthy, beautiful baby now and I couldn't be happier. But I feel like I was robbed of a "normal" delivery. My OB made the right call so I don't fault him at all (her UC was wrapped around her neck twice and around her leg) but I just wish I could have had the delivery that I was hoping for.
DH and I are talking about our next LO and I amd etermined to go VBAC but my DH is trying to talk me out of it. He is concerned about all of the risks and says that he can't lose me. I understand his concern but I feel that it is ultimately my decision and he shouldn't try and coax me. He doesn't understand why I so badly want a vaginal delivery and tells me that it would be safer for all just to do a routine c/s, especially considering I experienced 24 hours of back labor just to end in a c/s...Hello, I'm the one who had to deal with that, not him, so if I want to go through that again then LET ME!
Of course a scheduled c/s would be easier, but I want to experience childbirth. I want to be the first to hold, kiss, see my child; I don't want some stranger to hold him/her over my head and then whisk them away.
I know this was very long so thanks for listening, I just knew that you women would understand more than anyone else.
Re: Intro and DH vent (Long)
What a frustrating experience...I'm so sorry that it all started with that one nurse who seemed to just not be competent enough.
I see where your DH is coming from. But I think you are a great candidate for VBAC. He is scared about your safety but it's just not well known that a repeat C-Section actually carries more risk for you than a VBAC. If you can show him this research combined with the statement that VBACs are a healthy option for most women I think he would come around. Of course, I know nothing about your DH but mine really responded well to this information and is now compeltely behind me in my decision.
I also reccommend watching the Business of Being Born...it's not really about VBACs but I think it puts some things in perspective.
I get that, and I'm sure most or all of us do, but your DH may never get that. Fortunately, he doesn't have to. If he's anything like my DH, emotional appeals aren't useful, but facts and figures are. The facts and figures are on your side. RCS is neither safer nor easier. VBAC is.
A c/s is only easier in the very short term. You pick a date and can plan around it. Everything else is harder. The recovery, especially when you're coming home to two kids, is harder. Having more children, if you eventually want more than 2, is harder. There's a higher risk of baby being born before he's ready, and that's harder on everyone! Just look at your own c/s, which had complications. Scheduling it doesn't make it any more of a sure, safe thing.
Hopefully you can convince him with some cold, hard facts. Of course, it is ultimately your decision, but it's wonderful to have him on your team if you can get him! Good luck!
I may get flamed for this, but I attempted a VBAC and had a uterine rupture so I really can understand both sides of the argument.
There are risks with both choices. I strongly agree with you that the ultimate choice should be yours, not his. He should respect your choice and fully support you even if he disagrees.
The risk of death for your baby is higher if you attempt a VBAC than if you have a scheduled c-section. I'm not sure about the risk of maternal death; you'd have to look up the stats on that.
Also, if you attempt a VBAC and fail, and end up with a long labor followed by a c-section, your recovery will be more difficult than with a scheduled c-section.
If you end up with a ruptured uterus, you will have an incredibly difficult and painful recovery. I was in daily pain for MONTHS afterward. I bled for 14 weeks straight, and continued to bleed with exercise until I was 8 months PP.
I was extremely lucky; both my son and I survived. But looking back on it, I made the wrong choice for me. Not because the VBAC was unsuccessful or because I had a rupture, but because I would not have survived the guilt if my son had died because I wanted to try for a vaginal birth.
The risk of maternal death for a repeat cesarean is over 3x as high as the risk of maternal death for a VBAC, according to the NIH.
Cori is right that if you attempt a VBAC and have a rupture or end up needing a repeat c/s for some other reason, that is the hardest and riskiest way to give birth. It's definitely something that everyone needs to consider when they think about VBAC. Having a cesarean after labor is always the least desirable way to give birth and it carries more risk for the mom, whether it was a VBAC attempt or not.
That said, an elective repeat cesarean has a lot of risks too. If you choose RCS instead of VBAC, you will be more likely to have a postpartum infection. You will be more likely to have another postpartum hemorrhage and need a blood transfusion again. You will be more likely to have an emergency hysterectomy. You will be more likely to have placenta problems like previa and accreta in future pregnancies and more likely to have cesarean-related complications in future births.
A VBAC has a risk of uterine rupture that is less than 1%. Other than that, it is like any other labor/vaginal birth. Most women who attempt VBAC will deliver vaginally and not have any problems. VBAC is the route that is most likely to end with everyone alive and healthy.
It's very important to remember that all of these risks are rare. Whatever you end up deciding, the most likely outcome is that everyone will be healthy. GL.
I would see if he is willing to meet with a doctor with you to hear both sides. A VBAC is MUCH safer for you if he is really concerned about that. A VBAC is SLIGHTLY riskier for the baby but on such a miniscule scale that in my mind (as a researcher who deals with statistics daily) it was not even on the radar. Of course there are always cases like Cori that had a negative (but healthy baby) outcome. I also know of cases where a baby was lost during a routine CS due to complications that wouldn't have been there in a VBAC. And I know of many cases of women dying due to complications from a CS (major surgery).
The bottom line is that we are ALL facing riskier births from having a previous CS. A woman who has never had a CS could still rupture her uterus (though obviously less likely than a CS mother) but there are much bigger risks that are more likely to happen to all of us than those that are listed for a VBAC.
Do a lot of research, speak to doctors that are open to either option (with your DH there) and make an EDUCATED decision that is right for you. I agree that the choice should be more yours because it is your body (and they would not allow and even suggest VBACs if they were unsafe). But it would be nice if you get DH on board with whatever you decide.
Thanks you so much iris. As usual, I totally agree with you.
I tried typing a response, but my computer froze & it ate my stupid post when I was about halfway through with it.
So, I've had OB experience as a nurse in high risk hospitals in 3 different states...I've only seen one uterine abruption in all my years of experience, and it wasn't a "planned" VBAC patient. She was preterm & extremely high risk. To further agree with iris, your chances of abruption are almost the same as a virgin uterus (a ute without any sort of integrity problems from prior surgeries) if you wait the recommended amount of time between deliveries--at least 24 months gives you the lowest chances.
I have not only researched VBAC, repeat c/s, etc for work, but for myself as well. I have spoken w/countless doctors & perinatologists, and they have all spoken with the same agreement to the research. Do your own research & find an OB or MW that you feel comfortable discussing these things with. I would set an appt (closer to the time you & DH would like to TTC), and bring DH with you. He needs to be present to voice his concerns, and get his questions answered. I find that most men need to have the one-on-one interaction to have questions/concerns addressed. Arm yourself with research & formulate your own questions.
Also, give yourself & your DH time to recover from the delivery of your LO. It seemed like a pretty intense delivery situation. I am truly very sorry for the care you received. I'm in total agreement w/your OB in regards to the testing for amniotic fluid, etc. We test ANYONE who thinks they're leaking fluid...even if we think they've peed. I am very sad they didn't test you. I can't really speak beyond that.
To coribecca: I do not want to flame you for your experience. I only want to say that I am sorry you had a rough experience. I'm glad both you & your son are well now. Yes, there are risks with each type of delivery, and some risks are higher. Thank you for prefacing your story with the support the OP needs. Iris already stated the stats I would have said, so no need to repeat that. To be totally honest, I have only had one VBAC rupture, but I have seen other maternal mortalities that were CS related (primary & repeat), vaginal delivery (not VBAC) related, and post-delivery complications.
It is scientific fact that experience trumps statistics in majority of cases. Sorry that you had that kind of experience, but thank you for sharing your birth story.
Trevor Calvin 12.10.07 7:26pm 7lbs2.5oz 19.75in
Emerson Claire 07.07.11 11:34am 7lbs7oz 20.5 in