Can someone please explain to me the meaning of "birthing experience"
mtnrider
member
I am on a couple other boards and recently the issue of c-section guilt has been discussed. I am at a complete loss because I have no idea why these women feel guilty or what they are talking about when they say they felt "robbed of the birthing experience". Will someone please explain this to me? I had a c-section and it was wonderful to be able to deliver my baby quickly and relaxed (after waiting 41 weeks to meet him!) I can't even imagine how miserable it would be to go through a long, drawn out, difficult vaginal delivery, especially a failed induction. My surgery was fast and uneventful and in less than an hour I was back in the recovery room breastfeeding my DS. And my recovery from the c-section was so easy, I was up and running around the hospital the next day and went home with nothing more than Motrin for the pain. So why do some women regret having c-sections and what on earth is this so-called birthing experience that they feel robbed of? Isn't it enough that they have a healthy baby? Why does it matter how they get here as long as they get here! I just don't get it!
Re: Can someone please explain to me the meaning of "birthing experience"
Not sure, I can only guess that they feel a vaginal birth is some sort of women's right of passage...? Most probably don't expect to have "a long, drawn out, difficult vaginal delivery" or failed induction and instead expect to have an empowering womanly experience. It sounds like your C-section experience was just that, which is awesome! There are numerous possible complications with C-sections that some are worried about. I personally am a little scared to have a C-section, primarily because it's (semi-major) abdominal surgery (I have never had surgery before at all). But, I am also nervous that this birth will be worse than my 1st, but I have faith it will be much better.
Some view vaginal birth as healthier for both mom and baby (if there is a choice, obviously). Some feel that C-sections are being forced upon many women when they aren't necessary, which make them even more scary. Maybe the issue is choice and control and some imagine they will have more of both in a "natural"/vaginal birth. At the end of the day as long as both mom and baby are healthy and safe, the way it all happened doesn't much matter.
I had a natural birth with my dd and LOVED my experience. It was transformative in SO many ways. To be able to use my body in the way it was designed to be used was just empowering. A womans body is uniquely designed to grow a baby, and bring it forth. Its a beautiful thing. To me- it DOES matter. Im looking forward to birthing again with all my heart. Birth is the inevitable climax of making love. Theres just something special about pushing a baby forth from your body, the adrenaline rush after, NOTHING beats that feeling. NOTHING.
Of course the healthy baby is the obvious desired outcome, but I do care how they get here. I would be prepared to fight tooth and nail to get the birth experience I physically and emotionally need.
Some people care about how they get married too and that's how I try to explain it to people that may not understand.
I think moreso than guilt, I feel frustrated by my provider(s) and how choices are being taken away from women more and more every year when it comes to something so natural as childbirth.
So I guess it's a big "to each their own".
I guess I can see why some women would feel a little cheated. I have witinessed 5 different births(all vaginal) and each one was the most beautiful thing/event that I have ever seen. Well and been a part of. I think they just wanted to be able to deliver their babies like our bodies where intended to.
I had a vaginal birth, but if my first child came into this world via c-section, I don't think I would feel cheated. The way I think of it is, yes women are supposed to be built for childbirth but sometimes womens bodies are not made that way or medical reasons change that. The doctors are there to ensure that you and your baby get through labor alive, safe and as healthy as possible. I would much rather get a c-section then risk losing my baby or losing my life and leave my baby motherless.
My son's delivery was by emergency c-section, in the middle of the night. I had quickly developed pre-e and HELLP Syndrome at 41w5ds. Because my son was so "old", he'd had a bowel movement before being born and he had meconium in his throat. The doctors would not let him cry as they worked to remove the meconium. Because of his risk for infection, they admitted him to the NICU. They told me he'd be there for 48 hours, but after 12 hours of monitoring, they moved him into the regular nursery.
After delivery, I was taken back to L&D for 40 more hours. Thirty of those hours were on a magnesium drip. It was horrible. My blood pressure was through the roof. The automatic blood pressure cuff took a reading every five minutes. I went home with bruises that covered my entire right arm from elbow to shoulder and they took six full weeks to heal. I did not get to hold my son until he was 28 hours old because I was so sick. And yah, and remember, my DH was in Iraq. Sadly, this is the abridged version. . . My birthing experience, from which all I had hoped for was a healthy baby, was miserable.
I can see how women, who embrace the idea of pushing and delivering their newborn but are not able to, mourn the loss of what was not to be. Letting go of an idea can be difficult, especially when it is something as emotional as the delivery of their child. And it is often a situation where the mom has little control of the situation.
Wow. I don't want to be too pushy and ask why the doctor wanted to do a c/s if there wasn't any danger. IMO I don't think that women should "have" to get a c/s if there is not any danger, it should be an option but not forced. I think I would be a little pissed actually. Im sorry if I sounded rude about the subject, it really wasnt my intention.
And I guess it also brings to the foreground why some women may have "guilt" about a c/s when it wasn't necessary b/c then people wonder why they didn't just say no to it at the time. So many aspects of my L&D frustrate me in hindsight. Heck, I even went home after a 3 night induction earlier that week b/c of PIH, so I felt well-educated and spoke up for myself and my DS, but at the end of the real labor experience I was just too exhausted to think and trusted my midwife. Wonder why I'm getting a doula this time?
I hope that helps give some perspective, even though it's just my experience. And I'm not offended, it just hits on some of the negative emotions around my "birth experience".
I think I would have been pretty upset to if I were in your shoes or in any other ladies shoes who had a c/s that was not nessessary,
Yes, the ultimate goal is a healthy mother and child. But for many women, myself included, the experience is also important. I imagined this intimate experience of my husband and I being able to see our child be born, to hold him and touch him right away, nurse him... I wanted to feel what it was like to birth my child, just as my mother and grandmother, and billions of women before me have felt.
Instead, I had what I believe to be a necessary (but non-emergency) c-section. We didn't get to see the intense miracle of our son emerging from my body. I had to wait to see all his fingers and toes, and touch him. The intimate experience occured with a handful of doctors and nurses under glaring, bright lights.
My experience wasn't entirely awful. I have the beautiful memory of my husband bringing Linus over to me while they stitched me up, the two of us staring at our son together. And fortunately, they got us back to our room with our son about an hour after he was born. Some women have to wait four hours or more, to see their own child that they've been carrying every moment for the previous nine months, I can't imagine how that must feel. I do think my MW made the right decision, and that I got really good care, but my recovery was rough. My incision got infected after I got home, and I was in more pain in my 2nd and 3rd week at home than when I initially left the hospital. Although a c-section is a routine surgery, it is still a major surgery that carries risks.
My biggest complaint/worry is for our next pregnancies. With one c/s, the liklihood for another increases. And with each subsequent c/s, the risks of the surgery and pregnancy are worse. You are being sliced open and sewed back together in the same area over and over... After two or three sections, some providers will encourage you to not have anymore children. I'm scared that I'll have to have a second c/s and the choice of the number of kids I have will be taken away from me. I know that I'm going to have to be diligent to be able to have a chance at VBAC.
Okay, I'm going on and on. In the end, I have a beautiful baby boy who is healthy and happy. But that doesn't keep me from wishing things had went differently, and hoping that I will be able to experience a vaginal delivery in the future.
I just want to give you a world as beautiful as you are to me.
Ummm... my anesthesia didn't work. I felt my whole c-section when the OB decided to start cutting without asking if the highest dose of epidural was working. I was never offered an epidural.
I screamed and threw up the whole time.
So yeah, I'd say the experience was important to me. To be able to avoid that would have been amazing. Great that you had a wonderful experience. Not everyone else does.
I'm not sure what's so difficult to get. I had a traumatic birth w/ DS. I had an emergency c/s due to HELLP. I was very ill, DS had to come out right away. I didn't labor. I didn't even get to be awake for the birth of my son. I had to be put under because my blood wasn't clotting well enough to get an epidural. My DH and I weren't able to share the experience of DS being born. He heard him cry down the hall while I was still knocked out in the OR. I woke up drugged up and spent the next 24 hours so out of it from my meds that the first day of DS's life was a blur. My HELLP condition got worse after DS was born and I was in the hospital for 6 days until they got it under control.
I feel robbed of the birth experience. Hell, I feel robbed of just being awake for my son's birth. I wish I had a positive c/s experience. Yes I am grateful for my life-saving c/s. Who wouldn't be? But that doesn't mean that one can't also be sad about the way my son was born and what I missed out on.
I'm glad that you had such a positive c/s experience. If I have to have a repeat c/s I hope mine is more like yours. Although I'm hoping for a vbac. But, just because your birth experience was a positive one, you can't assume that's the case for everyone else.
I'll pretend I don't see your thinly veiled judgment here and just say I'm glad your c section went well. Mine was miserable. The recovery pain was far worse than any contraction, the spinal went too high and I couldn't feel to breathe or move my mouth. I hard time breathing, couldn't nurse right away, couldn't hold her. My arms were numb, and I had tingling down my spine (and continue to) for months afterwards. I still cant' feel large sections of my stomach 3 years later. I couldn't get up to care for Josephine. the list goes on and on.
But my labour? It was awesome. I went to the hospital at 8 cm and really didn't experience much pain. It was easy and fun and I watched a lot of "the office". I had a lot of laughs with my midwives, and I felt very much in control. And then her little heartrate hit 210 and suddenly it was an emergency and scary and numb and everything fun went away.
So, to me, its about getting that exciting experience back. That's why I'm planning an HBAC with the next one. Here's hoping.
I want to have a healthy, happy baby. That is my ultimate goal. 100%, hands down, that's what I want. However, every woman has a different view of childbirth than another. I don't know that any woman wants the exact same thing. Some don't care if it's vaginal or c/s, others want a vaginal birth for various reasons, and some only want c/s for various reasons. It's not something everyone will understand at all the time.
My mom had me and my brother vaginally. After a placental abruption at 33 weeks, she was knocked out and my sister was taken via emergency c/s. She had issues with it for a long time. Even at 7-years-old I remember it. And I remember thinking as I got older, "come on, Mom! You got sister out and despite some scares, is doing great now! Time to move on!" I felt that way when I had DS (vaginally, BTW). I didn't care how he was born. Just get him out safely. To be honest, even after that I didn't understand why people cared so much. And then something happened to totally change my perspective.
I went into this pregnancy assuming a vaginal birth. Every doctor in my practice was on board with it, and then at 35 weeks I got a phone call telling me that they all changed their minds and that they're making me have a c/s. I've had not quite 2 weeks now to process this, and I'm not handling it well. There are SO MANY thoughts going through my head and I can't pinpoint even what my biggest issue is. Here are some things going through my head: "why wasn't my body made to do this?" "Why was this choice to have a less-invasive birth taken away from me without notice and without any of my say? It's my body!" "I want to have to WORK to have my baby. I don't want to be just an incubator." I know that the last one isn't true, deep down, but it's something I'm struggling with anyway. I'm being totally honest, that's the good, bad, and ugly of it. And there are other thoughts in there that I can't even put into words. I immediately called my mom when I heard the news, because I knew she would understand, and she does. And she has also been my biggest supporter through this past couple of weeks.
So my final thought...I don't think everyone will always understand. I never thought I would. And I totally GET it now. And to tell the truth, I kind of hope you never do completely get it. But I do hope that you can have some sympathy for it at some point. And despite any kind of disappointment one may have, I can guarantee that all of us still do have that one goal at the end...to have a happy, healthy baby. That doesn't mean that some of us may mourn our thought of a perfect birth experience.
I'm sorry, but I think that's kind of a bunch of BS. If a woman isn't grown up enough to ask questions and find out if choices are being made for her unnecessarily, then she should have rethought being a mother.
I almost had to have a c/s. DD was super stuck, and it took 30 mins of my OB pulling with a vacuum and me pushing to get her out... but, I asked questions, I found out if she was actually in danger at that point. I didn't want a c/s, but not because I thought I'd be robbed of some experience, I just didn't want my 24 hours of labor to be for nothing! My OB was great, and he did what he could to help me have a vaginal birth.
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
That's the most ridiculous statement I have heard in a long time. Way to make ASSumptions. In my case, and in all the cases I know of my friends, questions were asked, and were asked from the beginning. Many, many, many times you don't realize until after the fact that the c/s was done unnecessarily. Decisions to have a c/s are made quickly, and women are told that time is of the essence. You're scared into getting the baby out quickly, and most importantly safely. The doctor says it's an emergency, and you believe them because your maternal instincts kick in. Wow.
Want a lolly? I mean... are you serious with this bullshit?
It sounds like you had a number of factors working in your favor. #1, you made it to second stage labor. A lot of "urgent, non-emergent" unnecessary cesarean sections happen for FTP - and women get it laid on thick. You've been in labor for x hours. Your water has been broken for x hours. This is dangerous. This is risky. Of course women are going to consent to cesareans if they're being led to believe (by whatever method) that continuing to labor is going to cause problems for them or their baby. #2, you were in second stage labor for 30 minutes. Some women don't get so lucky. They push for an hour. Two. Three, if they're lucky. If the baby doesn't come out in some pre-determined amount of time, they get the CPD/stuck baby/this is risky, this is dangerous diagnosis or lecture. Of course they're going to consent to c/s.
And do-do brain... if you had ended up on the operating table... if your 24 hours of labor had been for nothing... if you'd felt sad about not having the vaginal birth you desired? That's the "robbed of some experience feeling."
Fuckings moron.
I really think that is the single must narrowminded, asshatted comment I have EVER seen on The Bump, and I'm not exaggerating.
Here's your prize.
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
This sentence on its own is evidence that you are a complete and total moron. Coupled with the rest of your response, the stupidity is overwhelming.
Are you for real? How about when a doctor tells you that you absolutely have to have your baby as soon as possible or one or both of you might die, and you only find out later that an immediate c/s isn't actually the standard of treatment in your case? What should someone do in that situation, so that you still think them worthy of motherhood, oh wise one?
I felt robbed because I was mislead by my OB! She told me all along that both of my twins were breach so I could not have a vaginal birth. I was concerned about having a spinal from day one because I have back problems (herinated disc right in the area the give the spinal) and she swore up and down it would be fine. Well, I went into labor on a saturday night and she wasn't on call. So another OB came in and while they were preparing me she asked why i opted for c/s. I explained I had no choice since they were breach. After an hour over 25 attempts to get the spinal in my back and me SCREAMING in pain, they told me they had to be me under general. I woke up not knowing what happened and flipping out because I didn't know where my babies were. I didn't meet my children until they were over an hour old. I found out the next day my babies were NEVER breach and I didn't have to have a c/s.
A year later I was having another baby but because I had already had c/s and it was a short time span no one in the area would do a VBAC. Again, I had go be put under general for my c/s. I woke up and with the damn breathing tube in! They refused to take it out because I was under for so long. About 20 minutes later they took it out and told me the baby was fine but I couldn't see him until they brought me back to maternity. They said maybe in an hour. he was born at 8:35am and I didn't meet him until after 12pm. I gave them instruction not to let anyone other then my husband hold him because I should be the first hold him. Wouldn't you know there was my stupid FIL's gf holding my son.
So I feeled robbed, I didn't hear them say It's a ....boy or girl or hear them cry for the first time.
Hey look ladies! This thread just gave birth to a thundercvnt! Whew. That was a tough one. I'm really glad I'm not drugged up on epidurals or spinals or any of that crazy laughing gas. I'm really glad I got to read this and fully comprehend the stupidity. Makes it so much better.
You are a piece of shiit. That's all.
Whoa... Are we grown-ups here? There have been some very uneducated comments here but insults and swearing are not going to help.
To answer the OP's question... Many woman are going into the birthing experience completely trusting the OB to make the right decision. Most OB's are trained to look at the birth process as a formula rather than a different process for every woman. The outcome of this thinking process in our country has led to c-section overuse. If "b" doesn't follow "a" then something must be wrong... so then they "up your pitocin" or "break your waters"... Then if labor doesn't progress within their timeframe of the formula they may assume that the baby is in distress which may lead to a instrument birth or c-section. Many times the OB may call for a c-section when it is not necessary because it is the safest choice for him when it comes to liability. However they usually tell the mother it's because "the baby's in distress." I'm not condemning the OB's but rather the system. If you would like a quick informative way to know more about the "birth experience" I would recommend that you watch "The Business of Being Born" or https://www.reducinginfantmortality.com/ and if you'd like more in-depth material consider reading "The Thinking Woman's Guide To A Better Birth." The C-section rate in our country is 32.9%. The World Health Organization said that there is no justification for a country's cesarean rate to be over 15%. I could give you more disturbing facts, but what it comes down to is that because of our highly developed medical system many mothers are alarmed that the cesarean rate is on the rise when instead the opposite should be happening.
We,mothers, educate ourselves and yet still find that often we are coerced into a birth experience that is unnatural and unneeded. We're not trying to find the birth experience that WE want, but the one that is healthiest for our child and ourselves. After all, we're all mothers here and I would hope that no women wants a natural unmedicated labor for selfish reasons...that would be sick...It's painful! As you can see I have not yet had any children of my own, but I have been at many births, and I have seen the pain, so you can write me off as innocent and unknowing if you want. It would be easier for me to opt for a c-section, but I am choosing a natural vaginal birth because in my research and experience that is what will be best for me and my children. Of course, if the emergency need arises I will have a c-section and am very glad that I live in a country where that is an option.
I'm very glad that you had a positive birth experience, but please read more before you think less of women who have been "robbed of their birth experience..." I do believe as many women do that the medical system in this country is viewing pregnancy as a disease instead of the normal, natural and healthy process it was designed to be, and this is why we feel robbed. I hope this helps answer your question. Sorry about the length of this reply...
Jeez, I go away for a couple hours and....
Clearly many of you didn't understand my question; I wasn't asking why a c-section isn't the desired method for delivery, and I'm sorry for those of you who had bad experiences because that had to suck. But thanks to those of you who tried to explain the meaning of "birth experience" to me, I think I understand a little better what people mean by that term even though I can't relate.
As for *Jennessey*, you win the award for the most useless response...do you enlighten the Toddler 24Months+ board with your drivel too? And to the rest of you who didn't bother responding to my question and just jumped on the drama train...wow, what the hell happened to this thread? What PurpleK26 wrote was ridiculous, but that's obviously a topic for a different thread since it had nothing to do with my question, so enjoy your birth board, ladies...I'm going back to my normal (and by that I mean regular AND non-psycho) board!
Sorry but you don't get to back track now. You didn't justpost a question asking for a definition of birth experience. Your post reeked of judgment.
You asked, and I quote: "So why do some women regret having c-sections and what on earth is this so-called birthing experience that they feel robbed of? Isn't it enough that they have a healthy baby? Why does it matter how they get here as long as they get here! I just don't get it!"
Your words sting for many c/s mothers who have to deal with negative feelings after their births because they are told "all that matters is a healthy baby" and that they should be happy that everyone is alive and well.
You can go back to your normal board, but don't pretend that you weren't judging in your original post.
You sure are a first time mom.
I think it's just what it says: a birth experience.
your birth experience was positive. you had a good experience with surgery, you were not opposed to it, you went in and were able to meet your baby within an hour (all things that were probably on your birth plan if you had one). you had a good recovery. it sounds like you had a very easy time having your baby and that is WONDERFUL. No matter how the baby came out.
on the other hand, some women do not have positive experiences (either with C/S or vaginal births) and it often has less to do with how the baby emerged than it does with how they were stripped of their own choices in the matter. if given her choice, no mother is going to choose her own "birth experience" over the health of the baby. but it's not always clear that there is danger to the baby.
I think you said it all when you said that you'd rather have a scheduled C/S than go through a failed induction. A failed induction is a perfect example of having a negative birth experience.
I am so glad you had a positive birth experience. Please don't judge others who feel that they didn't. Their feelings are just as valid as yours. and when someone says that they regret that they had a C/S, it's not a judgement on your own experience, only on what they went through themselves.
I know I do... I am, but I should have explained that I've already been through major abdominal surgery(7inch incision, 10lb tumor removed, left ovary removed), so I've been there done that, and surgery doesn't actually scare me like it probably should.