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Babies on the Brain
mrs_b_2007
member
so, am I going to eat my words?
mrs_b_2007
member
Be honest.
Because I really don't understand why people think it's a BAD thing to that your baby needs to be rocked to sleep when he/she is 4 months old. Or that your baby likes to be held.
Call me crazy, but don't most people *want* to hold their baby? Isn't that sort of why you have one? So that you can hold & snuggle with it? Why does my parents generation think it is such a BAD thing that your baby wants to be held? Why is that considered spoiling?
I feel like the period of time you can hold & snuggle them is already so short - don't you want to cherish that for the limited time you can?
Am I going to be eating my words in a few months when my kid wants to be snuggled and I will apparently wish I was doing something better...?
Please enlighten me. Because if I hear my Mom biitch about my nephew who is 4 months old & "spoiled" because he gets held too often - I'm going to scream.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: so, am I going to eat my words?
You cannot spoil a newborn, but at some point you will want them to be able to figure out how to play independently and sleep on their own. Often, if you're rocking to sleep and it becomes total habit for them, when they wake at night, you will need to rock, and it becomes a cycle that is difficult to break.
We tried to get them to fall asleep on their own from a very early point and I'm very glad we did.
If you need to eat your words then I'm gonna need to eat mine too. A LOT of the talk about spoiling stemmed from 70's and 80's anti-coddling parenting methods (plus BabyWise) which have been totally debunked.
No baby under the age of 4 mos (at the BARE minimum) should be left to their own devices to CIO, but the bottom line is that you will be doing what is best for your kid and if the kid needs to be rocked, then so be it.
I nursed/rocked Henry to sleep until he was almost two. Some nights it was a pain but I'd love to rock him to sleep tonight and he's too "big."
I'm sure I'll do the same with Bennett.
I'm of the mind that I can't get enough of my little boy. I've had him for thirteen months and I still feel the same way - if I have the opportunity to hold him, I will and I do.
I don't get it either.
As a sidenote: SIL posted on FB a while back that nephew "needs to start going to bed at night without being rocked."
Um, wtf? He was 15 months old at the time. SIL isn't there to rock him to sleep half the time (because of work) and what the hell is wrong with having a routine for your kid that includes reading a book and rocking him at that age? This was one of the many "I wish he would grow up and not be so needy" moments that I have to really stop myself from ripping her a new one on facebook.
I also don't understand why she pawns her kid off on family every.single.weekend since he was just weeks old (and I'm talking at like 2 weeks he spent the weekend at MIL's house). What is the point in having a child if you're going to hand him off at every possible moment? But that's an entirely different subject.
I just don't understand why it's SUCH a bad thing. *shrugs*
apparently there are a zillion things parents miss out on when they have to rock their kids to sleep or when they hold them. Or at least that is what my Mom thinks.
I think what bothers me the most is how freaking judgmental she is about it. Non-coddling worked for her 30 years ago - great. Who cares? It's not your baby so STFU already! Gah!
I love cosleeping. We don't as much now - Jack likes to roam around his bed at night - but I love it.
Our local metropolitan paper has been harping on "cosleeping deaths" for the past year, so cosleeping is a big bad thing around here.
LOL. Dude, if I mentioned co-sleeping to my Mom, her head would explode. I might need to provoke it someday just for the entertainment factor.
LOL. Dude, if I mentioned co-sleeping to my Mom, her head would explode. I might need to provoke it someday just for the entertainment factor.
You know, I didn't mind it until they decided that they both had to be rocked for a minimum of 2 hours every single night. And God help you if you tried to hold them both and rock them together (like the numerous nights that DH had to work late or had training). Nights that I was by myself it took me an average of 3-4 hours to get them to sleep. That was when we did a very modified version of Ferber because my sanity could not take it anymore. I always think that maybe if there was just one of them it wouldn't have been such a big deal, but honestly even then I would have hit a breaking point before much longer I think.
I rock Vicki before bed every night. I try to put her down before she's asleep so she can fall asleep on her own, but sometimes it doesn't work & I go back in the nursery and rock her some more.
I also hold her for some naps as needed. I figure she needs the sleep more than I need to fold laundry, and if she wants to sleep on me, I'm ok with it.
My mom has also mentioned holding her too much, but she's never pressed the issue. I am fortunate enough that I get to hold her whenever I want, and that she's a very cuddly baby. I know it's not going to last forever, so I plan on enjoying it now.
Photo courtesy of mrs_b
Every kid is different. We never did CIO. We were lucky we didn't have to. DS has always been very good at going to bed.
We've gone through phases where he wanted to be rocked and sometimes where he just wanted to go to sleep on his own. There were weeks at a time when he was a few months old where rocking did NOTHING. He would fall asleep sucking his thumb and cuddling his lovey and that was fine with me.
Right now, we rock him for a few minutes before bed because he wants that cuddle time. I'll be damned if I'm not going to rock him if he wants it. After a few minutes now, he'll say "night night" and then he wants to be put down in his bed. It is the best part of my day.
I may be the devil's advocate and eat my words as well but I think there is a difference between rocking your baby to sleep and spoiling.
I b1tch about my nephews as well...but because my sister went so far extreme. You couldn't SPEAK or make a SOUND in the house during nap time. She or my grandmother not only rocked the baby to sleep but held him the entire time he napped...for two hours....even through toddlerhood until he stopped taking naps. She NEVER put him down or put him in his crib or his own bed etc.
She now has a kindergardener AND a 3 year old sleeping in the bed with her STILL while her husband sleeps in another room. Neither of the kids can sleep if there is any noise and they jump at any loud noise, awake or asleep.
To me, that was way beyond necessary. I fully intend to rock and cuddle and snuggle my baby...but I don't plan on holding him the entire time he sleeps every day. I'm pretty sure the Daycare won't be on board with that either.
Okay..my two cents...as someone without a kid..LOL (yea..I'll probably eat a lot of judgemental words on parenting ideas but I'm okay with that.
now that shiit is crazy. I am hoping that a few days of daycare might help our babe get used to sleeping in a louder environment. Some people take the whole "sshhh the baby' sleeping" to an extreme. Your sister sounds like one of them!
I'm a big believer in the phrase 'whatever works.' You have to parent the child you have. What they need likely will be different than what another baby needs. But if it is working for you, that's all that matters.
I was told I should stop putting Jamie down asleep around 3 months, that I should put him down drowsy and let him figure out how to fall asleep on his own. That made absolutely no sense for us because he nurses to sleep, so I would have had to wake him to put him to bed. Ridiculous. Plus, he sleeps through the night. The way I look at it is that if I nurse/rock him to sleep and he stays out til the morning, why on earth would I break that?
But, parenting the child you have also means when it stops working you have to adjust what you are doing - like how Leslie and Armandos said there came a point it didn't work anymore. If/when that point comes for us, we'll stop doing it. But for now, whatever works!
I'm totally guilty of rocking and nursing my baby to sleep, and we also bed share.
At times I wish she woudl just sleep on her own in a crib. But you know you know what? I'm a working mom and I need my sleep and at this point it works best for all of us. She is happy, I'm happy bc I get more sleep. DH and I love to cuddle with her.
I might address it in the summer. We are moving actually moving into a bigger room in the sping so we will have enough room for two beds. I don't think she will ever sleep in a crib, but she will stand a decent chance of sleep in her own bed with rails.
I think it is about finding a balance. I spent the first 3 months sleeping in the recliner with Lincoln b/c he would not sleep on his own. The moment I put him in his crib he would cry bloody murder. I also nursed him to sleep until just recently.
We had to start letting him figure out how to fall asleep on his own. We were up 5-6 times a night and we were all miserable. I stopped nursing him to sleep and that number is down to 1-2 times a night. However, even though sleep training says you aren't supposed to pick them up at night when they cry, I do. If he wakes up and he fusses without being able to fall back asleep, you better believe I'm going to pick him up and give him some comfort. Usually that will settle him enough for him to let me put him down and he'll fall back asleep himself.
Though I will say that he would prefer to have my dh play taxi all day if he would let him. We are trying to get him to play on his own more b/c that is becoming a bad habit.
I say, do whatever works until it isn't working anymore!
Ditto pp - I think you need to do whatever works for you, as long as it keeps working for all of you. I was perfectly fine with rocking G to sleep until it became a detriment to all of us - meaning bedtime was a dreadful battle, every night. DH and I dreaded bedtime and it was not a healthy situation.
We ended up doing CIO around 14 months (and again briefly at 16 months - checks apparently only fire him up more, so we endured 20-30 minutes of crying for a couple of nights, and now our child goes down without a peep 99% of the time. I love our bedtime routine now.
In the long run it was the right thing to do and I actually wished we had done it a little bit earlier for the peace of mind we have now.
This. We get Sadie down by rocking/walking/shushing/singing/nursing and heavy use of the Sleep Sheep. I love holding her and watching her fall asleep. The time will come when we have to stop but IMO it isn't now.
"This ribbon has been reported." - lovesnina
I agree. I never thought I would be 'that' parent but I am. Yes, I think I have done permanent nerve damage to my right arm (from laying on one side ALL night long and not moving) but it is worth getting 5-6 hours sleep.