My past two births have been successfully med free. The first birth my husband missed (long story) and I actually was able to focus better laboring alone. The second time my husband was there and I had a difficult time focusing and relaxing between contractions because I was worried about him seeing me in so much pain.
Now I will be embarking on a third pregnancy but this one will be a gestational surrogacy so I'll be delivering with the baby's mother and father in the room. They have every right to be there for the birth but I'm a little concerned about how I'm going to be able to focus with two people there who I'm not close with.
I've thought about cranking up my ipod with my hypnobirthing meditations but that might be kind of rude.
Has anyone had a med free delivery with lots of family in the room or in a situation where you weren't 100% relaxed? Can you give me some tips for keeping centered and focused?
Re: staying focused with people in the room?
This! I'm sure that they will want to do whatever is best to make you feel comfortable, so don't worry about being rude!
btw: What a wonderful thing you are doing!
My Ovulation Chart
wow! i've always thought that being a gestational surrogate is such a selfless and generous thing to do. what a precious gift!
that said, when i was in labor with dd, i needed to be alone. no compromise. i just had to go to a primitive place deep inside. i locked myself in the bathroom and only came out when it was time to push. i think that i could have handled a few extra people for the pushing, but definitely not for the labor.
i would hope that the part of the birth that the bio parents really want to see is the pushing and delivery anyway, so why not just tell them in advance that you may need to labor in privacy but that they will be encouraged to participate and cheer you on as you are delivering their child.
I hadn't thought of it that way. True, they probably just want to see the actual birth. Why traumatize them (and me) with laboring? lol! And the rest of you are right too. I just need to do what's best for me in that moment. I thing by then I'll have earned the right to be a little selfish. Thanks! Thank you for your supportive comments as well. It can be a little controversial in some circles.
I think pp have made really good points about having them come in only for the actual birth, and that you should not have to worry about the things that come out of your mouth .
One thing that I would like to add is that I think educating the bio parents about birth ahead of time would be great. Is there a natural chilbirth class that they could sign up for? You could recommend some books, or if you are taking a refresher class, have them come along. I think knowing what to expect would help them understand your behavior and expectations during labor, and also bring them closer to the experience.
PS. How exciting to be a surrogate!
How wonderful that you're doing this! Surrogacy is a secret dream of mine because I can't imagine a more wonderful gift for both the parents and you.
Do you know any doulas or midwives? Maybe you could talk to someone about giving them a quick 'what to expect in natural labor' private meeting? Something tailored to this situation and sensitive to them?
I question whether they have a "right" to be present at the birth.
I understand that you want them to be a part of the birth but I don't think that should be at the expense of you being able to deliver as easily as possible.
Could you ask them to wait outside while you go through the early stages and transition of labour, and then invite them in for the pushing part. That way they get to see the birth of their child and you get to have some private space for the most part of it.
If you find people in the birth room to be distracting then them being there won't help you.
They should be able to understand that you know how you respond during labour to people being around you, and that you'd like to have your own space for most of the labour, but you want to include them in the actual birth part.
And I agree with pp, being a surrogate is so kind of you.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old