Opinions on invite/party (NEFR Or BR)

CeltiCutie · January 2011

DH's 30th Birthday is coming up in April. I don't have the money to really do anything too over the top but I want to do something "surprise" and get everyone together for him. I found a restaurant nearby that has a private space for enough people and lets me bring in cake all at no charge for the room. I figured I'd get everyone there for dinner, tell DH that I am taking him to dinner for his bday, and he and I would show up and everyone would be there --SURPRISE!

But here's the caveat.... I cannot afford to pay for everyone dinner...

Do you think that it's tacky to ask ppl to come but pay for themselves? And is there a way to word that on the invitation if not?

If it's not the "PC" thing to do then I can always just take him to dinner and have everyone here at the house for cake after... Still a surprise, just not as much time and I think he'd notice all the cars around as we pulled up. lol

Mystery2B · January 2011

I think it depends on how your group of friends rolls, but I would have them over to your house rather than "invite" them to a dinner you're not paying for. I think it's different if you say "lets meet up for dinner or drinks" than having a surprise situation where you are expressly inviting them.

Personally I'd have people over for cake and drinks, or if this group like sports have them over to watch a game and provide drinks and snacks ($50 can buy a bunch of pizza). Send DH out on an errand for 30 minutes and ask people to arrive in that window and park down the street a bit. He might be confused about so many cars but won't entirely know what's up.

CeltiCutie · January 2011

Mystery2B:
I think it depends on how your group of friends rolls, but I would have them over to your house rather than "invite" them to a dinner you're not paying for. I think it's different if you say "lets meet up for dinner or drinks" than having a surprise situation where you are expressly inviting them.
Personally I'd have people over for cake and drinks, or if this group like sports have them over to watch a game and provide drinks and snacks ($50 can buy a bunch of pizza). Send DH out on an errand for 30 minutes and ask people to arrive in that window and park down the street a bit. He might be confused about so many cars but won't entirely know what's up.

It's mostly family not as many friends... he only has like 3 buddies that I'd invite...

I think if I randomly send him out on an errand especially if I have a specific time for him to leave that it'll be really really fishy...

the_jackpot · January 2011

Could you afford to do a appetizer situation or order a few dishes for everyone? I think it would be tacky to "invite" people to dinner and then not pay. I vote have people over and make a meal that goes far...a big pot of chili with the toppings (like a chilli bar) or something. I think you could still surprise him in the house and then there would not be any awkwardness about the bill.

CeltiCutie · January 2011

the_jackpot:
Could you afford to do a appetizer situation or order a few dishes for everyone? I think it would be tacky to "invite" people to dinner and then not pay. I vote have people over and make a meal that goes far...a big pot of chili with the toppings (like a chilli bar) or something. I think you could still surprise him in the house and then there would not be any awkwardness about the bill.

Right now I can't afford much of anything. Just cake. We are on a pretty tight budget and trying to pay a lot off before baby #2 comes. I'm going to see if it's possible to save up some money and go from there I guess... thanks ladies!

Fun2Dream · January 2011

I did exactly this for my mom's 50th bday party. It's called a "no-host dinner" - meaning that everyone is responsible for their own dinner. I don't think it's tacky.

CeltiCutie · January 2011

ya I just looked at my budget and to even if I take all the money allotted for my spending for the next 2 months I still wouldn't have enough for even an appetizer bar... So that's a def no go.

daenikoffre · January 2011

What about a potluck?

All/most of our friends are broke artists, so for us it's always expected that we pay for ourselves, or it's a potluck. haha

the_jackpot · January 2011

Well if money is that tight then invite the handful of family members who you can invite with the expectation that they are going to pay for themselves. Bring the cake to the restaurant and be super festive

Enjoy!

daisies916 · January 2011

We honestly don't expect anyone to pay for our dinner no matter who invited us. We go out for birthday dinners with friends and family and pay for ourselves with no problems.

We also enjoy a good house party! LOL It's fun to get people together in a comfortable setting with yummy food.

I think either way you go, you'll be good.

Soyager · January 2011

Yeah, on paper, these things sound tacky. If it were a formal event, like a wedding, and you expected everyone to pay for themselves, that would be one thing. But in the real world, families show up for families. I wouldn't send a formal invite, but just call ppl and say, "Hey, I'd like to get together for DH's birthday at This Restaurant. Do you think you guys could make it that night?" However, if this is something totally out of the ordinary for your family and you think they'd think it rude, then just do something at home. Good luck! I'm sure he'll appreciate anything you pull together

blissfully_caffeinated · January 2011

Soyager:
... in the real world, families show up for families. I wouldn't send a formal invite, but just call ppl and say, "Hey, I'd like to get together for DH's birthday at This Restaurant. Do you think you guys could make it that night?"

This. I think this would be totally fine as long as it's normal in your circle.

emathis2 · January 2011

blissfully_caffeinated:

Soyager:
... in the real world, families show up for families. I wouldn't send a formal invite, but just call ppl and say, "Hey, I'd like to get together for DH's birthday at This Restaurant. Do you think you guys could make it that night?"

This. I think this would be totally fine as long as it's normal in your circle.

I also agree with this. In our circle most of our friends are young couples and we usually pay seperate. When we meet with DHs family we also try to pay seperate. We actually have a family tradition where we all pay seperate and then who evers birthday it is the remaining people pick up the tab for that couple. We never ever would expect to have friends pay for our dinner at a restaurant though. I would just keep it real casual and not send formal invites.Also tell people to park in a certain park of parking lot and then be sure to park on opposite side. That ruined the surprise for us one time because DH recognized everyones cars.

CeltiCutie · January 2011

emathis2:
blissfully_caffeinated:

Soyager:
... in the real world, families show up for families. I wouldn't send a formal invite, but just call ppl and say, "Hey, I'd like to get together for DH's birthday at This Restaurant. Do you think you guys could make it that night?"
This. I think this would be totally fine as long as it's normal in your circle.
I also agree with this. In our circle most of our friends are young couples and we usually pay seperate. When we meet with DHs family we also try to pay seperate. We actually have a family tradition where we all pay seperate and then who evers birthday it is the remaining people pick up the tab for that couple. We never ever would expect to have friends pay for our dinner at a restaurant though. I would just keep it real casual and not send formal invites.Also tell people to park in a certain park of parking lot and then be sure to park on opposite side. That ruined the surprise for us one time because DH recognized everyones cars.

Oh that's a great point about the parking! Thanks so much!

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