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Parenting after 35
My FFFC
Everyone else's today has been lighthearted but this is something that has bothered me for the past 8 months 2 weeks and 2 days. I hate having to have a C-section. I feel that I did something wrong to have to have surgery. I am not a little girl. Even when I was only 119 pounds when I was 16 I could not wear pants that were smaller than a size 9. I have VERY wide hips. I always thought that I could have children with ease. My pregnancy, except for a high AFP, was rather boring, nausea with about 20 episodes of vomiting in the first 3 months, very little weight gain, no swelling, no panics or false alarms. I thought that labor and delivery would be just as easy. But after induction because at 40 weeks and 3 days of nothing, I only dialated to 6cm after 5 hours of hard labor. Michael would never get into the birth canal. At that point I just wanted it over and I could not take it anymore. Now I think that if I had waited a little bit longer I would not have had to have surgery. I have never even looked at my scar, after 8 months I have not seen it once.
I know that I have a baby and that is the important thing but I feel that my body betrayed me and could not do what women have been doing for millions of years.
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Re: My FFFC
Oh. I am so sorry you feel like your body betrayed you. I felt the same way for a while. I felt a ripped off - not having a vaginal birth. My Hallmark moment was not to be. Especially after I saw how small Sydney was. Only 6 lbs and 13 oz and I had to be cut open. But... I sort of knew that I would end up having a c-section. Deep down, I prepared myself for the worst (because of my fibroids - even though that wasn't the reason I had to have it.) I used to joke that I was "built for breeding" because of my wide hips. Not anymore though.
Some things we cannot control. No matter how much time you would have held off, you would have probably ended up with the same c-section. Just later.
You should look at your scar. It is a badge on honor. It is a symbol of doing whatever it takes to have a healthy child in this world. I promise you it's not as bad as you probably imagine it to be.
I'm sorry. I understand. I too have a body built for birthing (tall, wide hips) and had a textbook pregnancy. I never gave a c-section a single thought when I was planning for C's birth. No women in my family have ever had to have a c-section. After 4 days of induction drugs when I was a whopping 3 cm- there was no other choice. I still feel guilty sometimes. If I had just waited until I went into labor on my own, would things have been different.
That being said, I don't really dwell on it too much. There is nothing to be done about it now other than to move on. I have a healthy baby and I'm healthy so all is well that ends well. Look at your scar. It's not that bad- as far as big red scars across the abdomen go.
What, you mean suffering and dying during childbirth? Cause that's what they did back in the day before c-sections! Had you waited longer, how do you know you wouldn't have gone through what YaraC and others went through, and how much stress does that put on the baby? No thank you! Long labor and complicated vaginal births just seem primitive and barbaric and I'm glad I took advantage of modern medicine! It doesn't matter how babies get here as long as they get here and it just makes me laugh how consumed some women are about their "birth plan" during pregnancy. I have wide hips too but S just wasn't anywhere near ready to come out after 41 weeks...I don't feel in the least bit like my body betrayed me, nor did yours! Your body did its job the whole 9 months and now you have a healthy baby so where is this guilt coming from? Have people who had vaginal births made you feel like you didn't pay your dues? Dana is right, your scar is your badge of honor! Let's be proud of our scars! I'm damn proud of mine and here's a picture I just took to prove it!
This!
I have always wondered if Men don't have it right about scars or stretch marks. They would be comparing and bragging about them.
I'm sorry your feel this way but understand completely where you are coming from. I dealt with the same feelings almost 20 yrs ago.
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Aw, I think I understand. I am so sorry you feel that way. To my shame, at first I felt pretty smug about my 2.5 hour labor and med-free birth, but now I feel tremendously lucky. It turns out Margaux had a condition that could have very easily caused her to bleed out during labor, and if they had known about it ahead of time a c-section would have been my only option. If I had had any trouble at all and stuck to the plan, she could very easily be dead now.
You aren't a failure at all! You did your best, you have a healthy baby, and you are fine! Plus have you SEEN some of Margaux' early pictures? Worst birth canal conehead ever.
I am so sorry you are still feeling upset over your c-section. I too felt "robbed" of the birth process but after my friend gave birth a month after me and had a third degree vaginal tear I felt lucky.
Aww, hugs, sweetie. I really really understand what you are saying--could have written what you wrote. My pg was very uneventful, pleasant even (no morning sickness! l looked beautiful! gorgeous hair and skin and felt fabulous!). And yet M was breech pretty much the whole time. We didn't conceive "naturally" (clomid+IUI), and so I had my heart set on a vaginal birth--maybe even a natural vaginal birth. But she didn't turn. I remember feeling so betrayed by my body--so upset, even, that my OB didn't even check, in my last weeks, to see if I was dilating or anything (for some reason that was a real blow--in hindsight, I wanted to know if my body was at least doing *something* natural).
For months after--still sometimes now--if I watch A Baby Story and the woman is having a vaginal birth, I would cry. I also felt like I somehow wasn't a real woman, because I couldn't give birth (funny, I don't think of having my c-section as giving birth?it's an operation to me...).
I know in the end the fact that i have a wonderful, healthy child is all that matters, but I, too, desperately wish I'd had the chance to do what women *do*, what makes us women!
Anyway, just want to say I relate and send lots of hugs to you.
I on the other hand have hips like a 12-year old boy and was able to have a quick vaginal delivery. I don't think it has anything to do with the way you are built. I am sorry you feel bad about your c-section, but you did what was necessary and you have a healthy baby and that's really all that counts!!!