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Stay at Home Moms
brownie123
member
XP: Separation anxiety & school
brownie123
member
Hi ladies,
I posted this on the school-aged children board, but it's pretty slow... Would love to hear your thoughts.
I SAH with my girls, so they have never been in daycare or preschool (yet). I do a ton of activities with them, but it's I'm always there with them. Anyhow, I signed up DD#1 (who's almost 3) for a little preschool program put on by our community, where we go once a week for 2 hours, and she gets to be in a preschool setting while I'm still in the building, but upstairs having discussions with other parents. It has been HORRIBLE. Today was the 3rd week and she cried almost the whole time, she doesn't want me to leave her and just cries for me (I could hear her from upstairs!).
I just don't know if it's worth the stress and grief it's causing her - and me right now. I'm pretty much thinking of putting this on hold for now - it's definitely not necessary, I just thought it might be fun (boy was I wrong!)
Anyhow - I'd love to hear similar stories of children with separation anxiety issues and how they were going into preschool and kindergarten (or any grade!). I'm thinking maybe she's just not ready and if I giver her time it will get better (at least a little bit)?
I'm really torn about the whole situation. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, as she's barely 3. But of course it has me thinking about "real" school.
I need some encouragement, pls!
ETA: I wasn't even thinking of putting her in preschool until maybe next Sept, if not the following year. I plan to do at least 1 year before kindergarten. Anyhow, sign-up for this 8-week session was low, so the facilitator called and asked if I was interested; that's the only reason we went.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: XP: Separation anxiety & school
As they get older, it is easier to explain it to them and get them excited about "school". My DS1 had a hard transition into the church nursery, and it took me spending a lot of time in there at first to get him comfortable.
Since she's having such a horrible reaction, I would consider taking a break and giving it a few months (or maybe until fall if the timing would work?). I know that our preschool program recommends going at least 2 times a week and for the kids that have a hard time adjusting they suggest every day for a week or two until they transition.
DS2 seems like more of a momma's boy than DS1 ever was and I'm just fearing we're going to have an even harder time with him. By the time DS1 started preschool at 3.5, he was so happy and excited to go that it was no problem (which was after transitioning him into the church nursery and MMO program 2 times a month).
GL!
Big E (6) & Little E (2.5)
I am in somewhat of a similar situation. Like you, I SAH with both kids. We do a lot of activities but they are with me all day
I have left them overnight and for long weekends, but only with family. They have never had a babysitter they didn't know or been in daycare
DS will be 3 in March and we feel that September will be a good time to start him in a 2 day a week preschool. I had been wanting to join a gym, so we thought that the babysitting at the gym might be a nice bridge to preschool
Well it has been tough, we have only gone a few times but both kids have been crying and I have been called to get them. Interestingly, the ladies in charge of the child care said that my DD (18 months), who was the biggest problem in the beginning, was doing great until my DS got upset and got her all riled up.
This makes me even more positive that he needs to get used to this, so I am going to keep at it, no matter how long it takes. I think it is good for them and frankly, I am a much more productive mom when I get a good workout in - it makes me a happier person in general
Now, this is easy for me to say since I am only in week one! After 3 weeks, I may feel differently! But I do feel strongly that he needs to get used to this, for both of us.
Have you tried to stay in the room with her until she warms up? I saw this with my DD - one of the times they called me, I came in and sat with her. After about 20 minutes she warmed up and left my side. That day I was able to work out for 40 minutes
Good luck to you!
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
I do not think taking her out of the program is the best solution right now. I would continue going, and like Alaina's mom really talk up school the other days of the week. When you are there, I would make a point of reminding her that you are only upstairs. I would also exagerate a bit "Mommy's going to be talking to other mommies and I need to be there so I can tell them how awesome you are, etc....".
Transitions and change are difficult for any kid, let alone a child who has spent 99.9% of their days with their mom. I would keep at it, and if it takes 3 more weeks or 3 months, eventually she'll grow to enjoy it!
My daughter is 7 now but has had anxiety issues from a young age. I suffer from anxiety issues too so I know how she feels. There is a difference between separation anxiety and just anxiety. So make sure you aren't mixing the 2. She might just be nervous because it's something new. My daughter doesn't have an issue separating from me it was just the thought of doing something new, being with kids she didn't know, being in an unfamiliar place. My daughter gets anxious everytime she starts a new school year, or goes to a new activity. Now that she's older most of the time her eyes will just well up with tears, she's hesitant to go. But once the surroundings get familiar she is fine to go. But when she started preschool she cried every single time I dropped her off. It lasted a good month, maybe a little longer. Then she would be fine and on ocassion it would start all over again 6 months into the school year if something new was going to take place. The same thing happened the following year when she started 4 y.o. preschool, the same thing happened when she started Kindergarten. It's just her anxiety kicking in.
Patience is the key, but do NOT stop going. The familiarity of the routine is what will make your child comfortable. In your situation it might take longer because she's only going once a week.
Ditto Notwifezilla.
With DD#1 is was an entire month of prying her out of my hands during drop off. She started 2 months before she turned 3. DD#2 just waved goodbye at me. I fear DS will be like DD#1 but I've been through it......
The book "Llama Llama Misses Mama" is a great book for this type of transition. My kids love it. It's a story about little llama that starts school and misses his mama and then she comes back and he realized that he loves school.....
GL! It's always tougher on us than the kids.....
My DD isn't in school yet, but b/c I SAH with her & she is used to being with me, I will start her in a preschool program at 3. I'm sure it will be rough, and may be rough for months, but I think it's best to get her used to being away from me before kindergarten, when it's all day, every day. I can't tell you how many kindergarten students I had who cried every day for months b/c they had never been away from their moms.
Just my two cents.